Christ In My Neighbor

I know months ago, I wrote about the realization of how much people care.

And as I've been home, and out and about working and doing errands, I can feel the love and care flowing from people.

I had to do a lot of errands today- hanging VBS flyers around town, mailing letters and packages, making a deposit in the bank, working a bit in the church, picking up the service order for Sunday from another church, and working tonight, I've come across a LOT of people.

And I never realized how much people were really worried about me until today.

Not a single person I encountered who I haven't seen in a while said "Are you feeling better? Doing better? How are you?'

I was so overwhelmed, I was in tears by the afternoon. It meant so much to me.

You know, unless you have 3-4 "bullies" in your life running you down, making you feel bad about yourself, you don't know how much that wears on you. It's hard to know someone out there is trying to make your life miserable, having encounters of ignorance and glares from them.

But then you come into a place like this where everyone is genuine, sincere, kind.

I picture the two in my mind- these people are warm, caring, colorful, sincere- the bullies just seem unkempt, unhealthy, nasty-looking. It makes my stomach sick thinking about it.

But it is so good to be back in this environment, and to be reminded (though I still am reminded while at school) that so many people love me and care about me.

And if you're reading this post, and you care that much to be in my life, thank you, readers. I am glad to have you in my life, those of you I know, and those of you I don't.

I can truly see Christ in those who are so sincere, kind, compassionate toward me.

So many blessings from so many people today.

What Are You Looking Forward To?

When I am blessed to have a one on one conversation/dinner with an individual, no matter the direction the conversation takes, I always like to ask the person what they’re looking forward to.

Instead of this being a “summer goals” post, I’m going to tell you things I’m looking forward to doing this summer.

-Running. Since my days will begin at 6:00 AM next semester as I enter the realm of full-time work, I figure I’d better start practicing getting used to that hour now. So, 4 of the 7 days of the week, I’m going to get up early and run. I’m awake then, ready to start my day, and I will feel good about myself.

-Exercise more in general- walks at night, other simple exercises

-Reading. Reading. Reading. No joke, I probably have somewhere around 50 -70 books I am hoping to read this summer. All of different varieties. My favorite time to read is in the evening when it’s cool and I can sit outside on our porch, taking in the atmosphere, sounds, and smells of the environment around me.

-Earning Money. I have two jobs- waiter at a country club and part-time clerk at a gas station.

-Playing a lot of organ. I am booked for most Sundays (soon to be all), playing for an ordination/installation service, Mission Central service, and giving a recital at the end of June. Music is one of my “escapes”

-Writing my book. I’m writing a personal success book. I don’t know if I’ll finish it over the summer, but I’ll be writing a lot.

-Developing portfolios and teaching aids – In order to be ready for student teaching, I’ve got to work on my professional portfolio, and develop lots of teaching aids so I can jump into the classroom and be ready!

-Eating healthy – My doctor says I need lots of fruits and vegetables- they’re good for mental health, so bring them on!

-Spending more time in the Word- The reading mentioned above also includes reading and digging deeper into devotionals and God’s Word!

-Spending more time in prayer-  See my post from two days ago. I really need to work on this.

-Continuing to get better- Summer is a great “break” time for growth and improvement!

-Developing professional skills- I am attending two early childhood conferences over the summer.

-Continuing to be the bigger, better, stronger, more Christ-like individual in the situation where I am being persecuted against and ignored by the handful of people who allegedly hate me.

-Writing letters- I have a LOT of pen pals over the summer! Like 20, no joke. I am going to be writing a LOT of people a LOT of letters! I love snail mail!

-Directing Children’s Vacation Bible School – I am going to be directing the children’s summer “VBS” camp at my church- preparations have already begun as I’ve spent the morning painting.

What about you? What are you looking forward to? Do we share any "goals"? 

I Love You, But...

Today's Gospel reading was from the 2nd half of John- v. 15-21. LOVE was the word that was repeated over and over again. 


(No, I haven't forgotten about Psalm 23- we'll go back to that on Tuesday- tomorrow, my summer goals). 


I believe that there are two different kinds of love. The first love- the love God showed to us; and the second love- the love we are moved to show because of the love God showed to us. While God's love is perfect, our love is imperfect because of our sinful nature. 


This passage starts off with "If you love me, you will obey my commands."


It's easy to say we love God when it's convenient, isn't it?


I love you, God, but, I'm angry at you because of my illness.
I love you, God, but I don't have time to spend with you today. Maybe tomorrow.
I love you, God, but I don't trust that you know what you are doing.
I love you, God, but I don't have time to volunteer for you.
I love you, God, and I know you want me to love my neighbor, but I get too much satisfaction from seeing him suffer.


Though our love isn't perfect by any means, God's is. And He shows that love to us even though our love is imperfect.


The passage from John wraps up this way:

He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him.

We see God's love around us every day-

The beautiful sunshine he blesses us with.

The gifts we are able to give to others.

Seeing someone help another in need.

Spending time with God in prayer.

Worshipping God.

Seeing His love in tough times.

I love You, God, and help me see Your love everywhere.

Blessings:

-Played in church again today- and I got to play this hymn!

-"Your music makes my hair stand straight up- gives me the chills!"

-Raspberry jam on Whole grain toast. 

-Made another one of my amazing smoothies

-My organizing of my room is almost done!

-Dad grilled for dinner.

-Time to read

-Catching up on Skype

Not Just A Last Resort

I'm mad at myself.

Honestly, before this all happened, my prayer life was no where near spectacular- in fact, it was non existent. I had the mentality of "I've got this God, but thanks."

And then my life was totally shaken up- and I learned my life completely depended on God.

And the last few days, I've been so wiped out and overwhelmed, I went to bed without praying. It's not that my prayer life is non-existent, I still prayed while driving, in the shower, before meals, but it seemed to happen that my most focused, intentional prayer time was before bed.


I know Summer break has started- but that does not mean a break from prayer. Because, I'm going to be honest, these last few days have been chaotic and overwhelming as I am trying to get my life in order again, but that is no excuse for not praying.


So, God, I'm really sorry. I know my focus needs to be always on you- not just when things seem bad. 


Life is fragile. Handle with prayer.


Blessings:
-Lie ins for the last two days


-Seeing family


-Painting shelves


-Building a bookshelf


-Piecing my room back together

-Making a new recipe for a raspberry strawberry fruit smoothie

-Healthy grocery shopping

-Steak dinner with grandparents

-Played in a church with a great worship service. Another organist was in the congregation. This is what she posted to Facebook shortly after:
Wonderful church service tonight! I felt like I was in a Cathedral. You rocked it Dylan!...  He does a DYNAMITE job on the organ. I think he needs to give me some pointers! 


