All The Wrong Places

I forgot to mention yesterday how hard it is to walk in 40 mph winds with a fractured foot...


Anyway, on to today..... Has it already been a week since we celebrated the Lord's victory?


As I was meditating on the Resurrection stories again last night, I really focused on this verse- John 20:13-
They asked her, 'Woman, why are you crying?"
"They have taken my Lord away," she answered, "and I don't know where they have put him."


What happened to the risen Lord? Where did He go? Mary Magdalene wanted to know. Mary Magadalene was just looking for the living among the dead. She was looking for Jesus in all the wrong places. 


Sometimes, that happens to me too. It reminds me of the song, "Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places"- Sometimes, we look for Jesus in all the wrong places. 


I feel sick and I look for Jesus in doctors and pills. 


I feel overwhelmed and I look for Jesus in a small nap on the couch. 


I feel hurt and betrayed and I look for Jesus in others for consolation and support. 


I feel anxious and I look for Jesus in long deep breaths. 


I feel afraid and I look for Jesus in safety precautions I take. 


But, I haven't ever found Jesus in those places.


And sometimes, like Mary Magdalene, I ask, "Where do you put a risen Lord?"


Where is Jesus? It seems like the world has taken Him away, and I don't know where they have put Him.


There was more to Mary Magdalene's story... (v. 15-16)

He asked her, “Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?” Thinking he was the gardener, she said, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.” Jesus said to her, “Mary.” She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, “Rabboni!” 


Mary turned around and found her Lord and Savior.


And I know where to find the Risen Lord. The Risen Lord is in my heart. The Risen Lord is in the Word. The Risen Lord is in His church. The Risen Lord is in chapel. The Risen Lord is only a prayer away.


When I'm sick, pills and doctors can provide physical relief, but only the Risen Lord can provide the ultimate healing. "He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds." (Psalm 147:3)


When I'm overwhelmed, a nap provides a temporary way to be still, but only God can provide His perfect peace and reassurance. "Be still and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10).


When I'm hurt and feel betrayed, others can provide encouragement and advice, but only God can give hope to a broken heart and protection from enemies. "Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies; my cup overfloweth." (Psalm 23:5)


When I feel anxious, deep breaths can calm me down, but only Jesus provides relief from anxiety and pressure. "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7)


When I feel afraid, only Jesus can provide ultimate security and relief from the tensions and pressures of fears. "Do not be afraid." (Matthew 28:10)


And I can sit and cry, and say "They've taken my Lord away and I don't know where they have put him."


And then Jesus says my name. He says, "Why are you crying?" and when I reply with my frustrations or hurts, and claim that I don't know where my Lord is, He answers me with my name, like He does to Mary.


He says, "Dylan." And there my Lord stands. There is no search for a risen Lord. He's right here. And only He has been able to provide the relief and hope that I've so longed for. 


Where is the Risen Lord? He's right here.


Today's blessings:
-Sleeping in!


-A LOT of laughter at lunch


-"Dylan, don't leave yet! You don't have anywhere to be. Stay and visit with us longer!"


-More time at the organ


-Work on my project completed!


-Even more laughter and valuable conversation at dinner!


-More finds on the garage sales by my family!


-I just read my blessing list from yesterday and I smiled again!

Blessed

Okay- I just realized that the last 24 hours passed and I didn't even have an opportunity to write for today! I am really, really exhausted, so today's post will simply be a run down of my day- which consisted of solid blessings.

Blessings:
-Safe travel to and from the psychiatrist! And a good report, although I am switching over temporarily to a more sedating anxiety medication.

-2 Book Recommendations to help me get through some things from my psychiatrist, and finding them cheap on Amazon!

-Making it back to the cafeteria in time to have breakfast- blueberry muffins!

-Lunch with a good friend

-Finishing my last book packet

-Reading some things in my church newsletter which made me excited about summer.

-I spent TWO hours at the organ! I just practiced- no real agenda, no big events coming up to practice for- I just played. And I got "lost"- it was great. I need to do that more often.

-I have a "Classroom Wish List" of things I hope to put in my classroom- I gave it to family back home, where there are several garage sales going on- Needless to say, I think 20 some books have been found for me so far, as well as other things I asked for!

-Visiting with my friend Jennifer from the cafeteria as I came in.

-Dinner and time to catch up with friends I hadn't spoken to in a while.

-"Dylan, you always have a way of making me feel good when I am feeling bad. Thanks."

-An awesome Jazz concert and hearing Nayanna Holley sing again! It gave me chills!

-"We could hear your laugh all the way across the building!"

-I was a bit downhearted and disappointed I had to miss the dance on campus tonight because of my fractured foot. I did step in just for the cupid shuffle. And I danced successfully, had fun. Although it wore me out and I probably overdid it just a bit because my foot hurts again. It was worth it!

