The deadline has continuously changed, however.
I've been setting a deadline for when I want to get better. I think "By this time, I will be feeling in tip-top shape."
Unfortunately, I have yet to meet that deadline and I've needed continuous "extensions" if you will on my deadline for getting better.
It's so discouraging to miss a deadline. And I only beat myself up and get disappointed in myself for not being back to "normal."
At first, I had a few weeks in mind. Then it was about a month. Then it was extended to being back from Thanksgiving break. When that still wasn't met, I extended it even further, to Christmas. When I still wasn't feeling peppy, I said I"d be back to normal by the start of 2nd semester.
And I got back to school and realized I'd missed another deadline.
Today, my counselor explained that there is no deadline or rush to get better. This is a very long, slow, learning process and it takes time to completely recuperate and get into a new lifestyle.
I felt overly discouraged today that I haven't made any progress, but my counselor gently reminded me that I indeed have. I've come so far, but, still have a long ways to go.
And she also said that I won't ever be back to "normal"- and that's a good thing.
Because the "normal" life I had before I became seriously ill is not one I want to resume living. I am in the process of beginning a new life.
So, there's no rush, no need to get back to "normal"- rather, I'm well on my way to the start of a new life. I am not sure what it looks like yet. I'm just emerging from a dark corner, peering out at what lies ahead.
I'm a bit afraid. Because at times it feels like I don't have the strength, determination, or hope to move on with a new life.
But I'm ready. I want more than anything for all of this ugliness and dreariness that has been taunting my heart and mind for so long to be gone.
And as far as a deadline for "getting better"? I turn to Isaiah 55:9, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”
God only knows what's going to happen and when. So I leave it under His control. Though, I need reminded of that time to time.
Dylan, your talk about not getting back to "normal" reminded me of something. My grandparents have been undergoing a lot of health issues lately, and they also moved recently. My grandpa's new motto is: "This it the new normal, and we have to get used to it." It's taken them a lot longer then they thought it would to adjust. But they're finally there. And you will get to that point to. The point where you will be able to say, "This is the new normal, and it's okay."
ReplyDeleteThis made me think of Romans - We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. (6:4)
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