(I hope that doesn't come across as bragging- but it was a blessing to see that! To God be the glory!)


Time for sleep. 

What Now?

This is going to be short because of a long day and circumstances which prevent me from writing much.

Today, for the first time, I went through Mapleton, where the tornado struck nearly two months ago.

This is what I saw, just a few scenes captured from my cell phone camera:

A home across the street from the church. 

St. Matthew Lutheran Church, where I have played organ. The roof was damaged (as you can kind of see in the picture), but unlike the other structures nearby, it is still standing, THANKS BE TO GOD!

I imagined this was once a child's backyard to play in and it made me sad. 

I was in disbelief, and I was so upset and sickened by the tragedy I saw, especially those still gathering in the rain to work, that I almost became sick to my stomach.

And then I thought a while about the situation. I bet that the community has gone beyond the question of "Why?" and moved on to "What now?"

What now? A natural disaster out of their control struck. What now? They rebuild. We see so many examples of ministry and demonstration of Christian love repairing and giving back what the wind took away that horrible April night.

What now? What if every time we had a difficult time in our life, we asked, "What now?" instead of "Why?"

What now? Severe illness struck me. What now? I rebuild. I move on. I display the Christian love that was displayed to me when I was ill. I give back to what others gave me.

What if instead of asking other people, "How are you?" , we asked, "How can I help you?"

What if those who are cruel to us and try so hard to avoid us, ignore us, and persecute us used that energy to help others?

What now? I'm going to live and demonstrate the love Christ first showed me. I hope to go over sometime to help, not just a nosey passerby simply shooting photos (which, I felt guilty taking all of these pictures when I wasn't helping out!)

Blessings are abounding. I will list them tomorrow. I have a lot to do in the meantime.

All My Heart

This is my 200th blog post.

Today, I went back and scanned my first few posts.

I have grown so much since December, when I started this. My journey with this illness has been long, but as of today, my academic year is finally done and I have finished coursework for the semester and summer.

200 posts. 200 days. 200 long days.

I want the theme of this post to be Proverbs 3:5- "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."

Had I not trusted in God to see me through this, and relied on myself and my own strength and understanding, I wouldn't be here writing this.

But I've trusted in God with all my heart. And look how far it's taken me.

There are no more words. I'm amazed at strength and endurance God has given me.

I want to be like this woman. This video was made by a church nearby my university. Please take time to watch all 8 minutes- it may make you cry, as it does me each time I watch it. May my faith continue to grow and develop to be as strong as her as I continue to battle and overcome the hurdles and obstacles my illness will bring.

Blessings? I've survived 200+ days. All I can do is say: PRAISE GOD. GOD IS GOOD.

When Life Hurts

Here's another letter I've written to myself...

Hi-

I know you're hurting. I know that through the last six months, life has hurt the most it ever has.

Remember when you said good-bye to your great grandfather, and then melted down at his funeral? Life hurt then too, didn't it? And it didn't go away. The pain of loss hung around for sometime.

And remember when your junior prom date/girl-you-liked said she'd go to the prom with you, and then dumped you six weeks later? Life hurt then too, didn't it? And it didn't go away immediately. The pain lingered on a while.

Remember when you held your grandmother's hand as she battled through breast cancer, and you saw how much she was hurting, which hurt you? That was a long couple of years. But do you remember what happened? You and your whole family made it through. The pain lasted a while, but it eventually went away.

And remember when your best friend stopped talking to you in middle school because interests changed? Life hurt then too, didn't it? While you remained friends, you were never as close as you once were. It hurt, and the pain hung around for a while.

Some of the times life has hurt the most are long passed.

But your recent struggles aren't. I know it's all really fresh. You went through a lot! Not everyone- in fact, most people, would never have been as strong as you are.

But you're really special- you didn't give up. You easily could have. You easily could have let your dreams shatter, your hopes lie tattered, your success explode. You could have lied down and given up. Because life hurt the most and you weren't sure it was ever going to go away.

And I know some of that pain is still burning in you- because it was serious stuff.

I don't mean to list these here to bring up painful memories- but to show you just how far you've come.
You were diagnosed with severe clinical depression, anxiety disorder, and obsessive compulsive disorder. You suffered panic attacks. You suffered anxiety attacks. You were harming yourself for a period of time. You had mania and heard voices and saw images that weren't there. Your closest friend decidedly walked out of your life and began persecuting you and glaring at you, ignoring you and being just plain mean. And in the midst of all of it, your parents were robbed, your computer totally crashed, you lost your summer job, you were not allowed to work, and you were still expected to keep up with all of your school work and maintain a high grade point average.

And I know how much that hurt.

But you know what? In less than 24 hours, when this summer course finally draws to a close, you can give yourself one big pat on the back.

You're amazing! I can't believe you survived ALL of that, AND maintained a near 4.0 GPA.

That is pretty darn impressive. Try to look at that, okay?

Don't think so much on the negative of everything that's happened. You already experienced so much, you only deserve great blessings and smiles right now. Dwell on that.

Smile! You did it! You're one step closer to hitching your wagon to the star you've been chasing after for so long. Your dreams will almost be reality. You've not let anything get in your way, and I know you never will.

You are strong. You have God on Your side. You can do anything.

Also, never forget ALL of the people who love you SO MUCH. Your family. So many, MANY professors and staff members who have not ever given up on you and have been on your side cheering you on through the whole thing. They all love you so much. You are blessed. Your friends who have not given up on you- some were weak and were afraid, insecure. They hurt you, I know, but forget them. THEY don't deserve YOU. Dwell on ALL of the friends who still love you and want to be with you- who love you for who you are. There are a lot of them. Your medical mental health professionals- they do believe in you too. Most importantly, GOD has been up there cheering you on this whole time!

I know life hurts. But as you have overcome hurts before, I know you will overcome this.

You are amazing. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Be proud. Others are. God is.

God loves you, and I love you too!

-Me

Blessings:
-I got this in an e-mail today:  You should be proud of yourself this year!! Most people would have freaked out and gone home if faced with the challenges that you faced. Not only you finished the year, but prevailed and bounced back victorious! A lesson and an inspiration for all that know you!!  love!


-LAST FULL CLASS SESSION!

-Home tomorrow for the summer!

