Tears

Today was a tough day.

Today I said good-bye to a woman who was like a grandmother to me.

I've never been especially able to constrain any tears at funerals, and today was no exception. Only, it was harder to not cry today.

I kept telling myself, "You'll be okay, you are strong enough, you are not going to cry."

Sure enough, I did. But I realized eventually, there was nothing wrong with crying. There is nothing wrong about mourning. There is no need to be strong in these instances. Crying is the body's way of releasing sadness and making room for joy. Crying is the release of sad emotions.

I guess I've gotten so caught up in the messages the last few weeks that I am strong, so strong that I don't need to cry. But, those were other instances. I think my crying and release of grief today was totally healthy.

Because, no where does it say we need to be strong at a funeral. Christ is strong enough for all of us. Christ won so all our tears would be wiped away from our eyes in heaven.

Death is tough, and unavoidable, as I have learned. And it's one of the harder things people suffer in life. Crying over it is perfectly okay, as I realized. And I don't think I cried because the medicines or anything suddenly stopped taking effect, or because I lost my strength for a moment. I cried because at a funeral, and when we lose people we love, it's normal to cry.

After the funeral, I went to the luncheon and after I had finished eating, the son and daughter of the woman came up to my chair and after I offered my condolences, they said "You really meant a lot to our mother. She loved you and she loved your letters and had to share them with everyone when she got them. Thank you."  That made me cry to. Because I meant more to this woman than what I realized. And I could have written more letters, had I known they meant so much to her.

But I soon realized there's no looking back in this world. Only forward. And I look forward to seeing her again some day.