1. Educate yourself. There are countless sites on the internet where you can learn about depression.
2. Put yourself in their shoes. Learn what depression feels like, and what they must really deal with.
3. Take care of yourself. Feelings of depression are contagious. Periodically take some time to step back from the situation and recharge your batteries.
4. It's okay to feel upset, angry, frustrated. These feelings are a valid response to a very trying situation. The important thing is vent your frustrations rather than allowing them to build up inside.
5. Be there for them. Give them a shoulder to cry on or just listen while they spill out their hearts to you. Be patient with them. Let them know that you care. Share the things you've learned while researching depression. Let them know it's not their fault, that they're not weak or worthless.
6. Remember that the depressed person's behavior isn't indicative of the "real" person. The depressed person has impaired social skills. They may be withdrawn and shy or sullen and angry. When the depressed person lashes out in anger, it's because they're actually angry with themselves and the way they feel. You just happen to be there.
7. Depressed people aren't lazy. They're ill. Everyday activities like cleaning house, paying bills, or feeding the dog may seem overwhelming to them. You may have to take up the slack for them for awhile. Just like if they had the flu, they simply don't feel up to it.
8. Medications and therapy are crucial to their recovery. Help keep them on track with treatment. Help to ease their fears about treatment by letting them know that they're not crazy.
9. Offer hope in whatever form they will accept it. This could be their faith in God, their love of their children, or anything else that makes them want to go on living. Find what works best for them and remind them of it whenever they're not sure they can hang on any longer. If they're suicidal, you may need to seek immediate help. There are some very valuable suicide resourceson the Internet that will help you to help your loved cope with suicidal feelings as well.
10. Love them unconditionally and let them know it's their illness you're frustrated with, not them.
Provide emotional support. What a person suffering from depression needs most is compassion and understanding. Telling someone to "snap out of it" or "lighten up" are awful things to say. The best things to say are, "How can I help you?" or "I will always be here for you. I won't leave you to face this on your own." Usually, depressed people lie about their depression, so if someone says, "Are you okay?" they will say "Yes," but you have to make sure they can tell you how they really feel.
Don’t try to talk the depressed person out of his or her feelings. The depressed person’s feelings may be irrational, but telling them they are wrong or arguing with them is not the way to go. Instead, you might try saying, "I’m sorry that you’re feeling bad. What can I do to help?"
Stay in contact. Call them on the phone, write an encouraging card or letter, or visit them in their home. They will know that you care if you do things like this. It tells the person that you are willing to stick by them no matter what.
No one wants to make your life miserable by being depressed. Try not to view someone else's depression as your own affliction. Rather, be grateful that you don't have clinical depression and try to realize what the other person is going through. Don't take the things your friend, spouse or relative says/does, personally. They aren't meant that way.
Recovery from depression is not just a matter of taking anti-depressant medication and going to therapy. Both the depression and recovery from it can totally change a person's life. Treatment involves a lot of fundamental changes in a person. At times, you'll wonder if it's the same person you've known for so long. Believe me, it is--the depression probably hid the "real person" from your view, up to the point that he or she was diagnosed and began treatment.
Little things go a long way for someone with clinical depression. Small gifts and favors seem much bigger to them than to you. Don't be afraid to (for example) leave the person a short note with a smiley face on it. Even if it seems silly or hokey, small considerations will help.
A depressed person often rushes to person after person for help. This depressed individual tends to focus only on the terrible suffering that is being experienced. People soon grow weary of this type of conversation. Soon rejection after rejection occurs. The depressed person desperately needs someone to care, someone to hold onto. Most people cannot fulfill this role. If you are a casual friend to whom a depressed person is clinging, be merciful. Listen gently. Give a little of your time. Perhaps not much will be asked of you. You may not be phoned. You may not need to visit. But be gentle and understanding for the short time that is asked of you. Nothing hurts a depressed person so deeply as the sight of people avoiding encounters and fleeing away.
