Three Months is a Long Time

Hello friends,

Many of you are probably wondering where I’ve gone and why it’s been three months since you last heard from me.  Hopefully I can give you an idea here.

I first want to let you all know that it was never my intention to abruptly abandon Blogger and my followers. I guess it sort of just… happened. I’ve thought of you all often, but in a sense I was “afraid” to enter back into the world of blogging. I think, because, I’ve been embarrassed that I left without any sort of explanation.

I started this blog December of 2010 when I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder. I didn’t really know where it would go or how long I would keep up with it. They told me it would take a few years to fully come “around” from the severe depression, and that I would probably battle it for my lifetime. Although it took quite some time, I accepted that’s the way it was.

I wanted to use the blog as an outlet for expressing my struggles, fears, insecurities, and anger. And the blog served that purpose.

But as you remember, toward the end of the Summer, I began showing more and more improvements, and as the school year began, I fell backwards a little bit, but came around again. Though the status of my health fluctuated, the blog did not. It was always there for me.

And as I continued to improve, and God continued to see me through the struggle, I felt as if I had no real stories to share on the blog. I became more self-sufficient and I felt as if I could no longer offer anything to my blog. Sure, I wasn’t quite healed, but my struggles pretty much remained the same. Sure, I was overcoming things, but everyone knew that. And so I let it slip- with the thought in the back of my mind, “You had better keep up every now and then.”

And I guess, now, thanks to the comment dropped by Sarah, I was reminded that there are still people out there who care about me and remain interested in my story. So the “every now and then” has arrived and I’m here to give you an update.

I want everyone to know that I am at a point in my life that I never imagined I would reach. Ever. I knew that God would see me through the depression, but I never imagined I would feel this good, or that I would come this far, or that it was even possible. It just goes to prove that with constant prayer, faithfulness to the Word, hope, and trust, you can overcome anything.

When I was first diagnosed, I was informed that it would be hard for me to keep up with school. That it would be hard to find a job. That I might need to take a year or two off from the “tough” stuff of school and whatnot. That things would probably come around in a few years again.

I can’t begin to say how much I have proved doctors, counselors, teachers, ex-friends, wrong. It is not even a year later from my struggles (I was still severely struggling in April of last year), and here I am today- 3 and a half weeks away from graduating (with honors), and with a JOB already secured beginning in July.

As I said before, I never knew things would- or could- take such a sharp turn for the better. Right now, I am so full of joy and optimism and hope- and happiness. And I don’t see anything changing any time soon.

I have a solid circle of friends who have been nicer, more caring, and more sincere than any other friend I’ve had before. I never knew there were people out there that would care so much for me and love me the way they do. As life goes on, you really do learn who the people are who are willing to stay with you and who will remain your friends for a life time. And you will also find out the people who are only there to use you. And those who are only there to treat you poorly only to build themselves up. You may encounter them- but never get discouraged- there are good people in the world who love you. You might just not realize that or see those people at that time.

I have a job, yes, a job, secured for next year. The whole process went so fast. I was being interviewed by schools, and this one school interviewed me, and a few days later they were ready to hire me. It is a huge church and school, and in the Fall, I will begin serving as the first grade teacher and assistant church music director. It is my dream job- dream area, dream town size, dream congregation size. Everything I was praying about- and it’s now about to come true.

I am graduating. I never gave up on school, pushed through, kept persevering even when the administration told me I couldn’t do it and threatened to expel me from school because of my insufficiencies. Well, here, a year later I’m graduating with honors. You thought I couldn’t do it? Well, administration, you were wrong. Insert sarcasm here- Thanks for keeping your faith in me and believing I could do it. (Yes, there still are some hard feelings here.)

I am finishing student teaching. And I just sort of had a pseudo “mid-term” evaluation today. My cooperating teacher said “You are beyond any student teacher I’ve had. You are excelling and one would never guess you haven’t been teaching for years.” Do you know what that feels like?

Oh, and my psychiatrist told me she was proud of me. PROUD of me. This wasn’t just a kind thing, this was a serious conversation. As in, “Do you know how proud I am of you?” I had a check up a few weeks ago where we finally reached a consensus that I have really far exceeded everyone’s expectations of how far I could come and what I could achieve. She was astounded that less than a year later I was doing so well. She sees/has seen so many patients, but I’m one of the ones that overcame so much in such a short amount of time. And she’s proud of me. Do you know what that feels like?

There you have it. An update on my life from the last three months. It is not thorough by any means. But it’s a start. I’m not signing off here permanently, but I don’t know when I’ll be back. In the mean time, check out Romans 8:31-32. Over the last year, it became my “cling-to” verse and will forever remain my foundation- if God gave us the very best, we can certainly trust Him with all of the rest!

I hope to catch up on other people’s blogs here soon. So you may be hearing from me.

Hang in there with the one who hung on the cross for you.