-Again, only missed two on my quiz! (I am really in a good pattern here!)

-Delivered a flower to my mentor and it made her day!

-Printing off resources

-An amazing dinner at the cafe' with a very, very good friend!

-Chocolate raspberry torte for dessert!

-Packing up!

-Time to read!

You Can Only Be Strong

Okay- time for a brief hiatus from Psalm 23 reflections. I know I was almost done, but I've got some other things to say... We'll jump back into the last few verses in a few days.

(Which, BTW, I like reader's opinions- do you like the Psalm reflections? Is that something I should do again with other Psalms?)

I saw this on someone's Facebook the other day and I wanted to reflect on it...

"You don't know how strong you are until strong is the only thing you can be."

I've also heard the phrase (and I don't know how valid it is- so if it's wrong, it could easy be)

"People who survive depression and mental illness are some of the strongest people you'll ever meet."

I've never considered myself particularly strong. Yeah, I work out occasionally, but I'm not a bodybuilder or anything.

But this isn't about physical strength- this is about endurance.

I never knew how strong I would have to be, or would end up being.

I still don't consider myself to be "one of the strongest people I know," but I feel I have to give myself some credit, I stayed strong through a lot.

It wasn't easy either, and I almost gave up in so many different circumstances. It was like this giant voice was in my head telling me

"You can't do this. You're not strong enough. You're too weak. Give up. It's hopeless."

Was it hard to be strong? Yeah. Was it the only thing I could be?

I think so...
I couldn't be brave because I was terrified.
I couldn't be confident because I had failed at so much.
I couldn't be hopeful because I was amid so much despair.
I couldn't be relaxed because I was constantly worked up.
I couldn't be at peace because of so many circumstances gone wrong.
I couldn't be happy because depression attacked and took away my ability to smile.

I could only be strong. While I hated hearing "Dylan, you need to be strong," I knew that was what I needed to be.

And I kept in mind "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Phillippians 4:13)

I didn't survive because of any of my own strength- because I had none.

But I found strength in my Savior. And I never knew, with Him, I could be so strong.

And if I overcame the hell that was thrown at me in the last year- I am strong enough to overcome anything.

Here's a clip from Soul Surfer I was reminded of...

Blessings:
-Last night's dinner was amazing!!!

-"Interesting" class period today- let's just leave it at that!

-I've been here four years and today was my first trip to the bakery with one of my friends in the class!

-Coffee and a maple-glazed cinnamon roll- it was amazing!

-Nap time again!

-Dinner at my friend Carol's house- chicken! My favorite!

-An amazing cherry chocolate cheesecake oreo dessert!

-A "How are you doing" e-mail from a friend

-Practice for my recital

-Two commitments to organ playing this weekend

-No homework tonight! :)

Reflections on Psalm 23 Part 10: The Table is Ready

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies.

Okay... I'm going to be really careful in what I write so I don't step on anyone's toes.

Everyone who has been a regular reader of this knows that I have enemies- well, I do not hate them, so they are not my enemies really, but I guess I am theirs. (And for reasons which I am still totally unaware).

You know, in December or January, if I had been writing on Psalm 23, I don't know if I would have had anything to write about during that time. I didn't really have people who bullied me, glared at me, or persecuted me otherwise. And then people turned on me- and for what seems to be the first time in my life, I have people who seem to genuinely hate my guts for no apparent reason.

It's not fun- or comfortable- to be in the presence of enemies. And God knows that.

But, He prepares a table in spite of the circumstances. In some translations, the word for table is "feast."

A FEAST is prepared. Here we find further consideration of verse 1- "I shall not want."- Why? Because a feast is prepared! He provides for our wants in providing this feast! Isn't that amazing?

And this feast is prepared even though I am in the presence of my enemies- both worldly enemies, and the ultimate enemy, Satan. In partaking of this miraculous feast in the presence of enemies, God provides. And God provides in the presence of the enemies so they can see it- and see how God provides in spite of their malice and bitterness and scorn.

God reminds us of this because even though circumstances may seem bad, He still provides for us. Even in those circumstances- actually, it is during those circumstances when He provides the most. I think that's pretty amazing.

I finished reading Tuesdays with Morrie today... It made me cry.

Anyway, Morrie had some things to say when it comes to enemies and forgiveness..
Morrie says,
"People are only mean when they're threatened.... and when you get threatened, you start looking only out for yourself."

"There is no point in keeping vengeance or stubbornness. These things I so regret in my life. Pride. Vanity. Why do we do the things we do?"

Morrie then tells about a relationship he dropped with a friend who wronged him. He goes on...
"Over the years, I met Norman a few times and he always tried to reconcile, but I didn't accept it. I wasn't satisfied with his explanation. I was prideful. I shrugged him off. A few years ago, he died of cancer. I feel so bad. I never got to see him. I never got to forgive. It pains me so much....Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Don't wait."

Morrie's last words when interviewed with Ted Koppel can be seen here. (You can watch the whole clip, but my reference begins around 5:00 minutes).

"Be compassionate, and take responsibility for each other. If we only learned those lessons, the world would be a better place."

Isn't that true? What if everyone would drop their grudges and petty grievances and forgive one another? What would the world look like? It would be a better place. Not perfect, but lives would be so much better.

You know, I was thinking about my own personal enemies. As I recently heard someone say, "It takes a lot of energy to be cruel and ignorant to a person." What if the enemies used their energy on something productive rather than focusing so much on making my life miserable?

It takes energy and effort to hold on to a grudge. I could be holding a grudge against the said people, but I don't. I let it go. I tried to reconcile. And knowing that I have done that, my life feels great.

Give it up= don't hang on to grudges and material things. They are petty in the grand scheme of things.

Enemies? I've got them, yeah, but I've also got a table set before me and that means my enemies don't matter. In the end, victory is mine, and "vengeance is mine," so saith the Lord.

The table is set. The feast is here. The enemies? Don't let them bother you. Keep praying for them, and if they glare at you, smile back. Because the table is set for you.

Blessings:
-I only missed TWO on my EXAM from last Thursday!!!!!!!

-We had a quiz today and we also got it back today after break- and again, I only missed TWO!!!!!

-Nap time!

-Time to read

-Reading and gleaning good information from scholarly articles on SSR (Yeah, again, I'm such a nerd)

-Time to practice

-Dinner at a professor's house with good food and great company

-Buying flowers for those who I appreciate

-Sitting down and enjoying the table that is set before me.

