River

I heard this song today and I found at least the first part of the lyrics, the part I posted below, to somewhat describe how I have been feeling. The latter half of the song talks about a love story, which is entirely not the case for me. But, at least the first part of the lyrics were meaningful to me...


It's coming on Christmas
They're cutting down trees
They're putting up reindeer
And singing songs of joy and peace
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
But it don't snow here
It stays pretty green
I'm going to make a lot of money
Then I'm going to quit this crazy scene
I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on


I'm not really sure what it is about these lyrics that seems so meaningful to me right now.


Christmas has always been my favorite time of year, hands down. But this year has been different. I've sort of had a "Bah humbug" mentality about everything. I haven't bought many gifts. I completely missed all of midweek advent services, which I normally make a special point to attend.


And it hasn't even felt like Christmas. And now the time of year I am supposed to enjoy the most is quickly slipping away. And within a few days it will be just a memory. 


And it feels like the illness has robbed me of yet another joy in life. 


Yes, I've been able to attend some things, I have already gone to a few Christmas get togethers, but I really didn't enjoy myself. 


Maybe the thing about these lyrics that is so true for me is that I am looking for a river- a river I can get away on and one that I hope will lead me to find the joy and comfort I am so much longing for during these trying times. 


I want to teach my feet to fly- fly somewhere I can find total happiness and contentment. Because right now I can't find it anywhere I look. At least, here on earth.


I know the reason we celebrate Christmas is to celebrate Christ's birth. And I guess one place I haven't looked yet is to the manger.


And I guess that is the place I can find what I am looking for.


Because many years ago, that baby, born in Bethlehem, brought the ultimate joy, happiness, and peace that the world was looking for. 


I know that new born baby can bring me the joy and fulfillment that my heart is yearning for right now.


I wish I had a river, I could skate away on, that will lead me to the manger this Christmas.


And I want that baby to wrap my heart with what I need right now- love. Hope. Joy. Peace.