-Sitting and chatting with two friends for a long time. Much needed! I need to do THAT more often again!

I can feel I've definitely "overdone" it a bit in all senses of the word. I think it was worth it. Because I realized how blessed I really am. Thanks, God. And thanks to those who make my life awesome- those on campus, and those across the world! :)

I guess I'll have two posts for today, because it is well into Saturday ! Back again soon! :)

He Did What He Said... He Does What He Said

While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them. In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, “Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: ‘The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’ ” Then they remembered his words.- Luke 24:4-8


He did what He said. Don't you remember what He said?


That was basically what the two angels were telling the women at the tomb that Easter morning.


They were afraid, trembling, and confused. 


But they were reminded- He has risen, JUST AS HE SAID. 


Isn't God amazing like that? He keeps His promises. 


The ultimate reminder of that is the rainbow which was put in the sky after God flooded the earth (Genesis 9 I think). He put it there to remind the people He wouldn't do that again.


And He followed through with that promise.


And He still does. God keeps His promises. The most important one was that Jesus would be raised from the dead on the third day.


But the women and disciples seemed to have forgotten about that.


Because when Jesus wasn't in the tomb, they were confused and afraid.


Sometimes, I forget about God's promises.


And there I stand, trembling, afraid, confused, hurt, and sad. And sometimes even angry at God.


But the words the Angels spoke that day resound to me too:
"He has risen, just as he said."Matthew 28:6


Just as He said.


A perfect example of me forgetting about God's faithfulness and steadfastness to His promises happened last night.


I was walking back from a group meeting in the library. I was exhausted. My foot was in excruciating pain. I had to prepare a powerpoint, produce a 6 page paper, and 2 article abstracts yet. My energy had been totally exhausted, and I stood in fear of being attacked by others. Hurt. Let down. Disappointed in myself... And it was raining and my umbrella was in my room. 


And there I stood, trembling, confused, and afraid. 


And then I looked up to the sky. And do you know what I saw? I don't have to explain it... I took a picture:

Yes. Up in the sky there streaked a rainbow. Showers of rain had come and gone, and it was still lightly raining, but there was the rainbow. 

(I know it's not totally clear in that picture, and I know it is not the best shot or angle, but it was shot from my cell phone and I was trying to do it without damaging my phone from the wet raindrops... you get the idea...) 

God was saying "He has risen. Just as He said. I keep my promises. Just as I said."

A friend of mine posted an amazing video on her blog today. And in it, the speaker referenced Isaiah 40. There, verses 21-24, 30-31 say this:

Do you not know?
   Have you not heard?
Has it not been told you from the beginning?
   Have you not understood since the earth was founded?
He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth,
   and its people are like grasshoppers.
He stretches out the heavens like a canopy,
   and spreads them out like a tent to live in.
He brings princes to naught
   and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing.
No sooner are they planted,
   no sooner are they sown,
   no sooner do they take root in the ground,
than he blows on them and they wither,
   and a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff.

Even youths grow tired and weary,
   and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
   will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
   they will run and not grow weary,
   they will walk and not be faint.


It's almost like in these passages, Isaiah is saying: "Wake up! What have you been told time and time again? God keeps His promises!"


All throughout the Bible. All throughout history. That Resurrection morning, He did what He said, and we as Christians can rest assured that He does what He said He would do. And that is remain faithful to His people. He will never let them fall- but rather, when they are down, He will pick them up. And they will soar on wings like eagles. They will not grow weary or faint. For God holds them in His hand.


Blessings:
-Last 8 AM class of the semester!


-Group presentation went well!


-I don't know whether or not this is a blessing, but I had a spelling error on the page which totally altered one of the slides and I made a big deal/joke about it and it made everyone laugh, which made me laugh.


-Lunch with a friend


-Last organ lesson of the semester! (Don't like that really, but I learned so much from it that it was such a blessing!)


-Lemons available in the cafeteria to add to the raspberry iced tea... Yum!


-Dinner and an amazing conversation with an amazing friend


-Surviving another day.


On one last note, I hate to sound selfish and keep asking for prayers for myself, but two prayer requests:
1) My foot is in a tremendous amount of pain from overusing it. Please pray for some relief and healing.


2) I have a check up with my psychiatrist tomorrow. Please pray that it goes well.


Thanks!

Approaching God

I wish I had some profound insight to offer about the resurrection or some event that happened today-

But I don't.

Don't get me wrong- today was great, BUT, it is such a blur- a rush- a worry- too many raw emotions are wearing me out and bringing me down.

