Hope

I was blessed today with a visit with Professor Reek. We talked about so many things that I will value, and we talked a lot about hope.


And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.- Romans 5:2-5


Hope is an interesting thing. Professor Reek phrased things in a way that if things like this in life, we wouldn't have anything to hope for. If I knew what tomorrow would hold and I could foresee the future, hope would not exist.


And if we had nothing to hope for, what reason would there be to live?


Professor Reek also gently reminded me that things like this take about 6-9 months to fully get over and recover from. I'm not behind or different or hopeless because I haven't quite come around. It's just something that takes time and that I have to be patient with.


He described it as a demon that's on my back and that is clawing in and bothering the heck out of me. And it won't go away. And I have no reason to feel like I should be happy or anything. Because it's tough to live like that, and if anyone expects me to walk around happy or joyful, they need to think again, and start considering their own fears and expectations.


I also explained to him how people have become frustrated trying to understand or comprehend what I'm going through and my feelings. How no one understands why I would cry every night. No one understands why this is physically exhausting.


Simply put, no one needs to understand and no one should try and understand. Accept that it's what I'm going through, take my word for it, and be thankful it's not you. 


After conversing with Prof. Reek, I saw this come up on my Twitter and thought it was really fitting.  "Hope is like a bird that senses the dawn and carefully tries to sing while it's still dark."- It's still dark, and while my singing isn't quite loud yet, it's getting there. There is always hope.