Reflections on Psalm 23 Part 9: Truth For Troubled Hearts

Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.

I think it's interesting to couple those words with the Gospel reading from today's service...

"Do not let your hearts be troubled..." (John 14:1)

(I'm not going to post all of John 14- but I strongly encourage you to read it if you have time! It's amazing!)

Today's Gospel sort of took a step back- we just recently celebrated Easter, and now we're going back to Maundy Thursday. (That's when the Gospel lesson takes place).

What does it mean to have a troubled heart? We all have troubles, and sometimes it's not easy to think or talk about them. We can pretend they don't exist, but we all have them.

Disappointments- in our selves and in others.
Circumstances- things that are out of our control.
Health problems- issues and unknowns.
Persecutions- from those who seek to harm us.
Difficulties- in any walk of life.
Spiritual Troubles- God's Truth and struggle of sin in our lives.

Or phrases we hear the world shouting at us-
"Nobody cares about you."
"You'll never amount to anything."
"You were never my friend."
"I will never forgive or reconcile with you."
"You are worthless."

No matter what problem troubles your heart, no matter what kinds of words the world throws at you, hear these words...
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. In my Father's house are many mansions. I go there and prepare a place for you."
"Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me."

But those mansions seem so far away, don't they? It's nice to hear that, but what about our troubles right now? God, what are you going to do about my troubled heart?

Jesus takes His staff and His rod and He shows us He is the "way and the Truth and the life."

He takes His rod and staff and points the way to MY mansion. And to YOUR mansion. Where He has prepared a place for you.

Isn't that amazing? There is a room waiting for you up in heaven! Your name is written in the Book of Life, and God is waiting for you!

Troubled hearts? I think that's comfort enough to still my troubled heart.

What happens when you take the rod and the staff, and lay one on top of the other, vertically and horizontally?

You get a cross. The cross changed our lives. Troubled hearts? Look to the cross.

Another favorite Easter hymn comes to mind..
I know that my Redeemer lives...
What comfort this sweet sentence gives.
He lives, He lives who once was dead.
He lives my ever-living head!


He lives to silence all my fears;
He lives to wipe away my tears;
He lives to calm my troubled heart;
He lives all blessings to impart.


The promise of today's Gospel lesson still echoes: "I am the Way and the TRUTH and the Life."

Blessings:
-Played in a new church today on a nice organ!

-Many compliments after the service!

-Crab rangoon for lunch

-Safe travels back to school

-Solution for a problem

-Got some unpacking and organizing done

-Time to read

Reflections on Psalm 23 Part 8: Ever With Me

I will fear no evil, for thou art with me.

I am not really sure what to say, because I have written before both about God's everlasting presence and not being afraid (several times on the latter). 

But what if by "thou art with me," it meant beyond just God's presence.

I think that it means we need to decrease so HE can increase.

John 3:30- "He must become greater; I must become less."

What if we took the idea of "WWJD- What would Jesus do?" to a new level?

If we totally emptied ourselves so we could be filled with God's love and reassuring presence?

It's been easy, throughout the last year, to fill myself up with selfish desires and wants...

Because, I thought I could find relief, healing, patience, and peace through selfish and worldly things.

But I only found healing and contentment and peace when I became less and He became greater.

My prayer...

May I empty myself so I there is room for Him.

Room for Him in my heart.

Room for Him in my head.

Room for Him in my hands.

Room for Him in my words.

Room for Him in my feet.

Because...

When there's room for Him in my heart, My whole body is affected. His presence calms my soul, moves me to love others as He has loved me.

When there's room for Him in my head, My thoughts are consumed by Him and not anger, bitterness, sadness, or any other worldly pain.

When there's room for Him in my hands, they are busy working for Him and bringing Him glory.

When there's room for Him in my words, there's no room for lashing out in anger, saying things I later regret.

When there's room for Him in my feet, they go places like worship, prayer, and praise where I can continue to be filled and consumed by my presence.

And when I decrease so He can increase, He is ever with me. I can feel His presence through me, and I can say "Thou art with me."

And when "Thou art with me," I will fear no evil. 

I must decrease so He can fill me and be ever with me.

Blessings:

-M&M Cookies from Grandma!

-Making room for new things!

-I had a lie-in today and it was great!

-Time to sit outside in the beautiful spring weather and read

-Talked to my new boss for the summer and I'm somewhat excited about work!

-Anxious to play in a new church tomorrow!

-Movie with mom

Reflections on Psalm 23 Part 7: Death's Dark Shadow

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...

The valley of the shadow of death. It's a scary place. I've been there- see this post.

There was a time during this battle where it seemed the depression and anxiety were winning, and always would be. During the stages of my manic depression, I was lurking around in the shadow of death.

There is no word or phrase I could use to describe the feeling of being at the very bottom of pit. While I was not in any physical pain, the emotional turmoil, anguish, hardship, cloudiness, confusion, and stress overwhelmed me.

It seemed there was no way out. It seemed like nothing I was ever going to do was going to change me, and I refused to live my life in that state. So it seemed the only option was death.

Patience grew so thin and determination was totally depleted.

It was scary. I never want to go through that again.

But I'm not a quitter. I'm a fighter.

I pushed through the anguish and the pain and I overcame those times. It was not easy, but I did it.

I'm out of the darkness. The shadow of death and depression no longer lurks over me.

I am living under the light of the Son.

This hymn verse from At the Lamb's High Feast comes to mind...
Now no more can death appall; 
Now no more the grave enthrall
You have opened paradise
And your saints in You shall rise. Alleluia!


Death has been swallowed up in victory! Death is smashed! The shadow no longer haunts me!

Christ is risen, and my life is changed forever!

Depression= CONQUERED!
Anxiety= BEAT IT!
OCD= GOING TO KICK ITS REAR!
Panic Attacks= SMASHED THEM!
Persecution= OVERCAME IT!
Fractured Foot= I WHOOPED IT!
The Shadow of Death= SWALLOWED UP IN VICTORY!

=D


Unrelatedly, Just Me posted what her dorm looks like at finals... I took pictures myself when I was writing my huge research project. Here's what my room looked like (this was about 5-6 weeks ago...)
I meant to post these pictures from my cell phone a few days after, but forgot all about it until now!

My desk... I had to use a lot of scholarly articles...

And it didn't all fit on my desk so I eventually began work on my futon...

(Remember- 1 paper was 30 pages long; the other 40)... 

Blessings
-Got pack a paper from my class with a perfect score!!