I decided just about a half hour ago, I was going to sit down and listen to what God had to say. I listened to an Easter message from the Lutheran Hour... I just want to copy a paragraph that was especially meaningful- the sermon was written by Dr. Ken Klaus-

Christ is risen. May I tell you what that means? Right now many of you are worried, frightened. You don't know what tomorrow will bring....Today things may look dark and the days ahead appear dismal. But because Christ has risen, and if He is your Savior, you need not face tomorrow's unknowns alone. Are you one among the many millions who feel lost and lonely even though you are surrounded by multitudes and move through masses of bodies? Do you feel no one cares about you, that no one would miss you if you simply disappeared? If so, the risen Christ, the living Lord, offers this assurance: "I am with you always" (Matthew 28:20). Even more, Scripture assures us we can cast our cares upon Him because He cares for us. (1 Peter 5:7) 


Yes. Again, I come back to God and find comfort. He is approachable, as the message in chapel this morning put it.


The Risen Lord is approachable- He invites us to come unto Him, and better yet, to cast our anxieties on Him.


He has conquered- and He provides- As one of the communion hymns in chapel put it, 
You have conquered in the fight,
You have brought us life and light, Alleluia! 


I can push through the next five weeks- no matter what emotions or difficulties arise- because I have a God I can approach. He will not turn me away. I have a direct line to God 24 hours a day. 


Thanks, God, for being approachable. 


Blessings-
-Communion at chapel


-E-mails that make me smile


-Handwriting workshop this morning (how to teach handwriting)


-One of "those moments"- enough said. =)


-Talking to a stranger (who is no longer a stranger, I guess!)


-Another counseling session today- which was productive


-Chocolate chip pancakes for dinner!


-GREAT company at dinner!


-Approaching God and finding rest and relief. And security. 

Fearless Eastertide

I've spoken about fear before. Two specific posts, in fact- in February and again in later February.

But fear seems to be an emotion that is encompassing me again.

I said yesterday that I didn't want to come back to school. It used to be completely the opposite- I couldn't wait to get back to school. Not yesterday. I was safe at home. I was safe.

Here at school- I don't feel safe. I feel afraid. Home seemed to be a way for me to "run away" from my problems- at least for a little bit.

I was safe from the mounds of school work and deadlines that mock me every time I look at my calendar book. I was safe from the pressures that tests, projects, and the like brought onto my shoulders.

I was safe from my enemies. I guess I'm afraid of what they're going to do next- resort to screaming at me, physical violence, or something else. I don't know what they could do. I'm not saying they will do any of those things (and I certainly hope they don't), but I still can't help but be afraid. It's not comfortable for me to always have to worry about what step they could take next. Someone said "Do you really think they would do that?" - Honestly, I don't know. I never thought they would turn their backs and treat me like this- but it happened. I just wish I didn't have to live in fear about what they are going to resort to next.

I was safe from other social pressures. I could be myself and do what I wanted when I wanted.

I was safe. And I was not quite so afraid.

But now I'm back here for five. more. weeks. And I'm terrified. I'm scared. I'm afraid.

But I remember Jesus' words on that Resurrection morning 2000 years ago. The words He said to Mary and Mary Magdalene still apply to me- "Do not be afraid."

Jesus bursts forth from His tomb and reassures me that it will all be okay. "Do not be afraid" He says.

When He appeared to his disciples, they were no longer afraid. After seeing the Risen Lord, they were now fearless and confident in their faith.

The Risen Lord still comes to me (and you!) today- and says "Do not be afraid."- And we, like the disciples, can become fearless and confident in our faith.

Because Jesus lives, nothing matters. The Resurrection of Jesus makes life worth living. And a life without fear.

Another one of my favorite Easter hymns (then again, which Easter hymn is NOT a favorite of mine?) goes like this:

This joyful Eastertide,
Away with sin and sorrow!
My love the crucified 
hath sprung to life this morrow.
Had Christ who once was slain
not burst His three day prison:
Our faith had been in vain.
But now is Christ arisen, arisen, arisen
But now is Christ arisen!


We as Christians live in a joyful Eastertide- all sin and sorrow can be thrown away! Be gone sin! Be gone sorrow! Be gone fear!

I am going to replace my fear with the joy of the Eastertide.

Blessings:
-Many "welcome back" hugs!

-Time to nap!

-Mail in the mailbox!

-"We're really going to miss you this summer!" - Coming from some of the ladies who work in the cafeteria!

-Time to laugh

-Thankful to know I am loved and feel it.

I'm Not Done Crying Yet

So much for holding up. I'm such a hypocrite. So much for "I get it."

While scanning my Facebook wall for encouraging posts to share with someone who is struggling, I came across posts from those who were my friends. And pictures.

And it was like the knife I've been working so hard to take out of my heart was just jabbed back in there.

And now a rush of emotional pain has taken over.

And I'm sitting here, tears streaming down my face. And I have just tried to tell you in posts that the resurrection is bigger than my problems.

Well, I guess it is... The familiar hymn is now running through my head.
I know that my Redeemer lives
What comfort this sweet sentence gives..