If you are a close friend, let the depressed person cling for a time. It will not last. Above all be there when others reject the depressed person, as they will. Such rejections may bring many tears. They certainly add to the depression. Be one who accepts. Depressed people need to have their worth confirmed.
A depressed person is often overwhelmed by irrational fears. Doing activities alone seems impossible. Staying alone, even more so. The person is fully aware that such fears are totally irrational. Adults feels shame and horror at their inability to do things that children easily do. Embarrassment at being afraid joined with true inability to be free from fear brings intense suffering. Be gently understanding of someone in this state. Do not comment upon it. The person knows how irrational the behavior is. Just understand that the fear is real and be merciful.
Share in activities with the depressed person. Often this individual finds it terrifying to be at home alone. Be ready to do what seems to soothe anxiety and bring some peace. Invite the depressed person also to share in your own activities in order that your patterns of activity are preserved.
Above all, patience, patience, patience. Depression is a disease. It is marked by a chemical imbalance in the brain. No one ever wants to be depressed. No one can simply throw off a moderate or severe depression. It would be nice if someone could. “Being there” is the most important thing, being there patiently with gentle understanding. Depression brings an agony within in which death seems to be a blessed relief from anxiety, fear, and loneliness. It takes a great friend to stay with someone in this state, to stay without lecturing, without condemnation, without exasperation, without fleeing.
No one wants to make your life miserable by being depressed. Try not to view someone else's depression as your own affliction. Rather, be grateful that you don't have clinical depression and try to realize what the other person is going through. Don't take the things your friend, spouse or relative says/does, personally. They aren't meant that way.
Recovery from depression is not just a matter of taking anti-depressant medication and going to therapy. Both the depression and recovery from it can totally change a person's life. Treatment involves a lot of fundamental changes in a person. At times, you'll wonder if it's the same person you've known for so long. Believe me, it is--the depression probably hid the "real person" from your view, up to the point that he or she was diagnosed and began treatment.
Little things go a long way for someone with clinical depression. Small gifts and favors seem much bigger to them than to you. Don't be afraid to (for example) leave the person a short note with a smiley face on it. Even if it seems silly or hokey, small considerations will help.
A depressed person often rushes to person after person for help. This depressed individual tends to focus only on the terrible suffering that is being experienced. People soon grow weary of this type of conversation. Soon rejection after rejection occurs. The depressed person desperately needs someone to care, someone to hold onto. Most people cannot fulfill this role. If you are a casual friend to whom a depressed person is clinging, be merciful. Listen gently. Give a little of your time. Perhaps not much will be asked of you. You may not be phoned. You may not need to visit. But be gentle and understanding for the short time that is asked of you. Nothing hurts a depressed person so deeply as the sight of people avoiding encounters and fleeing away.
If you are a close friend, let the depressed person cling for a time. It will not last. Above all be there when others reject the depressed person, as they will. Such rejections may bring many tears. They certainly add to the depression. Be one who accepts. Depressed people need to have their worth confirmed.
A depressed person is often overwhelmed by irrational fears. Doing activities alone seems impossible. Staying alone, even more so. The person is fully aware that such fears are totally irrational. Adults feels shame and horror at their inability to do things that children easily do. Embarrassment at being afraid joined with true inability to be free from fear brings intense suffering. Be gently understanding of someone in this state. Do not comment upon it. The person knows how irrational the behavior is. Just understand that the fear is real and be merciful.
Share in activities with the depressed person. Often this individual finds it terrifying to be at home alone. Be ready to do what seems to soothe anxiety and bring some peace. Invite the depressed person also to share in your own activities in order that your patterns of activity are preserved.
Above all, patience, patience, patience. Depression is a disease. It is marked by a chemical imbalance in the brain. No one ever wants to be depressed. No one can simply throw off a moderate or severe depression. It would be nice if someone could. “Being there” is the most important thing, being there patiently with gentle understanding. Depression brings an agony within in which death seems to be a blessed relief from anxiety, fear, and loneliness. It takes a great friend to stay with someone in this state, to stay without lecturing, without condemnation, without exasperation, without fleeing.
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