-Safe travels to home

-Packages in the mail

-Fellowship at fun at graduation receptions with my mom

-Watching Gnomeo and Juliet!

Reflections on Psalm 23 Part 6: When Life's Directions Seem Unclear

He leadeth me along the paths of righteousness for His name's sake.

"Follow the yellow brick road...." hums the simple song from the timeless classic "The Wizard of Oz."

Where is your yellow brick road taking you? Where is the path going?

Sometimes we reach points in our life where circumstances look something like this:

In these situations, futures may look unclear. Destinies may seem uncertain. Choices don't seem promising. It's easy to flop down on the ground and wonder "Where do I go?!"

In my own personal story and struggle, I was so confused so many times...

What is wrong with me?

Do I go see a counselor?

Why did I wait?

Do I get on medication?

Which medication is right?

Do I need to be hospitalized?

Do I need to take a break from school?

Did I do the right thing?

What is the best thing to do/say in this circumstance?

Where do I go from here?!

Sometimes we don't know the way we're supposed to go. When we approach a fork in the road, we don't know what is best and which road will hold the most promises. We want a big flashy arrow that says, "DO THIS! FOLLOW THIS ROAD!"

In those moments, when life's directions seem so unclear, when life hurts the most, when we are so confused someone does show up with an arrow.

The Shepherd. He takes his staff and points down the path of righteousness.

He directs us to His Word for comfort, security, and hope.

When life's directions seem unclear and we don't know where else to turn, the path of righteousness remains open and invites us to travel.

Along this path of righteousness, the road is clear, the surface is smooth, and the direction is straight.

What is at the end of this path?

There, at the end of this way of righteousness stands the cross of Christ. 

It is where things are crystal clear, where promises are fulfilled, where reconciliation happens, where all of our tears are wiped away by our Shepherd.

When life's directions seem unclear, pray. Worship. Give thanks. Rejoice. Get off the path of your ways and onto the path of righteousness. There, the cross and God await you. I'll be there too, and so many others who have found the way down this amazing road.

Blessings:

-I totally dominated the test I took today! I wrote a 14 page essay for it and my hand still hurts, but I am so confident in how well I did!

-Teacher warehouse sale!

-Became an official Scholastic Club member since I am officially a "student teacher!"

-"Don't ever change, Dylan"

-Coffee this afternoon with a great friend who I might not see for another year... =(

-Runza for dinner... Mmmm...

-I'm still smiling at how awesome things have been lately.

I want to share this image someone posted on Facebook today..

Reflections on Psalm 23 Part 5: Those Soul Shaking Moments

He restoreth my soul.

You know, you don't really know what fear really is until you experience it.

Tonight, I was almost in a head on collision on the way back to campus from the city. It was terrifying. I am still shook up. I was afraid.

And last Thursday, when the tornado sirens blew in town and we were in shelter for 30 minutes, yeah, after seeing what happened near my hometown, I was afraid.

I think fear really sinks in when your stomach feels as if a dagger was thrown in and you can feel the adrenaline rushing through your veins.

I've written about fear several times before- but this fear I'm talking about- this is a real intense fear. There is fear of the unknown, which I think is what I've written about before.

This fear is tangible. It's real. Not that the other fear isn't, but this is so soul-shaking that it "causes me to tremble" as a famous hymn says.

But... He restoreth my soul.

Isn't that comforting? Another translation puts it as: He refreshes my soul.

My Shepherd takes me into His arms and holds me close, and my fear subsides.

I like this image:

A picture of my shepherd and me (or you). Holding on tight, restoring my soul. There's nothing to be afraid of.

There might be moments where my soul shakes. But it is then restored when I lean on the everlasting arms of my Savior and my Shepherd.

Blessings:

-Runza for lunch... Mmmmm

-Got some resources from my mentor!

-Printed a lot of "summer reading" articles. (Yes, I'm a nerd when it comes to literacy methods and research)

-Getting little things done

-Being protected by my Shepherd!

-A fantastic dinner and fellowship tonight with two of my former professors!

-Lots of laughter

-My cheeks are sore from smiling and laughing so hard throughout the day.

Yes, thank you, God, for restoring my soul. 

Reflections on Psalm 23 Part 4: Calm Waters

He leadeth me beside still waters.

A lot of people talk about sheep as being really "dumb" animals. But, they are not so dumb in some aspects.

They know when they are treading on danger's tightrope. Sheep cannot swim- their big thick wooly coat would cause them to sink and be in danger immediately should they end up in a raging river.

And the sheep are well aware of this. They are afraid of water because the know it will be their demise and end in a dreadful fate if that is the case.

But as humans need water to replenish and refresh our souls in order to survive, the sheep need water to drink and re-energize as well.

They will only drink, however, if they find calm, quiet waters to be sure they are not in any danger.

A good shepherd leads his sheep to quiet, cool, and calm waters.

Throughout my battle with health problems, I've known that I've been in danger of sinking. There have been so many times when I've felt I was standing next to a foaming, raging, rushing river.

And I felt like I was going to fall in and drown. And fail. And let people down. Let God down, for that matter.

Pressures were so great-
"You SHOULD be feeling better"
"You SHOULD be improving"
"You SHOULD be a better friend"
"You SHOULD be more independent"
"You SHOULD be walking on your own by now"
"You SHOULD be at home, you won't survive at school"
"You SHOULD be doing more to get better"

The pressures were so great I felt like I was going to crack and fall into the dangerous, deep river of failure and shame.

But my shepherd steps in and says, "Dylan, come here, come this way."

And He leads me beside still waters. There are no limitations. There are no "shoulds"

Things are calm. I am safe. I am not in any danger. No "Should" the world could ever throw at me will cause me to drown.

I can drink from the waters of everlasting life and be content.


This verse reminds me of the hymn, "He Leadeth Me"... Some of the lyrics...


He leadeth me: O blessed thought!
O words with heavenly comfort fraught!
Whate'er I do, where'er I be, 

still 'tis God's hand that leadeth me.  

Refrain:
He leadeth me, he leadeth me, 
by his own hand he leadeth me; 
his faithful follower I would be, 
for by his hand he leadeth me.

Sometimes mid scenes of deepest gloom, 
sometimes where Eden's bowers bloom, 
by waters still, o'er troubled sea, 
still 'tis his hand that leadeth me.  
(Refrain)

Lord, I would place my hand in thine, 
nor ever murmur nor repine; 
content, whatever lot I see, 
since 'tis my God that leadeth me.  

