I don't think I've laughed or smiled as much as I have in the last 48ish-62ish hours.
I know I was kind of on a downward spiral last week, but, WOW, have things picked up! My cheek muscles are sore I think, from laughing and smiling so much.
I'm so high on life I can't even go to sleep, despite the fact I get to SUB and TEACH a FULL day again tomorrow!! I cannot wait to be with my first graders again for a full day and not just a morning!!! I have to be up at 5:45 again like old times, but I think I will be so excited it won't be a problem to get up!
Okay, here's a run-down of what I've been doing...
Friday night I got a call to come play Peanut/Nertz and Pictionary.... It was so much fun and I was in tears I was laughing so hard.
Saturday night I was working on my public policy file and my awesome friend called me at 11:30 and we watched Captain America in my room. I fell asleep, but what I saw was great. Yeah buddy!
Sunday morning I had breakfast with the same friend, we went to church, it was an amazing reformation service with amazing hymns, communion, and it was so fulfilling, just what I needed.
Sunday afternoon after I got off work, I went to my co-op's house to plan for this week and we had an awesome conversation and she gave me lots of things I can use with my upcoming bird project with my preschoolers.
Then, I went with my awesome friend to a free hamburger/hot-dog feed, it was just right and hit the spot on that autumn evening!
After that, we went to my room and probably sat and laughed for 5 hours straight. It's so great to have such an awesome friend in your life that you can just sit and chat with and laugh about so many things. He also introduced me to Spotify , which I have been jamming out to all afternoon and evening. Check it out if you don't use it, it's legit. About 10:30, another friend joined us and we sat and talked and it was a lot of fun.
Today, I got to go to chapel since we didn't have preschool and then to Literacy methods class which was awesome, I had lunch with 2 other awesome friends and we laughed really, really hard.
And now I'm prepping to teach a full day tomorrow!!!! So pumped!!! YEAH BUDDY!
Life is so awesome!
I have a check up with my psychiatrist after I get off school, so pray that goes well! Since I've had a few slumps, I don't know what her plan of action will be!
Monday, October 31, 2011
Saturday, October 29, 2011
It Was Worth A Try
I didn't take my medication today.
There, I said it. Well, I have taken it now, but I didn't this morning.
I thought maybe my time had come. I don't know why today- or what gave me such a strong impulse to do it, but I decided it was worth a try.
It was a try that failed. I started off okay- but as the day went on, I got ill, began trembling and having the shakes, and it was like going downhill- or the start of it.
So about 5:00 I finally gave in and took them. I learned, I'm not ready. I wish I was.
I wish that I didn't have to rely on these to keep me well. It's something I struggle with every morning and evening when I take them. "Why do I have to do this?"
So, I won't be doing that again any time soon. I probably should not have tried it without first consulting my psychiatrist, but I did, I learned from my mistake, and I won't do it again.
In the meantime, I just want to say that I am blessed with amazing people in my life. Can't even put my thankfulness into words.
OH- I wanted to share this with you. Below, first are my eyes in a picture from last year at this time. Followed by my eyes in a picture from recently. I promise I did no editing! That is just one example of how I have improved! I think it's both scary and absolutely amazing!
There, I said it. Well, I have taken it now, but I didn't this morning.
I thought maybe my time had come. I don't know why today- or what gave me such a strong impulse to do it, but I decided it was worth a try.
It was a try that failed. I started off okay- but as the day went on, I got ill, began trembling and having the shakes, and it was like going downhill- or the start of it.
So about 5:00 I finally gave in and took them. I learned, I'm not ready. I wish I was.
I wish that I didn't have to rely on these to keep me well. It's something I struggle with every morning and evening when I take them. "Why do I have to do this?"
So, I won't be doing that again any time soon. I probably should not have tried it without first consulting my psychiatrist, but I did, I learned from my mistake, and I won't do it again.
In the meantime, I just want to say that I am blessed with amazing people in my life. Can't even put my thankfulness into words.
OH- I wanted to share this with you. Below, first are my eyes in a picture from last year at this time. Followed by my eyes in a picture from recently. I promise I did no editing! That is just one example of how I have improved! I think it's both scary and absolutely amazing!
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Wings To Fly
Do you want to know something about bees? When the little eggs are placed into their little holes of the honeycomb by the queen, their mother, she coats the edge of the holes of the hive with a layer of wax.
Now, when I originally heard that, I thought it was probably a safety precaution, often like what a daycare does to babies- they put them in a crib so they can't get out.
But then I heard this story.
There was a man who was visiting a bee farm. He was looking closely at one of the hives, and noticed one of the baby bees struggling to get out of his hole. He had a pen in his pocket and he took it out. He poked a hole in the honeycomb because he had compassion for this bee.
He realized his mistake when the bee came forward- the bee hadn't developed its wings to fly.
It fell to the ground, and because it hadn't fully developed its wings, the sun dried them up and it was left there.
The queen bee puts the wax on the holes so the bees will develop enough wing strength to fight their way through and be able to fly.
Sometimes, God allows us to go through struggles to strengthen us in our faith so we have wings to fly.
Sometimes we sit there, thinking "I can't get through this wax. I just can't."
But the more we fight, the more we push, the more we do NOT give up, the stronger are wings become and we are able to fly.
God allows us to go through it for our benefit! And if I haven't said it enough, I have realized that my wings have become unbelievably strong in the last year, and in the last few days. It has been tough, but I have not put my foot down to give up and I have no intention to do that in the future.
If I gave up, I would be like that bee that fell out of the hive with weak wings, only to be dried up by the sun to become something for other insects to feast upon and trample.
But now I have wings to fly. And they're taking me places. They're bringing me to meet amazing people, see amazing things, and be in amazing places.
And some day, they will take me up to be with God in heaven.
Blessings:
Things have just sort of all worked themselves out. Prayers were answered. I am still sick with sinus problems, a cough, and congestion; and my sister and grandpa will be in surgery in the next few weeks, so that is heavy on my heart and mind. But God is faithful and will see them through it. Also, two friends, S and E are very sick and need prayers.
I am remaining stable, calm, and mentally healthy. Today we went to the city and performed the ECERS (an environmental assessment tool for early childhood education centers) and toured different centers. I didn't notice it, but so many people, especially my professor noted this afterward:
"You were just.... so GOOD interacting with those children! Your passion and your heart were evident this afternoon. You just have something about you that connects you with the children and their faces lit up when you interacted with them. You read their body language well!"
That was something so reaffirming that I needed to hear right now. It strengthened my wings.
Now, when I originally heard that, I thought it was probably a safety precaution, often like what a daycare does to babies- they put them in a crib so they can't get out.
But then I heard this story.
There was a man who was visiting a bee farm. He was looking closely at one of the hives, and noticed one of the baby bees struggling to get out of his hole. He had a pen in his pocket and he took it out. He poked a hole in the honeycomb because he had compassion for this bee.
He realized his mistake when the bee came forward- the bee hadn't developed its wings to fly.
It fell to the ground, and because it hadn't fully developed its wings, the sun dried them up and it was left there.
The queen bee puts the wax on the holes so the bees will develop enough wing strength to fight their way through and be able to fly.
Sometimes, God allows us to go through struggles to strengthen us in our faith so we have wings to fly.
Sometimes we sit there, thinking "I can't get through this wax. I just can't."
But the more we fight, the more we push, the more we do NOT give up, the stronger are wings become and we are able to fly.
God allows us to go through it for our benefit! And if I haven't said it enough, I have realized that my wings have become unbelievably strong in the last year, and in the last few days. It has been tough, but I have not put my foot down to give up and I have no intention to do that in the future.
If I gave up, I would be like that bee that fell out of the hive with weak wings, only to be dried up by the sun to become something for other insects to feast upon and trample.
But now I have wings to fly. And they're taking me places. They're bringing me to meet amazing people, see amazing things, and be in amazing places.
And some day, they will take me up to be with God in heaven.
Blessings:
Things have just sort of all worked themselves out. Prayers were answered. I am still sick with sinus problems, a cough, and congestion; and my sister and grandpa will be in surgery in the next few weeks, so that is heavy on my heart and mind. But God is faithful and will see them through it. Also, two friends, S and E are very sick and need prayers.
I am remaining stable, calm, and mentally healthy. Today we went to the city and performed the ECERS (an environmental assessment tool for early childhood education centers) and toured different centers. I didn't notice it, but so many people, especially my professor noted this afterward:
"You were just.... so GOOD interacting with those children! Your passion and your heart were evident this afternoon. You just have something about you that connects you with the children and their faces lit up when you interacted with them. You read their body language well!"
That was something so reaffirming that I needed to hear right now. It strengthened my wings.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
I've Been There
You know, over the course of the last year, I've been hurt just about as badly as a person can be hurt by someone else- not only by "friends", but also by others I encountered along the journey. I have experienced ultimate hurt (which, is different from grief, mind you).
I've realized, that when I take a "stab" now, it doesn't hurt as much. I've been there. I'm not saying that I still have endless stabs coming, but I guess I am trying to say in a way that I am thankful I was hurt so much, because when new "stabs" come, I can handle them a little bit better.