He lives to silence all my fears
He lives to wipe away my tears
He lives to calm my troubled heart.
He lives all blessings to impart.


Yes, there is that. There will still be tears. But my Redeemer is here to wipe them away.

He lives for me. I get it now.

They Didn't Get It

I read through all of the accounts of the Resurrection last night before I went to bed. While I've heard them all before, something that really surprised me was that nobody really "got it" right away.


They didn't get it. When Jesus wasn't in His tomb, Mary, Mary Magdalene, and the others didn't get it. 


Though Jesus had told them He would rise again in three days, they didn't get it. 


Even when the angel appeared- they didn't get it. They were alarmed and afraid.


Even after Jesus showed Himself, it still took them a bit before they "got it"- they were trembling and afraid. Because they didn't get it.


I got this story in an e-mail forward today, and it brought tears to my eyes- it's rather lengthy, but WELL worth the few minutes it takes to read it:

Jeremy was born with a twisted body and a slow mind. At the age of 12 he was still in second grade, seemingly unable to learn. His teacher, Doris Miller, often became exasperated with him. He would squirm in his seat, drool, and make grunting noises. At other times, he spoke clearly and distinctly, as if a spot of light had penetrated the darkness of his brain. Most of the time,  however, Jeremy just irritated his teacher.

One day she called his parents and asked them to come in for consultation. As the Forresters entered the empty classroom, Doris said to them, "Jeremy really belongs in a special school. It isn't fair to him to be with younger children who don't have learning problems. Why, there is a five year gap between his age and that of the other students." Mrs. Forrester cried softly into a tissue, while her husband spoke. "Miss Miller," he said, "there is no school of that kind nearby. It would be a terrible shock for Jeremy if we had to take him out of this school. We know he really likes it here." Doris sat for a long time after they had left, staring at the snow outside the window. Its coldness seemed to seep into her soul. She wanted to sympathize with the Forresters. After all, their only child had a terminal illness. But it wasn't fair to keep him in her class. She had 18 other youngsters to teach, and Jeremy was a distraction. Furthermore, he would never learn to read and write. Why waste any more time trying?

 As she pondered the situation, guilt washed over her. Here I am complaining when my problems are nothing compared to that poor family, she thought.
Lord, please help me to be more patient with Jeremy. From that day on, she tried hard to ignore Jeremy's noises and his blank stares.

 Spring came, and the children talked excitedly about the coming of Easter. Doris told them the story of Jesus, and then to emphasize the idea of new life springing forth, she gave each of the children a large plastic egg. "Now," she said to them, "I want you to take this home and bring it back tomorrow with something inside that shows new life. Do you understand?"

 "Yes, Miss Miller," the children responded enthusiastically - all except for Jeremy. He listened intently; his eyes never left her face. He did not even make his usual noises. Had he understood what she had said about Jesus' death and resurrection? Did he understand the assignment? Perhaps she should call his parents and explain the project to them. That evening, Doris' kitchen sink stopped up. She called the landlord and waited an hour for him to come by and unclog it. After that, she still had to shop for groceries, iron a blouse, and prepare a vocabulary test for the next day. She completely forgot about phoning Jeremy's parents. The next morning, 19 children came to school, laughing and talking as they placed their eggs in the large wicker basket on Miss Miller's desk. After they completed their math lesson, it was time to open the eggs. In the first egg, there was a flower. "Oh yes, a flower is certainly a sign of new life," she said. "When plants peek through the ground, we know that spring is here." A small girl in the first row waved her arm. "That's my egg, Miss Miller," she called out. The next egg contained a plastic butterfly, which looked very real. Doris held it up. "We all know that a caterpillar changes and grows into a beautiful butterfly. Yes, that's new life, too." Little Judy smiled proudly and said, "Miss Miller, that one is mine." Next, Doris found a rock with moss on it. She explained that moss, too, showed life. Billy spoke up from the back of the classroom, "My daddy helped me," he  beamed.

 Then she opened the fourth egg. She gasped. The egg was empty. Surely it must be Jeremy's she thought, and of course, he did not understand her instructions. If only she had not forgotten to phone his parents. Because she did not want to embarrass him, she quietly set the egg aside and reached for another. Suddenly, Jeremy spoke up. "Miss Miller, aren't you going to talk about my egg?" Flustered, she replied, "But Jeremy, your egg is empty." He looked into her eyes and said softly, "Yes, but Jesus' tomb was empty, too."

 Time stopped. When she could speak again, she asked him, "Do you know why  the tomb was empty?" "Oh, yes," Jeremy said, "Jesus was killed and put in  there. Then His Father raised Him up." The recess bell rang. While the children excitedly ran out to the school yard, she cried. The cold inside her melted completely away.

Three months later, Jeremy died. 