(Refrain)

Blessings:
-I totally forgot to mention yesterday that I TOOK THE BOOT OFF! I am now walking freely again and the majority of the pain from my fracture has subsided! Thanks be to GOD!

-Didn't do quite as bad on my exam as I thought I did.

-Visit with my mentor again and she loaned me a book.

-Good counseling session today

-My back seems to be well-adjusted as well!

-Good practice run this afternoon of my recital

-Won an auction on Ebay!

-I had my first vegan dinner ever tonight with an amazing newlywed couple! (No, I am not vegan, but they are!)

-It has been an amazing, but busy day! I've been hanging out at the still waters. How about you?

Reflections on Psalm 23 Part 3: Fear-Free

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures.

When I hear that phrase of Psalm 23, I think of myself in a field with bright green grass, decorated with various colors of flowers as far as the eye can see. There is a gentle breeze, and I can hear a river running faintly in the distance. The sun is shining, but not so bright that I have to squint.

Sound relaxing? I think it is.

A while back, when I was listening to a sermon about Psalm 23, the Pastor talked a lot about sheep behavior. I guess that a sheep will not lie down unless it knows that it is not in any danger or it has any reason to be afraid. It's the Shepherd's "job" if you will to provide security for the sheep so they aren't afraid to lie down and sleep and rest.

It's hard for me to lie down in green pastures. I'm too afraid.

I've got a lot of fear eating away at me. Not as much as I did when I was severely ill, but I still have some.

I'm afraid that I'll be battling with OCD for the rest of my life.
I'm afraid that if I keep scalp picking, the back of my head will continue to go bald.
I'm afraid that everyone will abandon me as I've seen happen.
I'm afraid I'll get ill again when I start student teaching and I'll fail.
I'm afraid I'll never achieve my dreams.
I'm afraid people will see me as a failure.
I'm afraid I'll be an outcast because of what is wrong with me.
I'm afraid I won't be able to afford my medication any longer some day..
I'm afraid that things may get worse.
I'm afraid that somethings will go back to the way they were.

I'm scared out of my mind. There's no doubt about it.

But in the midst of all of those fears, the good shepherd steps forward and says,
"Dylan, what are you so afraid of?"

I've posted on fears before. But the fears have changed.

The fears may have changed, but the faithful shepherd who stands watch over me hasn't.

And He says, "Dylan, what are you so afraid of? Fear not. Take courage. You are safe in my arms."

Isn't that a beautiful image? Jesus holding on tight to me, His fearful sheep.

He says, "Come unto me all you who are weary and I will give you rest." (Matt. 11:28). He invites, "Cast all your anxiety on me because I care for you." (1 Peter 5:7).

Because of His promises and His security, we can lie down in green pastures.

We are secure. We are safe. We can rest in the beauty of those relaxing green pastures. No fear of ours can get us. Isn't that amazing?!

We go from being fear-FUL sheep to Fear-FREE sheep.
We are no longer full of fear, but full of peace and security in those amazing green pastures.

Blessings:
-My first exam is DONE! (it may have mauled me, but it's DONE!)

-Visit with my mentor

-Picked up a CD of amazing Easter music! Have it playing right now.

-Long time to practice on the organ

-Getting a lot of little errands done!

-Writing letters to friends far away

-Relaxing afternoon of subbing at work.

-Lying down in a green pasture and feeling safe and secure.

Reflections on Psalm 23 Part 2: Glad At Heart I Am

"I shall not want" those follow the words I explored yesterday, the continuation of verse 1 of Ps. 23.

This is going to be a tough one. I am such a "needy-wanty" person. I covet a lot of things, and I'm not always as content as I should be.

It was especially hard during my illness and in the recent weeks-
"God, I really want you to heal me."
"God, I really want you to fix this."
"God, I really want you to take better care of me."
"God, I really would like some kind of reward for being so faithful."
"God, I really would like some form of security from you."
"God, I really want to be done with this homework."
"God, I really want to go home soon, so can you arrange things to make that happen?"

I'm sure you have your wants too.

But Ps. 23:1 discourages that- it says, "I shall not want" (In some translations, "I lack nothing.")

I shall not want.

So easy to say, not so easy to do. Because we're in a society where it's "I want it, and I want it now!"

As a commercial for JG Wentworth company a few years ago had people screaming from windowsills,
"IT'S MY MONEY, AND I NEED IT NOW!"
(Click that link if you don't remember or know what I'm talking about)

Isn't that the way sometimes we are?  Those "wants" I asked God for, they were more like demands...
"IT'S MY HEALTH, AND I NEED IT PERFECT NOW!"
"IT'S MY TIME, AND I NEED IT NOW!"

But, we can be comforted and calmed in every one of those circumstances.

The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want.

With a shepherd that guides, provides, and abides, we have it all.

The hymns and sermon and children's sermon gave such beautiful imagery of that today.

My Pastor showed pictures of a shepherd, and he had the children look at the faces of the sheep... They were all "happy" looking (if a sheep can look happy?)

And in the hymn, "I Am Jesus' Little Lamb", which I lead the congregation in singing today, it says,
I am Jesus' little lamb,
Ever glad at heart I am;
For my Shepherd gently guides me,
Knows my need, and well provides me....


Who so happy as I am, 
even now the Shepherd's lamb...

Wants? Away with them. The shepherd provides what we need. That doesn't mean it aligns up perfectly with what we want. In fact, a lot of the time it doesn't. But do you see those hymn lyrics- EVER GLAD at heart, because he WELL PROVIDES....

Because God knows what we need, and God knows what He wants for us- and that is life and salvation. And He holds true to His promises.

What do I want ultimately? To be happy.

And I don't have to want that. Because I already am. Because I am safe in the arms of my shepherd.

You know those blessing lists I post frequently? They remind me, that "I shall not want." Because I have far more blessings than what I deserve.

Blessings:
-Safe travels from home

-Playing for the service today and playing so many good hymns!

-Receiving Holy Communion

-I am going to TRY tomorrow to walk without my boot! I think my foot is *nearly* healed!

-Peace and quiet and time to relax and study.

-Seeing many church members and fellowshipping with them

-Wings for dinner

On another note, please continue to pray- I'm still a bit nauseated/fatigued with this new Abilify medicine. Thank you! :)

Reflections On Psalm 23 Part 1: Let's Get Personal

Tomorrow is the 4th Sunday of Easter, Good Shepherd Sunday. Psalm 23 will be the focus. As I was planning music to play tomorrow, I was reading through Psalm 23- it is so great, so rich, that I am going to reflect on it, piece by piece. It might take a while to get through it, but that's okay. We're in no hurry, right? It may or may not come uninterrupted- depends on what's going on! 

