A Reason To Smile

Everyone has bad days.

Everyone has those days where it seems like everything goes wrong, and the thought at the front of  the brain is "It couldn't get much worse than this."

And most people deal with it at the end of the day, are able to rest up and face the next day, hoping it will be a little better.

It's a little bit different for me with depression.

Those bad days make what I'm going through even worse. I had a stream of so many things go wrong within the last 24 hours, I had a meltdown because I felt so helpless.

And after visiting with the counselor, she made me realize that all of the things that seemed so wrong and so insurmountable were really not that big of a deal.

The depression just made everything seem so significant and so horrible, and when they were all piled up together it seemed so overwhelming.

And now, I could type everything out that went wrong. But I'm not going to. Because, for one, I'm done dealing with it and dwelling on it; and for two, if another person read through it they might think they were petty things.

But I'm not at an emotional point now to make them seem so insignificant. Someone else has to "slap me across the face" and make me realize that things aren't such a big deal.

And even when the medicine takes full effect and I am able to control my emotions a bit better, it's not as if I'm never going to have a bad day again. They'll come, of course.

I'll just be stronger, and have the strength to realize that things do go wrong, and it doesn't do any good to get upset over it.

Right now I don't have much of a choice, it seems, whether or not I can be happy. But, after talking with a Pastor here, I realize that Christ has given me enough to be happy for. I have a reason to smile- because I'm forgiven. It's not about whether or not I have a good day or a bad day, whether things to right or wrong, whether things go exactly as I had imagined them.

It's about being a Child of God and rejoicing daily in His promises.

Even though it was a bad day, it ended very well. And two of my followers have pointed out that I stopped ending my posts with positives. I conquered my one and only final today- and it was so easy! I walked on a ton of ice without falling; I enjoyed an evening with two great friends.

Tomorrow I'm going to wake up. And I'll have a smile on my face.