That might sound crazy, but it's true. I was thinking today, "You know, what was bothering me so much before, doesn't really even bug me any more."
Because it weeded out the "fake" people in my life. I have been treated so well by so many dear friends in the last few weeks, I am wondering why it took me so long to find people like this.
I know this probably sounds messy, disorganized, and crazy, but it was just a major epiphany I've had.
-PS- Out of curiosity, is anyone still reading? This blog was originally designed for my own therapeutic purposes, and it has served those purposes. While I still do use it for those purposes, I also use it as an outreach tool, a means of encouragement for others, and a beacon of hope. If I have lost my readers, I fear it is from boredom; repetitiveness; etc., and I can begin to use my time to outreach in a different medium. Just curious!
I've realized, that when I take a "stab" now, it doesn't hurt as much. I've been there. I'm not saying that I still have endless stabs coming, but I guess I am trying to say in a way that I am thankful I was hurt so much, because when new "stabs" come, I can handle them a little bit better.
That might sound crazy, but it's true. I was thinking today, "You know, what was bothering me so much before, doesn't really even bug me any more."
Because it weeded out the "fake" people in my life. I have been treated so well by so many dear friends in the last few weeks, I am wondering why it took me so long to find people like this.
I know this probably sounds messy, disorganized, and crazy, but it was just a major epiphany I've had.
-PS- Out of curiosity, is anyone still reading? This blog was originally designed for my own therapeutic purposes, and it has served those purposes. While I still do use it for those purposes, I also use it as an outreach tool, a means of encouragement for others, and a beacon of hope. If I have lost my readers, I fear it is from boredom; repetitiveness; etc., and I can begin to use my time to outreach in a different medium. Just curious!
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Today, As In Here: Right NOW
My favorite professor started off class the other morning this way:
"Dear teachers, I want to know what you are thankful for today. As in here: right now."
I was so impressed- what an astounding, empowering way to begin class. She shared that she was thankful for all of our faces.
I'll tell you what I am thankful for today, as in here: right now. I will have to admit, after a rough last few days because of varying circumstances, this was a challenge. But I'm glad I took the challenge...
-I'm thankful for my co-op teacher who supports me so much and who I work so well with. I'm really glad our partnership did not end when student teaching I ended a few weeks ago.
-I'm thankful for my first grade students. Teaching reading to them all morning and seeing their progress as they grow with each day.
-I'm thankful for books. I can't get enough of them. My favorite book being the Bible.
-I'm thankful for all of my friends. I know I gave 2 of my best friends credit last night, but I want to say I'm thankful for all of them! They all make positive differences in my life, especially when the rest of the world has walked out and left me in the dark.
-I'm thankful for the said professor. Don't think she knows what an impact she has had on me.
-I'm thankful for new ideas. I'm always willing to see how far a new idea can take me in my teaching and learning and development as an educator.
-I'm thankful for our volleyball team, who, this evening is supporting Breast Cancer. Since I have an amazing grandmother who kicked its butt and is now a thriving survivor, opportunities like this are so awesome.
-I'm thankful for my preschoolers. I guess I can't leave them out! Since I've only been with them a few hours so far, I don't know much about them, nor have I begun to build relationships with them, but I imagine they'll have a big impact on my future.
This list really helped. I want to know, though,...... What about you? What are you thankful today, as in here: right now?!
"Dear teachers, I want to know what you are thankful for today. As in here: right now."
I was so impressed- what an astounding, empowering way to begin class. She shared that she was thankful for all of our faces.
I'll tell you what I am thankful for today, as in here: right now. I will have to admit, after a rough last few days because of varying circumstances, this was a challenge. But I'm glad I took the challenge...
-I'm thankful for my co-op teacher who supports me so much and who I work so well with. I'm really glad our partnership did not end when student teaching I ended a few weeks ago.
-I'm thankful for my first grade students. Teaching reading to them all morning and seeing their progress as they grow with each day.
-I'm thankful for books. I can't get enough of them. My favorite book being the Bible.
-I'm thankful for all of my friends. I know I gave 2 of my best friends credit last night, but I want to say I'm thankful for all of them! They all make positive differences in my life, especially when the rest of the world has walked out and left me in the dark.
-I'm thankful for the said professor. Don't think she knows what an impact she has had on me.
-I'm thankful for new ideas. I'm always willing to see how far a new idea can take me in my teaching and learning and development as an educator.
-I'm thankful for our volleyball team, who, this evening is supporting Breast Cancer. Since I have an amazing grandmother who kicked its butt and is now a thriving survivor, opportunities like this are so awesome.
-I'm thankful for my preschoolers. I guess I can't leave them out! Since I've only been with them a few hours so far, I don't know much about them, nor have I begun to build relationships with them, but I imagine they'll have a big impact on my future.
This list really helped. I want to know, though,...... What about you? What are you thankful today, as in here: right now?!
Monday, October 24, 2011
Don't Underestimate
I just want to say that I have the most amazing friends right now.
I had a rotten afternoon. My first morning with the preschoolers was great!
But some things happened this afternoon that really brought me down and feeling defeated. I won't go into them here.
Anyway, two of my closest friends came into the library while I was working tonight.
The first saw me and gave me a hug. This guy is awesome. He told me how awesome I was, and it was great to see him.
Then, another one of my close friends came in. I asked him how it was going, etc. I had seen him after lunch. He said this to me:
"I just wanted to let you know that it made my day today, being off campus and stuff I miss my friends and you reminded me how great of friends I have. We need to hang out."
It was so good to see both of them! And then I texted the second one and told him that what he said had made my evening. He said, "We're here for each other, buddy."
Never underestimate what small things like that can do. If you have a chance, go and say something nice to someone. Doesn't have to be your closest friend. Let someone know they have meaning and importance in your life. Let them know you are glad to see them. Don't underestimate what a positive thing like that can do.
My rotten day was turned around by two amazing friends. I said a big thank you prayer to God.
Also, someone who I consider to be an "expert" in the field of early childhood development and studies has been e-mailing me back and forth. She is not a professor here, she is an author. She told me to say this prayer when days like today happen:
I had a rotten afternoon. My first morning with the preschoolers was great!
But some things happened this afternoon that really brought me down and feeling defeated. I won't go into them here.
Anyway, two of my closest friends came into the library while I was working tonight.
The first saw me and gave me a hug. This guy is awesome. He told me how awesome I was, and it was great to see him.
Then, another one of my close friends came in. I asked him how it was going, etc. I had seen him after lunch. He said this to me:
"I just wanted to let you know that it made my day today, being off campus and stuff I miss my friends and you reminded me how great of friends I have. We need to hang out."
It was so good to see both of them! And then I texted the second one and told him that what he said had made my evening. He said, "We're here for each other, buddy."
Never underestimate what small things like that can do. If you have a chance, go and say something nice to someone. Doesn't have to be your closest friend. Let someone know they have meaning and importance in your life. Let them know you are glad to see them. Don't underestimate what a positive thing like that can do.
My rotten day was turned around by two amazing friends. I said a big thank you prayer to God.
Also, someone who I consider to be an "expert" in the field of early childhood development and studies has been e-mailing me back and forth. She is not a professor here, she is an author. She told me to say this prayer when days like today happen:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Easier Said Than Done
It's been a few weeks, but I'm back with a Scripture Sunday post.
Texts from this morning:
Old Testament: Leviticus 19:1-2, 15-18
Epistle: 1 Thessalonians 2:1-13
Gospel: Matthew 22:34-46
One overlapping theme: LOVE.
I wrote down some thoughts during the sermon, so I'm going to share those with you here. (Any thoughts appreciated!)
-We miss the point of "Love thy neighbor as thyself." For many, it's just the language of that command and no meaning or action behind it. It's a powerful call, and many like to sit in church and say, "Oh, that's all nice and good, but it's not for me."
-You cannot separate your love of God with love for your neighbor. The way we treat our neighbor is the way we treat God. We find God in our neighbor.
-Love is being around people you really don't want to be around.
-We are called to instill a responsibility in one another- to love them. But some of us go about doing it wrong- holding resentments and grudges. When we put that kind of pressure on people, we aren't loving and serving.
-This is like Christianity 101- it's the very basic thing we're called to do as brothers and sisters in Christ!
-It is always to your advantage to love like God.
-This means stepping beyond the typical love boundary line- This is Jesus saying, "Love like me!" It's more than a greeting card or a "Hi" on the sidewalk. Jesus always steps beyond love's boundary line- he is always in action!
-It's not easy and it's not always pleasant- but the joy and the rewards of showing love are so worth the amount of work or uneasy feelings we may have to endure!
This verse is sometimes easier said than done- but it's what God calls us to do! We have ONE life here on earth- now, why waste it NOT loving thy neighbor as thyself?!
Blessings (This weekend was AWESOME!)
-Started off with me meeting my co-op at her house. We met to talk about our plans for the next 2 weeks and she informed me that Barnes and Noble was having an educator appreciation day. So I grabbed some of my teacher friends and we went- got a sack full of stuff and I bought some books, so it was well worth the trip there!