Today, I want to start with Ps. 23:1- "The Lord is MY Shepherd."

That's personal. 

Sometimes in the church, we tend to say, "Confess OUR sins," "OUR iniquities", "We", etc.

But here, in Psalm 23, we hear David say, "The Lord is MY Shepherd."

And here in, Psalm 23, I can say, and you can say, "The Lord is MY Shepherd." 

And as our Shepherd, God does 3 things: He guides; He provides; He abides. 

And because we have "MY" in front of that we can phrase it this way:

My shepherd abides with me.

My shepherd guides me.

My shepherd provides for me.

For me. Aren't those two words wonderful? For me. With me. 

That's promise! It's a personal promise to me, and to you! We have to say that verse with meaning though- we can't just recite it without realizing what we are saying- 

The Lord is my Shepherd!= The Lord abides, guides, and provides for me! 

Isn't that amazing?

You know, in my darkest days, I read through Psalm 23 and I wondered, "Where is the guidance? Where is God's presence? Isn't He supposed to be abiding with me? And shouldn't he provide for me? I'm suffering here, and a Shepherd provides, so come on, Good Shepherd, lead me out of my misery!"

But now I look back.

Where is the guidance?= It was RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! The Word! God's Holy Word and the Scriptures! God's word is like a compass, it guides our actions and our decisions. The Shepherd did not fail me there.

Where is his abiding presence= Though it didn't seem like it, He was always with me. (Hebrews 13:5). Always. If He hadn't been.... Well, things would have ended a lot worse and I may not be sitting here typing this. The Shepherd did not fail me there, though Satan tried to tell me otherwise.

Why isn't he providing for me?=  He always did. He always provided exactly what I needed. Was it what I wanted? Um, no. Was it enough, with His grace, to satisfy me? Yes. He provided, and in His time and in His ways. Because His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. 

Let's get personal.... Take God's all availing guidance, presence, and sustenance and be grateful. Then you can say, "The Lord is My Shepherd!" 

Let's get personal- Where have you seen God guide, God provide, and God abide in your life? In your trials? Please share! 

I missed the blessings the last few days- but they were there!

-I had a lie in this morning!

-Rhubarb and Strawberry preserves on Whole Grain bread toasted.... mmmmm

-Time to get organized!

-Filling two bags of clothes to give to those affected by the tornado

-Dinner at my Grandparent's house and lots of laughs

-preserved a dead bird! (Don't worry- I'm not strange- this has educational purposes!) 

-God GUIDES. God ABIDES. God PROVIDES. For Me. For You. That's personal. 

Waiting

I'm happy to say I seem to be doing well on the new medication- no real noticeable side effects yet... A bit of nausea, but that was expected. Keep praying this provides ultimate relief!


I'm currently also considering whether or not to continue therapy through the summer, or to take a break and resume in the fall. If I continued, I would need to switch to a local counselor, re-explain my entire story and diagnoses, and then begin under his or her methods of psychotherapy. I'm still thinking what would be best/easiest...


I came across this quote yesterday. In light of what I talked about the last two days, I wanted to share it: Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, anger, ignorance, smallness, pettiness, insecurities, persecution, cruelty, remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!


Blogger wasn't working yesterday, hence my post absence. 


I don't really have any story to share today. I opened up another letter to myself, (which was to be opened at the end of the semester). I will type it for a later post. 


Instead, today I am going to share a message I shared in November. I was the speaker to give the message at a campus praise service. Keep in mind I wrote this in the midst of my worst trials and anguish, and then managed to deliver it to a large group of students.

Message Text: Psalm 130:5-6: I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope. I wait for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning.

Waiting. Think about how much waiting you do in an average day. You wait for class to start,  you wait until you can eat lunch, you wait for class again, you wait until you take a nap, you wait to go to a rehearsal, you wait again to eat dinner, you wait for your friend to call you to come hang out, you wait . And then you wait to fall asleep at night. And then there are the other things we’re waiting for in the distant future- on Monday everyone is waiting for the weekend, we’re waiting to leave for Thanksgiving, waiting for Christmas, waiting to graduate, waiting to celebrate our next birthday. Waiting to find a spouse, waiting to get our own house and raise your own family, - Speaking frankly, most of the time, we are waiting for the next thing to come. It seems like often when the thing we’re waiting for comes, we wait again for whatever comes next.

Waiting can be hard, I know, and we've turned into a culture of self-gratification. When we have to wait, many of us have the attitude of "I want it now or I'm going to pout!"

But as Christians, we have waiting to face in our lives.  Challenges, hardships, and other things we encounter show up. Sin and Satan make pain, suffering, and hardships inevitable and unavoidable.

I want to tell you a story about a mother and a daughter who went shopping in a large super store. While they were in the store the sky grew dark, lightning began to hit the ground, and thunder had boomed. The heavens opened up in a downpour and by the time they made their exit, there was a crowd of people waiting for the rain to let up so they could get to their cars. After a few minutes, the little girl volunteered, "Mom, let's run through the rain!" Mother replied, "I think we'd better wait for things to slow down. I don't want to get soaked." The little girl said, "We won't get soaked. You said so." The mother was a bit surprised. She thought back on the day's conversations to see if she had, anywhere along the way, talked about rain and getting wet. She hadn't. Finally she asked, "Honey, when did I say we wouldn't get wet in a rainstorm?"

The little girl quickly answered, "You remember - this morning - when you were talking to Daddy about his cancer. You said, 'If we can get through this, we can get through anything.'" By this time, the conversation between mother and daughter had the interest of the crowd that was waiting for the storm to let up. They listened intently to what the mother’s response would be. They, along with the little girl, waited to see if the mother's heart would be practical or if the two would run through the rain. The mother, having thought for a split second about whether she would be practical or not, said this, "Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If we get wet, maybe that's the Lord's way of telling us that we just might need a little cleaning." Hand-in-hand they ran. With plastic bags over their heads they ran through the rain, they jumped over the puddles and once or twice a foot landed right in a puddle. They got wet, but they didn't drown. Many of the crowd which had been listening to the conversation between mother and daughter also started running through the rain. The ones who didn't, smiled, and the ones who did, laughed. And they got wet, but, they didn't drown.