Those who paid their respects at the mortuary were surprised to see 19 eggs on top of his casket, all of them empty.

Jeremy GOT IT! He understood! - That is what life is all about!

And the 19 eggs on the casket- they GOT IT too! Jesus is risen, and that is all that matters!

We as Christians- we get it! We know that our Savior is King eternal and has triumphed over sin, death, and devil. We get it! 

But... We still have our doubts. Sometimes, like Mary and those at the tomb that Easter morning, we don't get it. We forget that our problems always have a solution- take to the Lord in prayer and trust in our resurrected Lord. 

Sometimes we feel defeated. Worn down. Worn out. Tired. Sad. Angry. Frustrated. We don't get it.

Sometimes, like Mary and Mary Magdalene, we are alarmed and afraid, and we tremble with fear. We don't get it.

But we have a risen Savior who says, "Do not be afraid." (Matthew 28:10). The Savior that proclaimed that nearly 2000 years ago, says the same to you. "Do not be afraid." 

Because of those words, during the times when you don't get it, you can be confident that Christ has conquered. Christ has triumphed. Every pain, every hardship in your life- Christ has conquered. 

The next time I feel a relapse, the next time I am grumbling because my fractured foot hurts, the next time I feel low because of persecution, the next time I am hurt, the next time I want to sit down and cry, my prayer is that I will "get it". Like Jeremy, I hope I "get it".

Blessings-

-It was hard for me to come back to school. To face yet again the workload, the environment, those who persecute me. it took every ounce of determination I had to come back. But I did it. A victory. 

- "I understand perfectly how you feel about coming back. You should feel proud that you conquered those feelings. We can be our own worst enemies. Don't let anyone ruin your destiny, and that is to finish your degree."

-AND, I got to pick up a close friend I haven't seen in way toooo long and take her back to school! It made a crummy trip back not so crummy! 

-One last chance to sleep in and catch up on sleep!

-Hugs good-bye

-The fact that I "get it!"

Victory!

ALLELUIA! CHRIST IS RISEN!

Those three words changed my life. Not only today, but every day. Because Christ is risen, Christ has triumphed, my life is changed.

I really liked an analogy my pastor used today during his sermon. When people go fishing, they put a small, lifeless worm on the hook, and stick it in the water, in hopes to catch a fish. The fish sees the worm, and thinks, "Oh boy, a meal!" and when the fish goes up to take a bite, he gets hooked.

One Easter day 2000 years ago, Jesus lay lifeless on a hook, and just like the fish thought he was winning, the devil thought victory was his. It was not. The devil did not triumph. He was pulled from the water and he lost the battle.

And because he lost the battle- that means WE win! How awesome is that?

I mentioned the last few days how my recent illness and trials had made reflecting on the Lord's passion so much more meaningful-  I didn't realize, it ALSO makes the Resurrection celebration so much more joyful! Never have I rejoiced so much in the victory and joys of this day!

In fact, during the singing of many hymns at the congregations I played for today, I had tears streaming down my face as I played. It was beautiful- such a great celebration!

Though I love pretty much all Easter hymns, one that is not frequently sung, and I love the text, especially the very first few lines:

Christ is risen, Christ is living!
Dry your tears; be unafraid!


My tears this morning were not of sadness- but of joy. Jubilation.

But there are still many, many tears that have been shed over the last few months. And those were tears of sorrow and sadness. There were no joy in any of those teardrops.

But despite was has happened- Jesus has come to wipe away all of my tears. There is no reason to cry. There is no reason to be afraid.

There is no amount of physical pain, no amount of emotional turmoil, no level of depression, no measure of anxiety, no harsh words or actions of persecution, no failures, no shortcomings, no feelings of hopelessness, no disappointment that was not defeated on that Easter morning.

When Jesus rose from the tomb, He crushed all the reasons I have to cry, He crushed all of the reasons I have to be afraid.

His victory means my victory- and yours too. In case you didn't catch it the first time, let me reassure you, there is nothing- no amount of pain, or hardship, or sorrow, that was not conquered on that Easter morning 2000 years ago.

Another favorite of my Easter hymns starts off:


I know that my Redeemer lives! What comfort this sweet sentence gives.... 


And continues...


He lives to silence all my fears
He lives to wipe away my tears
He lives to calm my troubled heart.
He lives all blessings to impart.


That very verse of the hymn sums up what I have been writing about for months-  Though my life was, is, and will be full of fears, tears, and troubles, He lives to silence, wipe away, calm, and comfort me. And as I continue to speak of blessings, I find comfort knowing that ALL blessings are imparted by my living Redeemer.

Not only do I have eternal victory, but I have victory over my illness. I have WON! I have conquered. It doesn't matter how long I continue to have struggles- I WIN!

