If You're Happy and You Know It....

I can't quite put my finger on it.


The past 2 and a half days I have been feeling superb! 


Let me first start of by saying, I still am having intrusive, obsessive thoughts, but, my mood has improved tremendously and my willingness and eagerness to do things has taken a new spin and drive.


I am trying to figure out exactly what it was that has finally put me in a good mood- if it is the weather we are having, the new medication is taking a quick effect, if my relationship and fervent prayer with God did the trick, or what is the explanation.


Regardless, I don't really know what did it, but it feels great and I want it to last!!


A great friend sent me this in a message today and it meant a lot to me so I am going to share it because I think it is applicable:


You know how awesome the weather is right now? And it just completely rejuvenates you? And you're SO happy! And you know that it might snow again, and you might think that you're going to get frost bite again? But you're still happy that this weather is happening? And you know that in some time, the weather will always be like this??

That's how the analogy I am making to how you're feeling right now. It's AWESOME!!!! And it might get cold again, but it might not. But either way, Spring is coming! ...I hope that made sense :)


She is right- I don't know if this happy high is permanent. But it shows me that there is hope! The light of hope is growing to be really bright! 


And although I am feeling much better, a hole of hurt still remains in my heart. I miss greatly a few friends who have grown weary of the depression and are not really speaking with me any more. I am still hurt that my illness caused that and they are taking it to such extremes. While the pain still eats away at me each day, I am hopeful that they will see me for who I really am, and not what the illness made me out to be, come to terms of forgiveness and we can pick up the pieces and move on. It's almost like I have the happiness/wellness puzzle figured out, but, one big piece is still missing. I don't know how soon these few people will hold their grudges. I respect their right to do what they want, but, that doesn't change how much it hurts me. I keep hope that they will come around sooner rather than later, and I pray about the situation fervently.


And I am sure there are other people walking around out there who are still placing me down on the rug of depression because of their notions about the illness and the effects it had on me. I just want everyone to know that it is not who I am. It brought trials in my life and brought me down, but that is not me. 


I am going to continue to enjoy this sunshine while it lasts. I hope it's not going anywhere. And I hope it gets so bright that I need to get some sunglasses.