Anxiety, Part Two

I'm continuing with other struggles that the GAD has presented in my life.

I guess one of the major problems that GAD caused was my inability to sleep. As I mentioned before, I would lay in bed every night and think about everything that I could have changed in the day. When I found problems, I would lay awake all night and think about them. My sleep schedule was often limited to 3-6 hours of sleep a night. My body physically could not handle that little amount of rest and my immune system took hits constantly.

For instance, last May, I became sick with a severe bacterial infection at the end of the school year for several weeks. The doctors said I was prone to catching it because of my lack of rest. When I told the doctor I couldn't sleep, he simply said to watch my caffeine intake. Little did I know at that time I was suffering an anxiety disorder.

Those that have worked with my muscles (health professionals), and people who rubbed my back always remarked how tense my muscles were. That is another thing I suffered- I was in a constant state of tension and I could not relax. That took a toll on my body as well.

I also (and still admittedly am) in a constant state of tension and for those who know me, I am very, VERY easily startled. The simplest things startle me. That is something I may never get over, but this has caused me to be extremely jumpy and continuously on edge.

Only recently, the anxiety caused a lot of nausea. I woke up every morning nauseated (no longer do I), and I would become nauseated at random times. Those problems are now under control as well.

I also developed a stomach ulcer and I get severe heartburn and indigestion problems. That is another problem that only developed recently.

I'm not sure why I listed off all of my physical ailments. I guess I did it for personal reasons, because I feel so much better "letting them go" if you will. I know it's certainly not the most interesting reading material, but I'm trying to use this to get rid of everything. I know it won't correct any problems, but it helps me cope with them. If that makes any sense at all?

Looking at all of the things listed above and in my previous post, it is a lot to take in for me- I've got a lot of problems, and with the depression, it is rough. I'm facing a really tough battle. And not many people would ever guess that any of this was going on simply by my outward appearance. 

I'm really hoping that this doesn't make it seem like I'm feeling sorry for myself. Because that is not it at all. I still myself am trying to make sense of everything and try and steer my life in the right direction.

I'm not looking for sympathy or compassion from others, either. I'm just looking for people to be understanding, I guess... For people to keep in mind that I do have a continuous struggle. And when I don't act like you expect me too, it's because I have an illness.

I do know that I am a child of God, and God designed me to be this wonderful creation. And right now this creation of His is undergoing some rough times. But God only knows how to give good things. So it's a good thing, in His eyes. Even though it's not in my eyes. Perhaps some day it will be...

For now, I'm going to keep fighting, as I've said before. Because I'm stronger than ever. And there's no looking back. Only forward.