And be assured, that you WIN as well- over any struggle, argument, hardship, trial, illness, etc. in your life. Victory is yours! Celebrate! How can your heart not be filled with joy when a Savior died and rose just for you? 


ALLELUIA! CHRIST IS RISEN! 


This powerful message will probably be the topic of my blog posts for the next week or so. 


A week ago, I took a photo of my palm branch cross. Today, the cross is full of life and victory. Here is a picture of the lilly cross in my home church (I wish I had taken a photo of ALL the lilies throughout the sanctuary. 

Blessings:
-I was awake to greet the rising sun and the Risen SON!


-Successfully playing and sharing the message of the Risen Son at two congregations.


-Singing and playing many Easter hymns.


-Receiving the sacrament of Holy Communion twice.


-Easter breakfast and fellowship!


-Singing and proclaiming the message with the choir at my church


-Lunch at one Grandma's house; dinner at another.


-A time for a brief nap to catch up on missed sleep!


-He is risen! He is risen indeed! Alleluia!




If you are reading this and don't know what Jesus has done for you, please e-mail me, message me, comment on here- I'd love to share the joy of the story with you! Even if you happen to come across this post months past Easter- please contact me! 

Fill My Cup

"Fill my cup and let it overflow uh-uh-huh-
Fill my cup and let it overflow oh-yeah,
Fill my cup and let it overflow, let it overflow with love."

Perhaps it's a bit premature to be singing such an upbeat song on the eve of Holy Saturday when Christ was in the tomb, but, I have been singing that song all day. Yes, it's one I sang all the way back as a young child in preschool, but it's been on repeat in my head all day.

It might seem a bit bizarre, but let me continue. I didn't really reflect on last night's Good Friday message.
It was about cups.

Yes, cups.

The texts for the sermon were:
"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me. Yet not my will, but Your will be done."- Luke 22:42
"I will lift the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord."- Psalm 116:13

Sometimes we have cups in our lives to bear. As I referenced yesterday, Jesus had a mighty cup.

Jesus prayed earnestly that the cup he was given be taken from him. He was in so much distress during that prayer that his drops of sweat became blood. (Luke 22:42).

That's pretty intense. Just like His cup.

For a while, I was under the impression that the cup I had was hard. Difficult. Impossible. Painful. Sorrowful. Awful. etc.

And as I said last night, I prayed like Jesus that God would take the cup from me.

I get a sick feeling in my stomach just thinking about some of those long nights. As I've tried before and failed, there is no way to describe that feeling.

But although our cups may be bitter for a bit, God always fills them.

Last night, Pastor referenced this verse from the hymn What God Ordains is Always Good:
What God ordains is always good.
Though I the cup am drinking
Which savors now of bitterness,
I take it without shrinking.
For after grief God grants relief,
My heart with comfort filling
And all my sorrow stilling.


When the cup is passed onto you, how will you react? When the next cup is passed on to me how will I react? Will I respond by shrinking and pleading with God to take it away?

Or will I thank God for giving me the cup of salvation?

"Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over."- Psalm 23:5

Yes, the Lord fills my cup with what I need. My cup is overflowing with goodness and mercy.

And my prayer is that the Lord would fill my cup and let it overflow with love. Let me pour out the love to others which Christ has showed to me. May I have enough to share. My cup truly runneth over.

Blessings:
-Judged a piano studio today for their solo competition

-Practiced music for Easter services tomorrow for 3 hours- can't wait to share the joy of the resurrection tomorrow with others via music!

-Went on a car ride with my sister and we chatted it up.

-At the grocery store, I ran into my first grade teacher! She is very old now, and it has been at least 15 years since I last saw her- at first she thought I was my father, but then she realized it was me, and she was overjoyed when she found out I wanted to be a teacher! She kept giving me hugs! It was great!

-Anticipation to share in the joy of Christ's resurrection tomorrow- it will be an early morning! Leaving here before 5:00 AM to get to the first church I play at!

When some of my friends around the world read this, it may already be Easter. May God bless you tomorrow as you worship the risen Son.

Thank You Jesus

I knew it would be hard.

The pastors I worked with all told me it would be.

Because of this experience, reflecting on Jesus’ death has been hard. But so much more meaningful.

At tonight’s Good Friday Tenebrae service, I was in tears again. Because I related to Jesus on so many levels. And I was not really crying because of painful memories, but because I remembered how awful I felt- it being one of the worst experiences and feelings of my life. And Jesus felt that way too (probably much worse)- and He didn’t have to- but He did. And He felt that way for me. And for you.

Allow me to reflect a bit and make the comparisons (some of them I’ve mentioned before- but, tonight I want to include them all).

Disclaimer: I do not write this to somehow insinuate that I suffered as much as Jesus or went through what He did. Rather, my intent is to examine how I was able to relate on varying levels of some of the emotions Jesus felt as He suffered- and that’s what makes my appreciation for what He went through so much greater.