-Yesterday, a group of us went to a pumpkin patch. Upon arrival, in this small little town of 220, there was this treasure of an amazing pumpkin patch. I was in awe- some of the things we saw at the patch- petting zoo; corn maze; candyland; mini 3-D and haunted houses, hayrack ride, and then of course digging through the pumpkin patch! It was a ton of fun, a great, relaxing autumn afternoon to relax in God's amazing autumn creations! (A few pictures- some I slightly edited- are at the end of this post!)
-That night, I went with one of my best buddies and we went to a new place in town, Sam and Louie's for pizza. It was a TON of fun and the pizza- we had BBQ chicken pizza- it was amazing!
-Then, we went to the city to see a late movie, The Thing. It was a "scary" movie, but I didn't think it was too bad, but I did jump a couple of times!
-Even though we got back and I didn't get to bed til about 1:30, I had to be up and on the road by 6:30 to play for church, so I didn't get much sleep last night, but the memories made are awesome and I think it was definitely worth it!
-I played for church, it went well, 5 good hymns, no sung liturgy- that's my kind of service! Afterwards, we had Bible Class, and the women are going to bring homemade cinnamon rolls for me the next time I play!
-I had amazing conversation with the prof. I traveled with! He asked me about how several things were going from last year, and he said something very reassuring: "It's not your fault. It's theirs. You didn't do anything wrong. THEY did." It just made me feel better about so many things, and he was a bit disappointed that things hadn't changed since last Spring.
-Tomorrow my part-time teaching at the preschool begins! I'm very excited!
Old Testament: Leviticus 19:1-2, 15-18
Epistle: 1 Thessalonians 2:1-13
Gospel: Matthew 22:34-46
One overlapping theme: LOVE.
I wrote down some thoughts during the sermon, so I'm going to share those with you here. (Any thoughts appreciated!)
-We miss the point of "Love thy neighbor as thyself." For many, it's just the language of that command and no meaning or action behind it. It's a powerful call, and many like to sit in church and say, "Oh, that's all nice and good, but it's not for me."
-You cannot separate your love of God with love for your neighbor. The way we treat our neighbor is the way we treat God. We find God in our neighbor.
-Love is being around people you really don't want to be around.
-We are called to instill a responsibility in one another- to love them. But some of us go about doing it wrong- holding resentments and grudges. When we put that kind of pressure on people, we aren't loving and serving.
-This is like Christianity 101- it's the very basic thing we're called to do as brothers and sisters in Christ!
-It is always to your advantage to love like God.
-This means stepping beyond the typical love boundary line- This is Jesus saying, "Love like me!" It's more than a greeting card or a "Hi" on the sidewalk. Jesus always steps beyond love's boundary line- he is always in action!
-It's not easy and it's not always pleasant- but the joy and the rewards of showing love are so worth the amount of work or uneasy feelings we may have to endure!
This verse is sometimes easier said than done- but it's what God calls us to do! We have ONE life here on earth- now, why waste it NOT loving thy neighbor as thyself?!
Blessings (This weekend was AWESOME!)
-Started off with me meeting my co-op at her house. We met to talk about our plans for the next 2 weeks and she informed me that Barnes and Noble was having an educator appreciation day. So I grabbed some of my teacher friends and we went- got a sack full of stuff and I bought some books, so it was well worth the trip there!
-Yesterday, a group of us went to a pumpkin patch. Upon arrival, in this small little town of 220, there was this treasure of an amazing pumpkin patch. I was in awe- some of the things we saw at the patch- petting zoo; corn maze; candyland; mini 3-D and haunted houses, hayrack ride, and then of course digging through the pumpkin patch! It was a ton of fun, a great, relaxing autumn afternoon to relax in God's amazing autumn creations! (A few pictures- some I slightly edited- are at the end of this post!)
-That night, I went with one of my best buddies and we went to a new place in town, Sam and Louie's for pizza. It was a TON of fun and the pizza- we had BBQ chicken pizza- it was amazing!
-Then, we went to the city to see a late movie, The Thing. It was a "scary" movie, but I didn't think it was too bad, but I did jump a couple of times!
-Even though we got back and I didn't get to bed til about 1:30, I had to be up and on the road by 6:30 to play for church, so I didn't get much sleep last night, but the memories made are awesome and I think it was definitely worth it!
-I played for church, it went well, 5 good hymns, no sung liturgy- that's my kind of service! Afterwards, we had Bible Class, and the women are going to bring homemade cinnamon rolls for me the next time I play!
-I had amazing conversation with the prof. I traveled with! He asked me about how several things were going from last year, and he said something very reassuring: "It's not your fault. It's theirs. You didn't do anything wrong. THEY did." It just made me feel better about so many things, and he was a bit disappointed that things hadn't changed since last Spring.
-Tomorrow my part-time teaching at the preschool begins! I'm very excited!
Friday, October 21, 2011
Shine Like the Pumpkins
Normally I don't like e-mail forwards.
But this one I thought would work as a great devotion, especially for use with young children!
Being a Christian is like being a pumpkin.
God lifts you up, takes you in,
and washes all the dirt off of you.
But this one I thought would work as a great devotion, especially for use with young children!
Being a Christian is like being a pumpkin.
God lifts you up, takes you in,
and washes all the dirt off of you.
He opens you up, touches you deep inside
and scoops out all the yucky stuff--
including the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc.
Then He carves you a new smiling face
and puts His light inside you to shine
for all the world to see.
Isn't that great? I thought I would share it. It's so true too.
I not only consider sin to be the yucky stuff- but also some of the gunk we have to go through. Like, this time last year. Since this span of time last year was erased from my memory and lost, I can't tell you exactly how I was feeling.
But I know it was bad. Really bad. It was awful. I had all those awful seeds of mistrust, uncertainty, fear, and hopelessness.
But eventually, when it was my turn to be carved, God scooped all of that gunk out. And now I'm still a pumpkin with a strong glow! Sometimes it feels like I've got those seeds in me, but when it's my time, God will scoop them out, and I keep shining bright!
I hope you feel empowered to do the same!
These last two days have been just awesome! Here's a run-down...
-I have been getting a lot of feedback about my message at the praise service the other night! So many people told me I was a powerful speaker and I would make a good motivational speaker some day.... hmmmm...
-I love my literacy instruction class. I can't really say much more... Other than, it really makes me want to get my PhD in literacy instruction... like, within the next 5 years... (If people aren't laughing at your dreams, you aren't dreaming big enough, right?)
-I got my Teacher Work Sample done. Don't know what that is? Basically the long division of a unit plan that I taught. It ended up being nearly 30 pages. But it is turned in!
-I got invited to help with a poverty simulation next month!
-I saw my co-op today at her house to plan for next week. I really, really miss visiting with her one on one every day. She was just awesome.
-My Pandora music station is now playing Christmas music. Don't be hatin'....
-My co-op also informed me of free giveaways for educators at Barnes and Noble bookstore. So I grabbed a few other children's literature fanatics and we rushed down, and I came out with a sack-full and some new books!
-This weekend is going to be awesome! Going to a pumpkin patch tomorrow with some friends, and then tomorrow night, one of my best buddies and I are going to try a new pizza place and hang out. It's going to be great!
Life is awesome! No one will tell me otherwise!
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
You've Got A Life To Live!
I've been slacking on blogging and keeping up with others' blogs, and I am especially lacking in sharing the many blessings God has been giving me. They have been there.
Okay- to start off, my students are amazing and on my last full day with them last week, they presented me with this:
Though I was sick, I was blessed to be sick at home. Yeah, I didn't get to do all that I would have liked to while I was home, but I was there. And because I was there (I think this was a God-thing), I was able to help my sister after her car accident.
I had safe travels back and began my new schedule. I love it. It's really busy, but I love it, and there are more opportunities for free time. I posted it a while back.
I especially love the opportunity of having an "audited" course experience in LITERACY with my mentor professor (whom, I also got to have lunch with today). I do like my other two courses too, and I love that I can see my first graders twice a week, and soon I'll see a new batch of preschoolers for 3 days a week. That will be an entirely different adventure!
I was so grateful to be able to play organ again at my home church for worship services on Sunday! And they were communion services! It was a blessing, and I was so glad to be able to share in the music ministry again! And I will this coming Sunday at my interim church!
I am thankful for some new Autumn/Pumpkin/Halloween children's books to use with my students.
I am happy that I got my hands on some new resources for teaching and growing as a professional.
I am excited for special events happening this weekend!
I delivered the message tonight at our campus PRAISE service. Here is an excerpt... (The text was Deuteronomy 10:12-22). The title of my message was, "You've Got A Life to Live!"
.... Heaven could come to you TODAY! Or tomorrow! Are you living that way? Are you doing the good works God created you to do? You’ve got a life to live! Go, do something spectacular for Jesus, for His kingdom, and for His people. Amen.
Okay- to start off, my students are amazing and on my last full day with them last week, they presented me with this:
Each made me a card and then I got the Big Book edition of Lois Ehlert's Snowballs, with a very special message inside! It almost brought me to tears.
Yesterday, I began my "half day" work with them on Tuesday/Thursdays. When it was time to go, they all came and hugged me and begged me not to leave. It was so hard to leave knowing there are students who want to learn from me and who value my presence as their teacher!
