Light in Darkness

It’s hard to sense the presence of God in this darkness.

I am facing a major spiritual battle right now, and I have spoken with a few Pastors who have helped.

It’s just so hard to see God in total darkness.

It’s hard to find God when I’m so tired. So very tired.

It’s hard to trust God when all I feel is pain.

It’s hard.

The darkness is the depression. The depression has made me feel as though no one wants to see me or makes efforts to see me. That the only reason I’m seen and noticed is because I am simply there. If I were not to seclude myself for any period of time, no one would notice. No one would care. I’m a nothing. I’m a nobody. I’m deadweight. If I stayed in my room for a period of three days straight, yeah, my professors might notice a student is absent and contact me, and classmates may note the empty chair, but, I don’t know that anyone would do anything about it. I don’t think I would really be missed. After all, how can you miss nothing?

The darkness has made me afraid to trust. It has made me feel as though all my efforts for anything are for nothing. All of my hope is for nothing.

The darkness is evil.

It’s hard.

But, people have reminded me that the darkness has not won, and will not ever win.

“If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will cover me, and the light around me become night,’ even the darkness is not dark to you; and the night is as bright as day, for darkness is as light to you.” – Psalm 139:10-11

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”-  John 1:5

In God is light, and in Him there is no darkness at all. Even though I am blanketed in black and darkness now, the light is still shining. It’s just hard to see.

It’s a little candle, in the distance, glowing really bright and shining for me to reach it and see.

Please be patient. Please help me. Please lead me to this light.

And I pray that I will be stronger than the darkness and be able to let that little light shine through me to others.

I’d like to close here with some hymns and song verses…As so many have been written about light in the darkness.

A prayer, I Want to Walk as a Child of the Light, Lutheran Service Book No. 411

I want to walk as a child of the light,

I want to follow Jesus.

God set the stars to give light to the world.

The star of my life is Jesus.

In Him there is no darkness at all.

The night and the day are both alike.

The Lamb is the light of the city of God.

Shine in my heart, Lord Jesus.

Another prayer, Abide with Me, Lutheran Service Book No. 878

Abide with me, fast falls the eventide.

The darkness deepens; Lord, with me abide.

When other helpers fail and comforts flee,

Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

A song that has become a great comfort to me during this time, Light Up The Sky by The Afters. A portion:

When stars are hiding in the clouds

I don’t feel them shining

When I can’t see beyond my doubt

The silver lining

When I’ve almost reached the end

Like a flood You’re rushing in

Love is rushing in

Light, light, light up the sky

Light up the sky to show me You are with me

I, I, I can’t deny

Oh I can’t deny that You are right here with me

You’ve opened my eyes so I can see You all around me

Light, light, light up the sky

Light up the sky to show me You are with me

So I run straight to Your arms

You’re the bright and morning Sun

To show Your love, there’s nothing You won’t do

Light, light, light up the sky

You light up the sky to show me You are with me

I, I, I can’t deny

Oh I can’t deny that You are right here with me

You’ve opened my eyes so I can see You all around me

Light, light, light up the sky

Light up the sky to show me You are with me

And finally, I turn to the childhood song I grew up with. I still pray that my little light is able to shine, even in the midst of this deep, black darkness.

This little light of mine

I'm going to let it shine

Oh, this little light of mine

I'm going to let it shine

This little light of mine

I'm going to let it shine

Let it shine, all the time, let it shine

Don't let Satan [blow] it out!

I'm going to let it shine

Don't let Satan [blow] it out!

I'm going to let it shine

Don't let Satan [blow] it out!

I'm going to let it shine

Let it shine, all the time, let it shine