I can relate to Jesus as He became frustrated with His disciples. At Gethsemane, Jesus became frustrated with His disciples because they couldn’t keep watch for Him while He prayed (Matthew 25:36-46). The disciples were only human, and couldn’t physically stay awake. But Jesus became frustrated. Some of my friends reached their physical and emotional limitations in dealing with me. And I became frustrated. They are only human, and could only handle so much, but I still became frustrated and didn’t always understand (which I to this day am very sorry for).

I can relate to Jesus betrayal by Peter. (Mark 14:29-31)- Peter insisted again and again that he would never betray Jesus. And yet, when he was questioned, he said “I don’t know the man.”  Again and again, I was promised by friends (yes, plural, I am not singling anyone out despite what some readers may think) that “Oh no, I’ll never leave you. I will always be your friend. I will always be here for you.”  And after time, my “friends” fell short of their promises and I was left to feel betrayed.  It’s interesting, the other night at Praise there were different personas delivering dialogues to portray those with Jesus at His last days. As Peter ran off, he was cursing to himself, (and these words still ring in my ears)- “You don’t do that to a friend! You don’t betray a friend! You don’t turn your back on a friend!” –  I too, related on Peter’s side, because I myself wasn’t the most loving and sincere person- I in my own way betrayed my friends.

I can relate to Jesus’ prayer at Gethsemane- “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” (Matthew 25:39)  I prayed a similar prayer so many nights when I suffered from the darkest days of the depression. That was a frequent prayer of mine “Father take this cup from me! PLEASE!”  I became so frustrated when it didn’t happen the way I wanted it- but now I understand- and my prayer became “Thy will be done.”  My prayer is still, “Thy will be done.”

In various accounts, we hear of the physical torture and pain that Jesus experienced- yes, my foot is in a tremendous amount of pain right now- I can’t even imagine the physical pain coupled with the emotional pain and turmoil Jesus was experiencing. I have to say, I cannot even relate on that level because Jesus’ suffering was so much more severe than what I have suffered (or probably ever will suffer).

Matthew 27:45-46: From noon until three in the afternoon darkness came over all the land. About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”).-  On the darkest days of depression (and I’ve read other accounts of sufferers who have felt this way)- the pain and turmoil inside is so rough and tough that it did feel like God had forsaken me. I realize now He never had, but I cried that out on several nights at 3 AM when I lied awake in such distress and anguish. I wanted to die I was so miserable.

But now looking back, God did not forsake me. He brought me down so He could build me up and work good through my trials and turmoil.

Needless to say, tonight was so meaningful.

So if this experience happened so I might better appreciate what Jesus went through and did for me and because of what I have done wrong- then it makes it all worth it.

And I am trying to relate to Jesus on the next levels as well- even as Judas betrayed Him, He greeted him as “friend.”  Even as He hung on the cross, He prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”  And as a friend pointed out to me yesterday, even as He rose again, special mention was made to go and tell “the disciples and Peter.”

Father, please help me forgive others, just as You have forgiven us. Fill me with your compassion and mercy. Help me to love even my enemies. Help me to see them as friends.

Thank you, Jesus. For all you did for me. While I can’t really imagine what you have been through, I know how hard everything I went through was. And I can’t imagine it feeling any worse. All that you did for me. Out of love.

Blessings

-More hugs from my community!

-Receiving the Sacrament of Holy Communion again tonight

-Singing with my choir again tonight

-Letting my guard down and RESTING!

-14 Free Books!

Nails did not hold Jesus on the cross- His love for YOU did. 

He Gave Thanks... I Can Too

I know I've referenced the book before (And I'm still reading it- slowly and deliberately because it is so good I don't want to end, but I want to speak a bit on Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are.


Today was Maundy Thursday (for my friends around the world reading this, it may now be Good Friday).

Voskamp centers a lot of her thought around the word eucharisto. This word comes from Luke 22:19- And He took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them... In the original Greek, the words "He gave thanks" reads "eucharisto- which includes the word "chara", which translates to "joy."

While I don't want to write a whole lot more from Voskamp's book in fear of infringing on copyright, that was so much more meaningful tonight in Maundy Thursday worship.

Worship was highly focused on the Sacrament of the Lord's Supper. The message itself was about living each day as if it were your last- forgiving others, and seeking God's forgiveness.

But as the Gospel reading was read, I heard the words, "He gave thanks..."

And again at the Words of Institution, when I heard the words "He gave thanks..."

I was in awe (yes, awe, in light of yesterday's post). At the time of the Last Supper, Jesus had already experienced some of the events which lead up to His death, and He knew very well what would be coming in the next 24 hours.

And yet, He took His disciples, sat down, and "He gave thanks..."