As I went home for Fall Break, I was blessed with a very sensual experience- the wind was bitter, the multi-colored leaves decorated the ground, and it was a treat to sit outside and reflect on God's awesome works and ways! Here is one example that was decorating our outdoor welcome area (note the amazing little ladybug!)
I had safe travels back and began my new schedule. I love it. It's really busy, but I love it, and there are more opportunities for free time. I posted it a while back.
I especially love the opportunity of having an "audited" course experience in LITERACY with my mentor professor (whom, I also got to have lunch with today). I do like my other two courses too, and I love that I can see my first graders twice a week, and soon I'll see a new batch of preschoolers for 3 days a week. That will be an entirely different adventure!
I was so grateful to be able to play organ again at my home church for worship services on Sunday! And they were communion services! It was a blessing, and I was so glad to be able to share in the music ministry again! And I will this coming Sunday at my interim church!
I am thankful for some new Autumn/Pumpkin/Halloween children's books to use with my students.
I am happy that I got my hands on some new resources for teaching and growing as a professional.
I am excited for special events happening this weekend!
I delivered the message tonight at our campus PRAISE service. Here is an excerpt... (The text was Deuteronomy 10:12-22). The title of my message was, "You've Got A Life to Live!"
... but when we go to help and show God’s love to other people, we not only bless them, but we bless ourselves through the process.
You have been hurt, I know that. But shake it off! And STEP UP! Do not let the hardships in life that are meant to bury you, indeed bury you. Be stiff-necked no longer.
Think about this… when you die, what’s going to be the thing that matters most? How many things you had? How much money you made? How many football games your team won? How many people you knocked out of the way to get to where you were? How many people you shut out of your life?
No. What’s going to matter is how many people you showed the love of God to and the people you were able to help. The crowning achievement in your life will be how many people you were able to help and care for.
God loved you. He loved you so much He sent His Son to die for you. He is helplessly, hopelessly, madly in love with you. Jesus died on the cross, He went through the depths of hell and He rose again- just for you.
And because of that, you’re going to heaven. Do you realize that the minute God called you His own, you were ready to go to heaven? It’s true. But reality is, you’re not there yet! You’ve got a life to live! Until you get to heaven, we are to be about our Father’s business- showing love to one another. So what do you do in the mean time? You’ve got a life to live! Show that very love He first showed you. Be stiff-necked no longer. That’s not easy. Some people don’t want to do any work. As I said, when they encounter a hardship or meet someone they don’t want to help or care for, they think it is easier to whine and recline than to step up and show Christ’s love. But Ephesians 2:10 says this: “We are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus, do to good works that God has prepared in advance for us to do.”
(if you are interested in reading more, let me know.)
After the messages, one of my buddies came up and said "You know, you are a real blessing to all of us. Thank you." And gave me a big hug. That line right there made giving the message worth it- that I could be a blessing and share about what God has done for me!
That reminds me, Tuesday morning, I was getting iced tea to go and head to school. One of the older cafeteria workers, whom I haven't had much interaction with much this semester saw me and came up to me. She said... "You are walking like you have never had any problems." I smiled and said, "Yes, God blessed me with an amazing recovery." Then she said something that made me stop in my tracks. She said,
"You are an inspiration to me. You are an inspiration to students I've talked to. You're an inspiration to everyone!"
I was shocked! But honored! What a high compliment! I've got a life to live, as I said in my message- and that right there helps me realize that I am living it! I am not being buried- I am showing God's love!
I also get to see all of the cafeteria ladies who work the lunch shift. (Whom I haven't gotten to see much of all year.) They all tell me how good I am looking and how much they missed me and talking to me!
That made my day!
Life is abounding with blessings right now. Busy times, and difficulty overcoming this cold, but I've got a life to live! My hope is that I'm living it to the fullest!
Monday, October 17, 2011
Whose Fault?
This was posted on the LoveBomb Facebook page... I really liked it.
It really resounded with what my student teaching supervisor told me all of last quarter...
"Every day, you must forgive yourself..."
Forgiveness of self is important. The above image puts a new spin on it.
Because, if we are really confident, strong, and invulnerable, we shouldn't be letting other people hurt us, should we? So if we let them hurt us, are we at fault as well?
Just thought provoking, I think. It's something I still have a battle with.. There are some things I'm still hurting from. Is that my fault? OR the fault of those who continue to belittle me and take me for granted?
Should I have let it happen in the first place?
Whose fault is it?
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Is It Okay To Be Empathetic?
One of the biggest struggles I had last year was that I felt everyone else's feelings.
Okay, that might not make sense. When someone that I loved had problems, whether it be friend, family member, coworker, professor, etc. I often was so empathetic that I took on their feelings.
It's just who I am- I can't help it. I love helping others. When I sit down and listen, I do so with great empathy. When someone cries, I don't become a shoulder to cry on- I cry with the person. When someone is screaming for joy, I'm jumping just as high as they are.
But, taking on so many other people's emotions and feelings left little room or space for me to consider my own. And that was one thing that I had to learn to get over in counseling- to stop taking on other's emotions and feeling them as if they were my own.
I know it's not something I intentionally do... It just happens. And I have known that since it was contributing to my own problems, that I really wasn't getting much better at it.
But it just took a plummet this weekend with my sister. I mean, I was already feeling very sympathetic for her because of her upcoming surgery (which is happening in early November, by the way). I know what it's like to be in a wheelchair- life is harder. And I don't want to see her go through that. Especially in high school. But then she had her accident yesterday.
And on the way down there, I was teary-eyed. Because I felt so bad for her. She was a little 16 year old, scared, uncertain, confused, and worried. And I know what it's like to feel that way.
And when I saw her- and heard her terrified voice on the phone- I felt all of those emotions all over again. And some are still looming with me.
I love being able to help people. I love being able to share and use my own experiences to help others. But I wish that when someone else was struggling, when someone else had a heartbreak, or a confidence crusher, that I didn't begin struggling, my heart split, or my confidence crushed. I want to help- and I want to listen-
but I don't want all of those feelings to happen to me.... God gave me a gift of being calm and being a good person to talk to... And I want to use those gifts... But I can't take feeling the heartache and emotions of others all the time. It happened more times this past week than it has in a long time, and it's taking a toll on me.
Does that make me a bad person? Is it okay to be empathetic? Is it okay to want to help- and to be there- but not to take on other's emotions?
I'm frustrated with myself for feeling so bad for these people (my missing cousin, baby Jonah and his family, my sister, etc.) - but at the same time, I know I've done what I could do to help, and I keep praying.
I just wish I could help people without feeling their pain as if it were my own...
Okay, that might not make sense. When someone that I loved had problems, whether it be friend, family member, coworker, professor, etc. I often was so empathetic that I took on their feelings.
It's just who I am- I can't help it. I love helping others. When I sit down and listen, I do so with great empathy. When someone cries, I don't become a shoulder to cry on- I cry with the person. When someone is screaming for joy, I'm jumping just as high as they are.
But, taking on so many other people's emotions and feelings left little room or space for me to consider my own. And that was one thing that I had to learn to get over in counseling- to stop taking on other's emotions and feeling them as if they were my own.
I know it's not something I intentionally do... It just happens. And I have known that since it was contributing to my own problems, that I really wasn't getting much better at it.
But it just took a plummet this weekend with my sister. I mean, I was already feeling very sympathetic for her because of her upcoming surgery (which is happening in early November, by the way). I know what it's like to be in a wheelchair- life is harder. And I don't want to see her go through that. Especially in high school. But then she had her accident yesterday.
And on the way down there, I was teary-eyed. Because I felt so bad for her. She was a little 16 year old, scared, uncertain, confused, and worried. And I know what it's like to feel that way.
And when I saw her- and heard her terrified voice on the phone- I felt all of those emotions all over again. And some are still looming with me.
I love being able to help people. I love being able to share and use my own experiences to help others. But I wish that when someone else was struggling, when someone else had a heartbreak, or a confidence crusher, that I didn't begin struggling, my heart split, or my confidence crushed. I want to help- and I want to listen-
but I don't want all of those feelings to happen to me.... God gave me a gift of being calm and being a good person to talk to... And I want to use those gifts... But I can't take feeling the heartache and emotions of others all the time. It happened more times this past week than it has in a long time, and it's taking a toll on me.
Does that make me a bad person? Is it okay to be empathetic? Is it okay to want to help- and to be there- but not to take on other's emotions?
I'm frustrated with myself for feeling so bad for these people (my missing cousin, baby Jonah and his family, my sister, etc.) - but at the same time, I know I've done what I could do to help, and I keep praying.
I just wish I could help people without feeling their pain as if it were my own...
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Take Your Own Advice!
I just wanted to let everyone know I'm okay.
I made it home for break, and I am sick. I was worn down by the stress of the last week and the extra time and work that parent teacher conferences took.
My parents had to go out of town today, and I was sleeping on the couch. My phone rang. It was my sister, I couldn't understand her but she was sobbing. She just turned 16. I came to find out she was in a car accident.
Though I wasn't really up to it, I put my shoes on and sped to where she was, about 12 miles away. She told me she was fine, but I can't tell you how scary that was. It's so hard to get a call like that... "There's been an accident, come right away..." Especially me having to make the decisions about car towing, etc. I had to sort of play the parent role.