The Psalm we heard earlier- Psalm 130- is a song of ascent. The people sang it as they rose from the depths and began their journey from nothingness and sinfulness into holiness- they sang it as they went up into Jerusalem. A time when they were in the depths. And if you remember the words of the Psalm, they turned their waiting into praising- and as they waited in the depths, they got wet, but they didn't drown.

So I ask you, what depths are you crying from? What depths are you waiting to get out of? The depths we face are physical, they're things we're experiencing- and other times our feelings bother us so much that they bring us into the depths.

When you’re down in the depths, God wants you to call to Him. He has promised He will answer all prayers, as we hear in Job 14 “You will call and I will answer you.”- Granted, God doesn’t always answer the way we may want Him to or think best, but, He will not forget us. And when His answer isn’t what we want, or it seems like we have to wait even longer, we need to remember that God answers in His time and in our best interest.  He reminds us in Isaiah 55:9, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”

And there is so much that can be learned from waiting! That's why God puts waiting in our lives- to use it as a time of preparation and to give us Patience. God brings us His word, and down in the depths, God comforts us through His Word. so we can comfort others in their troubles. God also uses it as an opportunity for us to build up our relationship with Him- He wants us to rely on Him rather than relying on ourselves.  Only He can bring the peace we need. Don't feel hopeless in the depths- as the Psalm says, "I have found hope in your Word"

Don't forget that during those times, God is right there. We hear his promise in Hebrews 13:5,  “God has promised, never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.” – And before Jesus went up into heaven, he promised, “Surely I am with you always, even to the very end of the age.”  Although you may feel alone in the depths, remember, God is still with you, and He's not going anywhere.

If sin is what is bringing you down in the depths, causing you misery and despair, hear the promises God has to offer you. be comforted, for you don’t have to wait any longer- As we heard in our Psalm Passage, verses 3-4 “But with you there is forgiveness…” We know that Christ was born, lived a perfect life, died on the cross, and rose again! God did the great thing when He sent His Son to died on the cross- and because He died and smashed death, we don’t have to wait for forgiveness! When we ask, we receive!!  Sin may make us feel wet in the rainstorm, but because of Jesus' death on the cross, we're not going to drown in it.

If you have a troubled heart, listen to the words of the Christmas angel. He said, "In Jesus I bring you good tidings of great joy!" A tiny baby was born for you- for the whole world. The wait is over, the Savior has come. Listen to the book of Colossians. There it says this: "May you be strengthened with Divine power in harmony with God's glorious might. May you have endurance and patience and joy. May you give thanks for He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son. In the crucified and risen Christ we have redemption; we have the forgiveness of sins"

Although we're forgiven, our whole lives are still spent in waiting- to get to the place where God created us to ultimately bring us. We hear about our eternal home and find hope in the Scriptures. We may have to wait a while before we get to join God in heaven- But take heart, and rejoice in the grace that is given to you daily. Enjoy the life you have here on earth- and complete the work God designed for you to do.  Here on earth, we are in the company of saints- a glimpse of the glory yet to come some day in heaven. Jesus is coming back for those who are waiting for Him.

And in heaven, God’s full picture and master plan will be revealed, and we will understand everything, and know that God truly was working throughout our lives for our good and to fulfill His purpose. We will understand why sometimes we got wet in the rain, and we will realize that our waiting was never so bad we drowned.

The next time you're feeling hopeless and alone, and in the depths, turn your time of waiting into a time of praising and rejoicing-  and during those times of waiting,  you may get a little wet, but you're not going to drown.

You know, our heavenly Father knows what waiting is like, too. If you think waiting is hard, imagine how God must feel. All of his most treasured possessions, us, his children, are here on earth. Yes, He could take us any moment- but we were created with a purpose, and He leaves us here to do His work. One day when your earthly race has been run, and He can't wait any more, He’ll call your name and take you into His arms you’ll hear Him say, “I’ve been waiting for you. Welcome home.”  

I Am Only One, but I Am Still One

First off, thank you all so much for your encouraging comments and advice. The said person deleted me on Facebook a while back, but just now totally blocked me. Reminds me of behavior of a junior high girl... But anyway...


Today has been an emotionally taxing day. I'm not really sure why. I just woke up feeling drained- I guess I am just ready to be DONE and checked out for the year, but I still have 2.5 weeks to go. It's not that I can't do the class, it's that my energy level and my emotional tolerance have completely diminished... (Does anyone else ever feel that way?) 


But I'm not letting it bring me down. It's just another bump in the road, small compared to some of the other struggles. As my mentor pointed out this evening during a brief visit, "You were at the lowest of lows and you're almost at the highest of highs, and that is amazing." 


I guess I became even more drained and upset after a visit with my psychiatrist. I am on 3 meds- 2 for depression; one for anxiety. Since we're almost at the high of highs, but my scalp picking and obsessive thinking is still pretty bad, she is going to add on Abilify. 


Now, that might seem like a good thing, but it has its risks. Several people who begin this medicine experience a drop in blood sugar, leading to Diabetes, or have trouble with cholesterol levels and put themselves at risk for health dangers.


So, as I start off on the medication and keep up with it for a few weeks, they are going to run blood tests to monitor my levels and make sure I am safe. I am far too young to be experiencing big issues like that.


So, your continued prayers would be greatly appreciated as I sort through this! I am so close to conquering everything, and I am so glad to finally be getting there!


I came across this quote tonight, and I really appreciated it: I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. - Helen Keller


What can I do? I can love others and I can bring joy into the hearts of others.


I will not refuse to continue to be a blessing to myself and others. 


I can't be the Superman some people expect me to be...I can't be perfect... I can't do everything... I can only handle so much.


But that doesn't stop me from doing the things I CAN do. These illnesses, and the faithless friends who are seeking to harm me have not and will not stop me from following my dreams and fulfilling my destinies. They will not stop me from being Christ's ambassador and sharing the joy HE has put into my heart. 


I am stronger. I am greater. I am full of joy. God is GOOD!


Blessings:
-Relief from my back problem at the chiropractor


-My foot is starting to feel better! The pain is decreasing!


-Safe travels to and from my doctor


-Good response from my psychiatrist which brought hope to me


-Eating Chinese for dinner with a great friend!


-"Thanks for being a great friend!"


-A brief and unexpected visit with my mentor this evening!


-Time to read


-Found a good bargain on Ebay




-The author I mentioned yesterday is Carmen Deedy! SUMMER 2012!