Staying Strong

Okay... I know I was warned that aftershocks can come, and that I've had one before, and it feels like one is here/quickly sinking in.

And it has every reason to... I mean, I'm worked up. I shouldn't be, but I am.

Why am I worked up? What directions are my mind taking... here it goes...

You have so much school work to do. You haven't been prepared for the last two exams because of what has happened, so you may as well give up now. Deadlines and applications are looming over your head. You have a lot of appointments you need to keep over the next few weeks. You really should practice more because you need to have the piece ready to go for your organ final in 4 weeks. Don't forget that you need to figure out a plan for summer housing for May term. Oh, and don't forget to figure out things to do with your life during May term. And remember you teach your unit on Monday night. You've been doing a good job giving ample time to prayer and worship to God, don't forget to keep that up. You could really use more sleep too. What were you thinking committing to so many things? A lot of your friends are going to be graduating in a few weeks. Are you prepared to say Good Bye? Are you prepared to be without some of them in your lives? What about the friends you will still have next year? How are you going to keep in contact with them over the summer? Speaking of the summer, when was the last time you touched base with your boss? Don't forget you have another psychiatrist check up on Friday. Is she going to give you good news again? Raise your medicine doses or give you more? And what about those that seem to hate you? How are things going with them? Have they forgiven you? Are they still holding a grudge? Are they still avoiding you? How is that making you feel? Is it still bothering you? Oh yeah, have you heard from the student teaching office yet about your Fall assignment? When are they going to get it done and are you going to be satisfied with the final result? You really should go to the doctor and have your foot checked out, it's been bothering you for a few days. It might be sprained or broken. How much longer are you going to keep that up? When was the last time you called your parents to talk to them? They probably  are wondering why they haven't heard from you in so long. When was the last time you checked your bank account balance? Will you have enough to make this month's car payment? Are you taking enough time for yourself? You seem tense, you should relax more...


I had to stop there, but I could keep going, but it was working me up just typing all of that out. No wonder I'm starting to feel this again.

But, it's different this time... I'm staying strong. Keeping my confidence. Regret is looking back, worry is looking ahead, fear is looking around, but my faith is looking up to God.

Yes, I am looking up. I am holding on for a minute longer. I am staying strong. I am encouraging myself. The little push inside of me that I thought was long gone a long time ago is whispering, You can do this, Dylan! You can fight through this! You've come so long and this is nothing compared to what you've conquered! You are amazing. The people who love you far outnumber the people who seek to harm you. You've got God on your side and therefore you can stand before anything and anyone that comes in your way. You are loved! You are strong! You can do it!


I've never had that sense of confidence before. I like it. I hope it sticks around. I am a stronger person than ever.

And I can think of no better time than to list the positives- wait, let's start calling them blessings- yes, the blessings I experienced today. =)
-"I appreciate your input in class."

-A visit with my mentor which was very reaffirming!

-Worship tonight- good to spend some time with God and in the Word.

-Another birthday song!

-Me finally "understanding" something highly theological that I was having trouble grasping before- perhaps I will share it at a later date!

-Getting a gift I didn't really deserve

-"Yes, please stop by sometime and chat!"

-"I can always count on you, Dylan!"

-Realizing I am blessed and I am strong! Even in the midst of what seems to be an overwhelming aftershock! I can do this!