I'm still really shook up.
Meanwhile, I forgot my evening medications at school... So, that, and my major head-cold have made sleeping next-to-impossible. And it's made me a little bit sicker because I'm not managing very well without those pills. I'll be back on them again tomorrow.
While I was taking my sister back home, I said, "I hope you do a lot of talking to God about this."
And then just a bit ago, I was thinking, sitting, in a coughing spell. And it sort of hit me, "Why don't you take your own advice!"
So I've been talking to God. I'm still not feeling up to par and I have to drive tomorrow, and play in church, but it just seems like everything is going to be okay.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
How Can I Show It?
I was reading a devotional this evening before bed, an in an interview with USA Today, Bethany Hamilton (Soul Surfer)'s pastor was quoted saying this:
Her pastor, Steve Thompson, said, "She's looking forward to the future. She's asking herself, 'How can I show the world I still have a life, that I enjoy my life, and that my life is filled with joy?' She has an underlying trust that God is taking care of her."
That's my focus during the next week or so.
I'm transitioning- from good things to great things. But life is going to be a little different.
I have a break starting tomorrow evening and extending into Sunday. And then I start a new adventure for the next 8 weeks.
And after that... Well, I'm looking forward to the future.
I'm asking myself, like Bethany, "How can I show the world, especially those who still view me as one who is no longer competent as a friend, that I still have a life- a new one- and that I now enjoy my life? How can I show that my life is filled with joy?"
It's a question that I can't answer right here in a few paragraphs. I know my life is filled with joy and will be in the future.
Now, how do I go about showing it? This is one of those "And What About You" posts?
How do you show your life is filled with joy? How do you encourage me to show my own life is filled with joy?
I have joy, I know it, because I, like Bethany, have an underlying trust that God is, God was, and God always will be taking care of me.
How, now, shall I live? How can I show my life is full of you?
Her pastor, Steve Thompson, said, "She's looking forward to the future. She's asking herself, 'How can I show the world I still have a life, that I enjoy my life, and that my life is filled with joy?' She has an underlying trust that God is taking care of her."
That's my focus during the next week or so.
I'm transitioning- from good things to great things. But life is going to be a little different.
I have a break starting tomorrow evening and extending into Sunday. And then I start a new adventure for the next 8 weeks.
And after that... Well, I'm looking forward to the future.
I'm asking myself, like Bethany, "How can I show the world, especially those who still view me as one who is no longer competent as a friend, that I still have a life- a new one- and that I now enjoy my life? How can I show that my life is filled with joy?"
It's a question that I can't answer right here in a few paragraphs. I know my life is filled with joy and will be in the future.
Now, how do I go about showing it? This is one of those "And What About You" posts?
How do you show your life is filled with joy? How do you encourage me to show my own life is filled with joy?
I have joy, I know it, because I, like Bethany, have an underlying trust that God is, God was, and God always will be taking care of me.
How, now, shall I live? How can I show my life is full of you?
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
When Fears Are Smashed
Today was the day a year ago I first heard the diagnosis of "depression..."
And today, a year later, my fears and insecurities have been smashed. I am standing on top of them as the victor.
It was a full day- I had music methods this morning, where we did some group lessons. Ours went very well, and then we had a "final" quiz (our original methods courses are now ending this week.) Anyway, I got an A on the lesson plan and on the final recorder quiz! :)
My day always starts well when I get to teach reading. I started off with a dramatic reading of "Hattie and the Fox"- now, I saw how much my students loved it when I changed my voice for the crazy hen giving a warning, so I really beefed it up today. I had so much fun, and they were in tears laughing!
The rest of the day was great- I had recess duty today and did not have my whistle, so my voice is a little worn out from doing a lot of hollering, but it was fun to be outside with my students.
Then, at the end of the day, I had parent teacher conferences. It had been a long day, but it was a blessing to meet, greet, and share the growths and strengths of the children with their parents.
After that, my co-op gave me my final evaluation! Out of 56 questions to be ranked 5 to 1 (five being the highest, one being the lowest), I was ranked "5" on 54 of 56 questions, the other 2 I got a 4!!!! Who would have thought a year later, I would be having such successes and celebrations? She wrote many nice things, but the final one said:
"Without any hesitation, I would recommend Dylan for teaching in a primary classroom. I have been delighted to work with him."
Fears are smashed! I CAN do this! And I AM good at it!
After that, I had my final evaluation period with my supervisor. He gave me 56 out of 56 fives!!!!!!!! I was on cloud nine! He also wrote so many great things, but at the end he said:
"Dylan has wisdom beyond his years. After serving as a teacher and principal for 41 years, I would be overjoyed if Dylan were to join my faculty."
Fears are smashed! Again, I CAN do this! I AM good at it!
I also am thinking this week about my schedule starting Monday. I am really, really looking forward to it, especially my continued ministry in this classroom on Tuesday/Thursdays! Basically, teaching preschool or first grade in the mornings, and classes in the afternoons! Here it is:
And today, a year later, my fears and insecurities have been smashed. I am standing on top of them as the victor.
It was a full day- I had music methods this morning, where we did some group lessons. Ours went very well, and then we had a "final" quiz (our original methods courses are now ending this week.) Anyway, I got an A on the lesson plan and on the final recorder quiz! :)
My day always starts well when I get to teach reading. I started off with a dramatic reading of "Hattie and the Fox"- now, I saw how much my students loved it when I changed my voice for the crazy hen giving a warning, so I really beefed it up today. I had so much fun, and they were in tears laughing!
The rest of the day was great- I had recess duty today and did not have my whistle, so my voice is a little worn out from doing a lot of hollering, but it was fun to be outside with my students.
Then, at the end of the day, I had parent teacher conferences. It had been a long day, but it was a blessing to meet, greet, and share the growths and strengths of the children with their parents.
After that, my co-op gave me my final evaluation! Out of 56 questions to be ranked 5 to 1 (five being the highest, one being the lowest), I was ranked "5" on 54 of 56 questions, the other 2 I got a 4!!!! Who would have thought a year later, I would be having such successes and celebrations? She wrote many nice things, but the final one said:
"Without any hesitation, I would recommend Dylan for teaching in a primary classroom. I have been delighted to work with him."
Fears are smashed! I CAN do this! And I AM good at it!
After that, I had my final evaluation period with my supervisor. He gave me 56 out of 56 fives!!!!!!!! I was on cloud nine! He also wrote so many great things, but at the end he said:
"Dylan has wisdom beyond his years. After serving as a teacher and principal for 41 years, I would be overjoyed if Dylan were to join my faculty."
Fears are smashed! Again, I CAN do this! I AM good at it!
I also am thinking this week about my schedule starting Monday. I am really, really looking forward to it, especially my continued ministry in this classroom on Tuesday/Thursdays! Basically, teaching preschool or first grade in the mornings, and classes in the afternoons! Here it is:
Fears are smashed! I look FORWARD to each day!
Also, I am really looking forward to Fall (Autumn) Break this weekend, Thursday night through Sunday. I will be heading home just to escape, take a brain break, relax, and rejuvenate to be ready for next Monday! It will be great for a personal get away! I need it!
Who would have thought a year ago that a year from now, fears would be smashed? I would be doing so well? It really shows- God will see you through anything. You CAN do it!
Monday, October 10, 2011
Let's Celebrate Today
It's the 10th!
365 days to this day, it happened. (Though the actual diagnosis did not happen until the 11th).
But, I want to invite you.... CELEBRATE with me!
Tell all of your friends, neighbors, family, classmates, or anyone you meet- that today we are celebrating Dylan.
I know it sounds a bit naive/vain, but today is indeed a day of CELEBRATION.
I could look back and mourn and feel sorry for myself.
But I'm looking at where I am now and where I'm going.
I can't ignore or forget the past- it's there, and it happened.
But today, let's celebrate. Let's really CELEBRATE!
Join me. Eat a cupcake in my honor. Have a drink on me. ;) Hang streamers in your room or office. Scream on the top of your lungs. Give me a hug.
Today is not a day of sadness- it is a day of CELEBRATION! Spread the word!
Let's lift up many prayers to God for seeing me through every moment of this.
Rejoice and be glad with me. Let's celebrate today.
We have every reason to! :)
365 days to this day, it happened. (Though the actual diagnosis did not happen until the 11th).
But, I want to invite you.... CELEBRATE with me!
Tell all of your friends, neighbors, family, classmates, or anyone you meet- that today we are celebrating Dylan.
I know it sounds a bit naive/vain, but today is indeed a day of CELEBRATION.
I could look back and mourn and feel sorry for myself.
But I'm looking at where I am now and where I'm going.
I can't ignore or forget the past- it's there, and it happened.
But today, let's celebrate. Let's really CELEBRATE!
Join me. Eat a cupcake in my honor. Have a drink on me. ;) Hang streamers in your room or office. Scream on the top of your lungs. Give me a hug.
Today is not a day of sadness- it is a day of CELEBRATION! Spread the word!
Let's lift up many prayers to God for seeing me through every moment of this.
Rejoice and be glad with me. Let's celebrate today.