Despite the circumstances, He gave thanks. He experienced every form of pain imaginable- physical and emotional, and He knew He was going to die shortly. And all for me and you, and not because of anything He had done.

And yet... "He gave thanks..."

Eucharisto.

Joy.

And I eagerly approached His table and received what He had to offer. And with the forgiveness I received, I also was filled with joy. Joy of what was done so I could receive this.

But, my joy soon turned into sorrow. At the end of our Maundy Thursday service, we strip the altar and Psalm 22 is chanted. And it is chanted to a very sorrowful, somber chant tone.

While my view of the altar was a bit obstructed since I remained on the organ bench, I still couldn't hold back the tears as I followed along with Psalm 22.

Too much of that Psalm of David opened up so many wounds for me- too many raw emotions related to the depression that I'm still fighting back.

And as I sat there and cried, I remembered that Jesus experienced every one of those emotions (probably to a greater degree)- and it was for me (and you).

And in the spite of all of that "He gave thanks..."

And if He gave thanks in the midst of those circumstances, I certainly can too.

Thank you, Jesus, for experiencing all of that... for me. So that I might be forgiven.

And Thank you, Jesus for blessing me abundantly and providing all that I need.

Tomorrow's service will be hard too. But it is so much more meaningful that way.

Blessings:
-Turning IN the project!

-Despite my injury, I successfully played this morning's chapel service!

-"Dylan, you are still playing the organ?! Even with your injury?! You are amazing!"

-"I only hope that if I experienced as much hardship in my life as you have in yours, I could have such a positive spirit and attitude that you have. You are inspiring."

-Safe travels back home!

-Hugs from people from my congregation!

-Fellowship with people from my congregation!

-Being roped into singing with the choir tonight at church

-Playing another successful service this evening

-Receiving Jesus' body and blood and forgiveness.

Yes. Eucharisto. I can give thanks too.

AUGH or Awe?

Exodus 15:22-27: Then Moses led Israel from the Red Sea and they went into the Desert of Shur. For three days they traveled in the desert without finding water. When they came to Marah, they could not drink its water because it was bitter. (That is why the place is called Marah.) So the people grumbled against Moses, saying, “What are we to drink?” Then Moses cried out to the LORD, and the LORD showed him a piece of wood. He threw it into the water, and the water became fit to drink. There the LORD issued a ruling and instruction for them and put them to the test. He said, “If you listen carefully to the LORD your God and do what is right in his eyes, if you pay attention to his commands and keep all his decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the LORD, who heals you.” Then they came to Elim, where there were twelve springs and seventy palm trees, and they camped there near the water.




That was the text for this morning's chapel message. The Pastor had a great message. Sometimes when things don't go our way, or we find something bad or a flaw, we tend to go "AUGH!"  and grumble.


Just like the Israelites- they couldn't find water, so they grumbled and probably made their own "AUGH!" noises.


The same is true in our lives- if the weather isn't just perfect, if results from a test didn't come back the way we had hoped, if we get injured, if we get abandoned, if we get upset about anything, we tend to go "AUGH!" (or make a similar grumbling noise).


I found that happened to me- I made quite a bit of noise and "AUGH!"s when I fractured my foot. I grumbled (yes, just look back at my post 2 days ago for evidence).


But- the pastor pointed out- the Israelites had forgotten what God had just done for them- He just led them across the red sea! He saved their lives and blessed them! And days later, they grumble and say "AUGH!" 


And here I am- recovering from one illness, God was faithful and saw me through some other health problems, and when I endured this, I said "AUGH!"


But when Moses approached the Lord- He provided that piece of wood which made the water clean to drink.


And God provides for us. He throws that piece of wood at us, and gives us exactly what we need. He is faithful. He blesses us. 


And instead of saying "AUGH!", we should be filled with awe at the marvelous ways God is at work in our lives.


Because, ultimately, a piece of wood saved our lives too- the cross. And that's all we need.


Because our purpose in life is not to be happy, and we are not called to be grumblers mumbling "AUGH!" when things don't go the way our selfish desires want them to.


Rather, we are called to be God's servants- not perfect, but faithful. As He is faithful. And when we are able to sit back and look at the blessings we have each day, there is no reason not to be filled with awe. And like you say when you see something cute or nice, "Awww..." We can look at our blessings and replace those nasty "AUGHS!" with "Aww..." Thanks, God.




Blessings:
- I love reading e-mails with encouraging comments left on my blog! Thank you! X


-FINISHED MY PROJECT! 20 pages typed! Whew!


-My mentor professor asked to steal one of MY ideas for her future instruction! I was HONORED!


-Even though I'm in a lot of pain and discomfort, I still played the organ for my lesson today- and it went great!


-I received the Sacrament of Communion today in chapel


-Many conversations and e-mails which left me smiling.


-Feeling encouraged.