Acceptance

Hi. My name is Dylan and I have a mental illness.

There. I said it.

Today in therapy we talked a lot about acceptance. And we came to realize that I haven't really accepted the circumstances to be what they really are.

But, I accept it. I have a mental illness. And I did not cause it. And I am doing my best to heal and recover from it.  It's my cross to bear, and though it's a heavy one, I'll bear it.

Accepting it doesn't make me any less of a person or human being. I am still Dylan, with an illness.

I find comfort tonight in Psalm 139. The whole thing is good, but I especially focused on verses 11-14. There it reads this:

If I say "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light will become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful. I know that full well."


I've said it before- my damage, my elephant, doesn't define me. In fact, it's with me, but I'm going to put a blanket over it and hope that nobody notices it.

I'm certainly not going to let it get in my way.

Because God made me just the way He wanted. Every neuron in my brain was designed and fashioned in His image. And who am I to get upset with the Creator of the Universe for not giving me "normal" neurotransmitters? He obviously had a plan in mind when He made this grand design.

And I am not sure, but, that Psalmist could be writing about depression. Because darkness hid the real Dylan for a while. (Don't worry, he's back now.) God saw the real Dylan, the one he fearfully and wonderfully made behind that darkness.

God did something wonderful when He made me just the way I am.

And because I was fearfully and wonderfully made, I was loved so much that He sent His only Son to die for even "not normal" people like me.

And that is reason enough for me to rejoice. And smile. And walk out of the darkness into the marvelous light.

Hello, world. My name is Dylan and I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

I like that much better. I think I can accept that.