We have every reason to! :)
Sunday, October 9, 2011
I Laid Down My Sword
Today was the day. The second Sunday in October. (Tomorrow is the date- October 10th).
I know I've been writing about this a lot, but, it is really helping me to look back and see what has changed and how far I've come in the timespan of 365 days.
I remember that day- but not many after. And that's why it was so hard for me to try and put this into a book. Why I've only written those 2 excerpts.
Because, I don't remember much of the story after that.
But I do remember this day. And I remember what I felt like...
-Forgotten by friends
-Worried about many things
-Under pressure. We're talking a lot of pressure.
-Under stress. We're talking a lot of stress.
-Under a lot of emotional turmoil.
-Trying to help so many people and not ever help myself.
-Overwhelmed.
-Tired. Running on 4-5 (or less) hours of sleep a night.
-Over-involved. A member of everything.
I just couldn't do it anymore. And neither could my body. And with a lot of tears shed in the days prior and knowing something was going to happen, it was one of the hardest days of my life.
Because I knew something was coming. And I just let it happen. I remember the hours before church thinking,
"You can't go on. It's time to rest. You will be okay. But just rest. Stop trying to fight me. You've fought for long enough and you don't have the strength anymore. It's time to lay down your sword and give up on this battle."
And, while I didn't necessarily give up, I just knew it was a battle I wasn't going to win. I didn't ask it to come- and I didn't know it was coming in the form of losing my ability to walk. But it came. And the illness completely consumed me.
I don't know really what happened in those 6 weeks. But they are 6 weeks where I was hit- time and time again. I laid down my sword and let the enemy completely take me over. I was on the ground and I was being kicked, slapped, stabbed, smashed.
Fast forward 10-12 months later. Here I am now. And I realize, it wasn't me who laid down the sword. It was God. God stepped in and said,
"You've fought the fight, Dylan. Well done. Lay down your sword- it might be hard for a while, but let me take over. Let me take on this battle. Let me lift up my sword, which is far stronger than yours. I will win this battle for you. It might be a long battle. But I will fight for you. You only need to be still."
And I look back on today's events. And I rejoice.
I rejoice, because, before church, two of my best friends texted me and asked if I wanted to go to 11:00 church with them. I sat between them. I was in God's house surrounded by 2 of the greatest guys I have ever met, sharing in the worship experience and rejoicing in our Christian fellowship.
I rejoice, because, after church, I was walking with one of them and his girlfriend, and we noticed her car had been hit. I was late for work, but I stuck around and helped notify the authorities and try and scope suspects.
I rejoice, because, at work, my coworker knew what day it was. And she reminded me, "Look how strong you are now."
I rejoice, because of e-mails I have received throughout the day, and because of people I have talked to, who have both reaffirmed my vocation and and encouraged me.
I rejoice, because, I sat with my co-op teacher, who is also my colleague and my friend, and we talked a lot. She is just amazing and I look forward to our continued partnership and friendship.
I rejoice because I look at the roadmap of what's ahed. I am so excited for second quarter and for what I get to be doing.
I rejoice because right now, life is just amazing. I know I get some days where I have a bad attitude, like Friday, but it happens.
Thank you, God, for what has happened and who I am today. I will never be the same since I laid my sword down.
Another prayer request- Please, pray for my professor's baby. Professor G., and her baby's name is Jonah. Only a few months old. I saw her before church this morning and I talked to her. That little baby looked up at me with a giant smile and really, big, bright brown eyes.
Prof. G informed me that baby Jonah is undergoing open heart surgery on Tuesday. She was very frazzled, but today was holding up okay. The poor little boy, so innocently lay there, not knowing what lies ahead. He has a hole in his heart and a valve not working properly. I almost was in tears as she told me about it and I looked down at his precious little face. I told her I was going to do the most I can do- pray. And I ask you to please do the same.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Endures All Things
Love... endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:4ff
I came across that verse in a devotional late last night.
First of all, thank you to all of you for the prayers. My cousin was found and all I know is that she is home safe. I don't know any other details yet.
Love... endures all things. It's a bad time of year, as I've been saying. The past is there- I said to myself today, "After October 10th, this year, you WILL have 6 weeks that follow which you remember. You WILL have a great fall break. You WILL enjoy the autumn weather. You WILL succeed because love WILL endure."
Love.... endures all things. I was wiped last night. It was an emotionally taxing day. And about 9:00, I was ready to call it quits and head to bed. But I got a phone call shortly after inviting me to come play Pictionary. I came really close to saying, "Ha... Yeah... I'll come and fall asleep." But I said I'd make an appearance. They begged me to play, so I did. Needless to say, I had a lot of laughs, and others had a lot of laughs at my expense. I was totally out of it! One example, I thought the card said Ramona. So I was trying to draw Ramona and Beezus from Beverly Cleary's book. My team wasn't getting it, and then someone noticed on the other team, that I misread the card. It said, "Aroma." Not Ramona.
Love... endures all things. It endures and makes friendships hang on. I love little "run-ins"- where you meet a friend, say, in passing on the sidewalk and you end up chatting for a long period of time. I had two of them tonight. And I'm going to Skype with another friend a bit later.
Love.... endures all things. Many said, "There's no way Dylan can make it through student teaching 1. His health is so poor, he can't physically or emotionally handle the pressure." Well, I'm here to tell you, if you ever believed or said that, you were wrong. I never for a second doubted that I could do this. And I am four school days away from saying, "I did it. Look at me know. I'm chasing my dreams. Love is enduring."
Love... endures all things. I'm not on a depressed downward slope, and there is no WAY what happened last year would happen again. Last year I had a list longer than my arm of pressures and problems in my life. I'm not saying they're gone- most are, some remain, and some new ones have arrived. But the way I feel right now compared to the way I felt to the days leading up to my body shutting down is like night and day different. I am confident. I am strong. I am happy. I am in control. Love endured through those months of nightmare last year, and love will always endure.
Because love comes from God, and His love endures all things.
I came across that verse in a devotional late last night.
First of all, thank you to all of you for the prayers. My cousin was found and all I know is that she is home safe. I don't know any other details yet.
Love... endures all things. It's a bad time of year, as I've been saying. The past is there- I said to myself today, "After October 10th, this year, you WILL have 6 weeks that follow which you remember. You WILL have a great fall break. You WILL enjoy the autumn weather. You WILL succeed because love WILL endure."
Love.... endures all things. I was wiped last night. It was an emotionally taxing day. And about 9:00, I was ready to call it quits and head to bed. But I got a phone call shortly after inviting me to come play Pictionary. I came really close to saying, "Ha... Yeah... I'll come and fall asleep." But I said I'd make an appearance. They begged me to play, so I did. Needless to say, I had a lot of laughs, and others had a lot of laughs at my expense. I was totally out of it! One example, I thought the card said Ramona. So I was trying to draw Ramona and Beezus from Beverly Cleary's book. My team wasn't getting it, and then someone noticed on the other team, that I misread the card. It said, "Aroma." Not Ramona.
Love... endures all things. It endures and makes friendships hang on. I love little "run-ins"- where you meet a friend, say, in passing on the sidewalk and you end up chatting for a long period of time. I had two of them tonight. And I'm going to Skype with another friend a bit later.
Love.... endures all things. Many said, "There's no way Dylan can make it through student teaching 1. His health is so poor, he can't physically or emotionally handle the pressure." Well, I'm here to tell you, if you ever believed or said that, you were wrong. I never for a second doubted that I could do this. And I am four school days away from saying, "I did it. Look at me know. I'm chasing my dreams. Love is enduring."
Love... endures all things. I'm not on a depressed downward slope, and there is no WAY what happened last year would happen again. Last year I had a list longer than my arm of pressures and problems in my life. I'm not saying they're gone- most are, some remain, and some new ones have arrived. But the way I feel right now compared to the way I felt to the days leading up to my body shutting down is like night and day different. I am confident. I am strong. I am happy. I am in control. Love endured through those months of nightmare last year, and love will always endure.
Because love comes from God, and His love endures all things.
Friday, October 7, 2011
What Have You Done For Me Lately?
I had a bad attitude this morning. I'll be the first to admit that.
I was driving to school, on not enough sleep, thinking about all I had to do for the day, for the weekend and for the coming week. Thinking about the transitions that will happen in the next week.
I was worried for my sister. She was having an MRI done today on her hip. More on that later. I was worried for a cousin of mine. During one of her high school classes yesterday, she went to the bathroom and never came back. She is reported missing and nobody has any idea where she is.
All of that, and struggling with being in this time of year, remembering all of the trials from last fall, I just had a bad attitude. And I think I kind of said, "You know, God, what have you done for me lately? Do you know how hard life is getting?
And you know what happened? I came over the hill on the highway and my view was this:
I was driving to school, on not enough sleep, thinking about all I had to do for the day, for the weekend and for the coming week. Thinking about the transitions that will happen in the next week.
I was worried for my sister. She was having an MRI done today on her hip. More on that later. I was worried for a cousin of mine. During one of her high school classes yesterday, she went to the bathroom and never came back. She is reported missing and nobody has any idea where she is.
All of that, and struggling with being in this time of year, remembering all of the trials from last fall, I just had a bad attitude. And I think I kind of said, "You know, God, what have you done for me lately? Do you know how hard life is getting?
And you know what happened? I came over the hill on the highway and my view was this:
(These pictures were -shamefully- taken while I was driving. My camera was in my rolling briefcase bag and I was able to snap a few shots.)
I believe that God painted that scene just for me. That beautiful sunrise that brightly lit the different colors in the sky was just for me.
God responding, "Look what I'm doing for you NOW." He didn't have to paint those colors in the sky, but He did.
He didn't have to give me a sunny morning. But He did.
And if He can do even that, what more can He do for me? He forgives my sins and blesses me beyond belief every day.
Even on those days, like today, when I fail to recognize it.
Prayer request for my cousin, Anna, who is still missing at this time. Not sure how I can help other than pray right now.
Prayer request for my sister, who didn't get very good results from her MRI today. She will need a major surgery on her hip. She has torn something. The bad part is, she will be laid up for about 6 months. She will be in the hospital for a few weeks, followed by bed rest and then weeks of intensive physical therapy. She will need to be in a wheelchair. Remembering the 10 weeks of my life last year when I was in a wheelchair, I don't want her to go through that. I don't want her to go through what I did. I just don't. I just feel so bad for her. I will see her next weekend, but in the mean time... I wish there was something more I could be doing.
Though God reminded me of His presence through the sunrise, it was still a day full of challenges. During a reading practice time, I was working with a group in the library on guided reading, and the paraeducator was working a few feet away with another boy. She had asked him to do something and he responded, "Screw you." After a few moments of shock, hearing that from a first grader, I had to take care of it.
I had noon recess duty and on the way in, I smelled something and realized one of my students had gone in his pants. So I also had to take care of that.
It has been one of those days. But I'm hanging on strong. Praying.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
It's Coming
This is a hard time of year.
I said it was going to be happy, and a celebration. But it's hard.
Because the week after homecoming (which is this weekend), is the day (October 10th) when my body gave up and the following day, the 11th, I was diagnosed.
What a hard time of year. Remembering all of the problems that buried me.
I could make you a laundry list of all of the things that led up to my body giving up. I have a feeling some of them wouldn't make any sense. Unless you knew me at that time of my life and what I was trying to endure.
And on October 10th, my body finally said, "This is too much. I've had enough. I'm shutting down for a while."
I remember very well the events that led up to it. But after that, there is a period of about 6-8 weeks of my life, that I lost.
About 8 weeks were robbed from my life. I lost them. I don't remember much about what happened.
I remember I couldn't think. I couldn't eat. I could barely get out of bed. I fell behind in classes because they became a lull. I could barely move.
And I don't remember much of anything that happened during those 6-8 weeks.
I know- in the grand scheme of things, those 6-8 weeks will seem rather insignificant. But they were important.
But memories that I would have had to grasp on to- they're gone.
Valuable information I learned in class- it's gone.
Special days or events that happened- I don't know whether or not they did.
Things people did for me, said for me- I haven't a clue.
I feel robbed. Some say, "Well, it's been a year, I thought you were over all of that stuff?"
No, I'm actually not. Every day I try and process it. Every day I have to fight and make choices to make sure it doesn't happen again. Every day I put 7 pills in my body to prevent anything further to happen. Every day I have to see the people who won't speak to me because I'm different and because of what happened. Those things are real now, and those things will stick with me for a while.
And this is a hard time of year because I remember all of the bad things- all of the pressures- that I had to endure during that time. I just could not take another thing happen to me- my body exploded (imploded).
But it's also a time to think back to see God's hand throughout everything. I don't know really what happened between me and Him those 6-8 weeks.
But I am confident He blessed me in more ways I could ever imagine.
You'll probably hear more about this in the coming days, because the 1 year mark is quickly approaching.
It is a hard time of year. But I'm letting God handle the pressures. God is saying, "Dylan, I know these next few days will be full of pressure and painful memories. But get out of my way. Let me handle these pressures. Move! Get going! I will take care of it! Get out of my way!"
I said it was going to be happy, and a celebration. But it's hard.
Because the week after homecoming (which is this weekend), is the day (October 10th) when my body gave up and the following day, the 11th, I was diagnosed.
What a hard time of year. Remembering all of the problems that buried me.
I could make you a laundry list of all of the things that led up to my body giving up. I have a feeling some of them wouldn't make any sense. Unless you knew me at that time of my life and what I was trying to endure.
And on October 10th, my body finally said, "This is too much. I've had enough. I'm shutting down for a while."
I remember very well the events that led up to it. But after that, there is a period of about 6-8 weeks of my life, that I lost.
About 8 weeks were robbed from my life. I lost them. I don't remember much about what happened.
I remember I couldn't think. I couldn't eat. I could barely get out of bed. I fell behind in classes because they became a lull. I could barely move.
And I don't remember much of anything that happened during those 6-8 weeks.
I know- in the grand scheme of things, those 6-8 weeks will seem rather insignificant. But they were important.
But memories that I would have had to grasp on to- they're gone.
Valuable information I learned in class- it's gone.
Special days or events that happened- I don't know whether or not they did.
Things people did for me, said for me- I haven't a clue.
I feel robbed. Some say, "Well, it's been a year, I thought you were over all of that stuff?"
No, I'm actually not. Every day I try and process it. Every day I have to fight and make choices to make sure it doesn't happen again. Every day I put 7 pills in my body to prevent anything further to happen. Every day I have to see the people who won't speak to me because I'm different and because of what happened. Those things are real now, and those things will stick with me for a while.
And this is a hard time of year because I remember all of the bad things- all of the pressures- that I had to endure during that time. I just could not take another thing happen to me- my body exploded (imploded).
But it's also a time to think back to see God's hand throughout everything. I don't know really what happened between me and Him those 6-8 weeks.
But I am confident He blessed me in more ways I could ever imagine.
You'll probably hear more about this in the coming days, because the 1 year mark is quickly approaching.
It is a hard time of year. But I'm letting God handle the pressures. God is saying, "Dylan, I know these next few days will be full of pressure and painful memories. But get out of my way. Let me handle these pressures. Move! Get going! I will take care of it! Get out of my way!"
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Not Good Enough? Me?
Some days, and I am sure everyone has these days, I think, "I'm not good enough to do this."
Some days, and some circumstances, can lead people to feel...
"I am not good enough to be a friend because these 3 people told me so."
"I am not good enough to be a teacher because I got a low mark on one of my supervisor visit ratings." (didn't happen yesterday, but I'm just saying...)
"I am not good enough to chase my dreams because I don't have the strength."
"I am just not good enough."
I have been developing a friendship with the 5th grade teacher at my school. Her name is Nicky. I had a long conversation with her this morning as I was coming in to school. She offered me these phenomenal words of advice which I need to put on a big poster and hang in my room.
She said this:
"God does not call the equipped; He equips those whom He calls."
Isn't that true?!
With that confidence and attitude in mind, we know there is no such thing as
"Not good enough."
"Not smart enough."
"Not perfect."
"Hopeless."
"Can't learn."
Because God equips those whom we call.
Every experience we endure, we later see His hand in it- and His hand is there to equip us. Not to harm us.
Equipping. You are good enough. You are strong enough. You are loved. Especially in God's eyes.
And that's why and how He equips you for what lies ahead. I don't know what that is- I imagine different paths for each one of my many readers.
But whatever it is, don't you dare for a second believe you are not good enough or not equipped.
Leave it to God. Do your best and give Him the rest. Take care of the possible and trust God with the impossible.
Sorry for my lack of comments on other's blogs... I'll be reading and getting back to you..... Soon...
Some days, and some circumstances, can lead people to feel...
"I am not good enough to be a friend because these 3 people told me so."
"I am not good enough to be a teacher because I got a low mark on one of my supervisor visit ratings." (didn't happen yesterday, but I'm just saying...)
"I am not good enough to chase my dreams because I don't have the strength."
"I am just not good enough."
I have been developing a friendship with the 5th grade teacher at my school. Her name is Nicky. I had a long conversation with her this morning as I was coming in to school. She offered me these phenomenal words of advice which I need to put on a big poster and hang in my room.
She said this:
"God does not call the equipped; He equips those whom He calls."
Isn't that true?!
With that confidence and attitude in mind, we know there is no such thing as
"Not good enough."
"Not smart enough."
"Not perfect."
"Hopeless."
"Can't learn."
Because God equips those whom we call.
Every experience we endure, we later see His hand in it- and His hand is there to equip us. Not to harm us.
Equipping. You are good enough. You are strong enough. You are loved. Especially in God's eyes.
And that's why and how He equips you for what lies ahead. I don't know what that is- I imagine different paths for each one of my many readers.
But whatever it is, don't you dare for a second believe you are not good enough or not equipped.
Leave it to God. Do your best and give Him the rest. Take care of the possible and trust God with the impossible.
Sorry for my lack of comments on other's blogs... I'll be reading and getting back to you..... Soon...
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
It Came Back To Me
Remember yesterday when I was talking about little things making a big difference?
It came back to me today.
As I pulled in to my dorm, after being gone at school for 10 hours, tired, hungry, busy, and in a hurry, I opened the passenger door of my car and pulled out a box, a big book (these are books 2 ft. by 2 ft.- big for shared reading), a sack, my lunch box, my water jug, my backpack, and another book.
I managed to juggle it all into my hands, and I thought, "Smart, Dylan, now how are you going to get into the building?" I looked my behind me and saw a guy who was coming back from track practice. I almost made it to the door, and this guy comes sprinting across the grass, and says, "LET ME GET THAT FOR YOU!" so I wait. He not only went out of his way to get it for me, he opened two other doors in the building.
I have never seen or talked to this guy. Never. But, his kindness amazed me.
What a difference it made- I came home feeling semi-defeated, and that little thing this guy did- going out of his way to help me- made a big difference.
I was also to help someone, which I was called a "lifesaver" for- I picked something up from the city I'm teaching in and brought it back to campus for a professor. I was happy to go off my route home and do that little favor- but it made her day.
My help last night came back to me today. And you know what I want to do? Pay it forward to someone else.
I will do just that. I will keep my eyes open tomorrow for anyone I can help.
Reasons Why I Was Blessed Today:
-Similar recorder experience to this time. I think I made a lot of people laugh again today, and hey, that's great!
-My partner and I collaborated on a GREAT lesson plan!
-I taught an awesome lesson this morning.
-However, this afternoon, I had a supervisor visit. Let me spare you the details and say the students were very defiant during this time. They were not that way in the morning. I felt just sick about the way it went- and I was being OBSERVED!
However, I met with my supervisor tonight. He said when I came in, "You did excellent today!" I said "What?!" and he said "You handled that so well- so gentle, so caring, so kind, slow to get angry." He said I did awesome.
-Then, he said, "And when you read to the students... Well, this is a HIGH compliment... I think you are the next Mr. Rogers." (I don't know if my global friends will know that name- here you go.)
-I found out this afternoon, that I will not be leaving my school completely at the end of next week!!! my practicum next quarter will only go on MWF mornings, and I have class MTWR afternoons, so I can go teach reading at my school on Tuesday Thursday mornings!!!!! As a volunteer!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAHOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
-My mentor sent me very good resources!
Today totally flipped around! I love that God can do that!
It came back to me today.
As I pulled in to my dorm, after being gone at school for 10 hours, tired, hungry, busy, and in a hurry, I opened the passenger door of my car and pulled out a box, a big book (these are books 2 ft. by 2 ft.- big for shared reading), a sack, my lunch box, my water jug, my backpack, and another book.
I managed to juggle it all into my hands, and I thought, "Smart, Dylan, now how are you going to get into the building?" I looked my behind me and saw a guy who was coming back from track practice. I almost made it to the door, and this guy comes sprinting across the grass, and says, "LET ME GET THAT FOR YOU!" so I wait. He not only went out of his way to get it for me, he opened two other doors in the building.
I have never seen or talked to this guy. Never. But, his kindness amazed me.
What a difference it made- I came home feeling semi-defeated, and that little thing this guy did- going out of his way to help me- made a big difference.
I was also to help someone, which I was called a "lifesaver" for- I picked something up from the city I'm teaching in and brought it back to campus for a professor. I was happy to go off my route home and do that little favor- but it made her day.
My help last night came back to me today. And you know what I want to do? Pay it forward to someone else.
I will do just that. I will keep my eyes open tomorrow for anyone I can help.
Reasons Why I Was Blessed Today:
-Similar recorder experience to this time. I think I made a lot of people laugh again today, and hey, that's great!
-My partner and I collaborated on a GREAT lesson plan!
-I taught an awesome lesson this morning.
-However, this afternoon, I had a supervisor visit. Let me spare you the details and say the students were very defiant during this time. They were not that way in the morning. I felt just sick about the way it went- and I was being OBSERVED!
However, I met with my supervisor tonight. He said when I came in, "You did excellent today!" I said "What?!" and he said "You handled that so well- so gentle, so caring, so kind, slow to get angry." He said I did awesome.
-Then, he said, "And when you read to the students... Well, this is a HIGH compliment... I think you are the next Mr. Rogers." (I don't know if my global friends will know that name- here you go.)
-I found out this afternoon, that I will not be leaving my school completely at the end of next week!!! my practicum next quarter will only go on MWF mornings, and I have class MTWR afternoons, so I can go teach reading at my school on Tuesday Thursday mornings!!!!! As a volunteer!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAHOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
-My mentor sent me very good resources!
Today totally flipped around! I love that God can do that!
Monday, October 3, 2011
Who Knew?
I had a wonderful revelation this evening while working behind the library desk.
A guy was walking by and I said, "Hey, ------! Good to see you!" And he smiled and returned the greeting, and then I said "Where are you living this year? I don't see much of you!"
That was an invitation, it seemed, for him to pour out a bunch of happenings and information to me. Far more than I expected-
But, I think, tonight, that was what he needed- someone just to unload to. And I was happy to be able to serve in that capacity. I had to go fix the printer, and I assumed he would leave, but he didn't. He stayed at the desk and waited for me. He really wanted to talk.
I didn't have any advice, didn't have any stories in return, I just simply listened.
And I think that was just what he needed. Who knew?
Who knew that serving in such a small capacity- for a grand total of 10, maybe 15 minutes- could make this guy's night? That it was just the thing he needed?
Who knew?
It makes me wonder, what other random acts of kindness we miss out on that could really make a difference in someone's day...
A guy was walking by and I said, "Hey, ------! Good to see you!" And he smiled and returned the greeting, and then I said "Where are you living this year? I don't see much of you!"
That was an invitation, it seemed, for him to pour out a bunch of happenings and information to me. Far more than I expected-
But, I think, tonight, that was what he needed- someone just to unload to. And I was happy to be able to serve in that capacity. I had to go fix the printer, and I assumed he would leave, but he didn't. He stayed at the desk and waited for me. He really wanted to talk.
I didn't have any advice, didn't have any stories in return, I just simply listened.
And I think that was just what he needed. Who knew?
Who knew that serving in such a small capacity- for a grand total of 10, maybe 15 minutes- could make this guy's night? That it was just the thing he needed?
Who knew?
It makes me wonder, what other random acts of kindness we miss out on that could really make a difference in someone's day...
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Forget It!
Old Testament: Isaiah 5:1-7 (We'll get to this passage later this week)
Epistle: Philippians 3:4b-14
Gospel: Matthew 21:33-46
We'll focus on Philippians today, specifically verse 13-
"Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."
It's getting bad.
It's getting me in trouble.
It's slipping away.
What I'm talking about is my memory. I used to be very good about remembering tasks I needed to complete, things I needed, people I needed to contact, and projects that needed done.
And now... Well, not so much. I forget a lot of things. Not intentionally- I think it's because I'm really, really busy and things just get forgotten about.
But you know, no matter how bad my memory may be getting, there are some things in life I am sure I will never forget.
Like the first time I got in front of a class to teach.
The first time I played organ for a church service.
Special trips I've made throughout my life to various locations and experiencing new things (like white water rafting in Colorado).
Yes, there are those things which I won't forget.
And there are those things which I should never forget.
The day I was baptized and welcomed into the family of God (which, I don't remember, other than a reminder every Sunday when we have the invocation of the service). The day which God sent His call to me, called me His own, and adopted me as a Son, and heir of His heavenly throne.
And then, there are some things I can't forget.
There are those days in the past where I've done something wrong. Where I've hurt someone. When I've messed up. When I wish I could have had a do-over. The days, when I remember them, I am filled with guilt of the past- shame, and regret.
And there are those days where someone else did me wrong. Did something bad to me. I can say, "I'll never forget what he did to me..." or "I'll forgive you, but I'll never forget it!"
But this passage reminds us.... Many of our yesterdays get in the way of God's tomorrow. It reminds us that when we are flooded with the guilt of the past, we are not able to answer the present call of God. When we refuse to let go and forget about what someone else did to us, when we let it get in the way of God's tomorrow, and fills with anger, resentment, or hurt.
But our text draws our focus from them. It tells us, "FORGET about those things!!! Don't hold on!! Forget about what is behind. Focus on what will last- ME, my presence, and my abiding comfort!"
We should never forget that we are not forgotten! God is so amazing, that He looks at us, and He says, "I'll forget the sins, but I'll remember you!"
And we are called to do the same- with ourselves, and with others.... forget the sins, the wrongs, and remember God's love and abiding presence in that person's life.
God will never forget about you! You may forget about Him, but that will not and cannot stop Him from remembering you! Now, that's powerful!
Blessings:
-Worship with communion today!
-This hymn was our last communion hymn. Except, ours had 5 verses. Anyway, this line really struck me and has been resounding in my head all day:
"That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never, no never, no never forsake!"
-After church, one of my friends who I was sitting next to said, "It was a pleasure sitting next to you- especially hearing that beautiful singing voice of yours."
-My mini-refrigerator kind of blew up today.... Now, this is a blessing only because I was in my room when it happened. I don't know what problems could have happened had I been away...
-Writing lesson plans for this week- I am really, really excited to put them in practice!
-I got some of my photos developed and I have been so glad to share them with others.
-I have gotten so much accomplished this weekend!
-Nothing is bringing me down at the moment!
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