I would like some advice from my readers. Because I am beyond confused.
Normally, my posts are positive and I try and share some insight about living with hope in depression/mental illness.... I don't want to end my positive streak- know that I am still smiling and full of joy- but I want to explain something I don't understand..
If you suddenly stopped speaking to someone, and didn't have the human decency to tell them why, do you think there is possibly a justifiable reason not to give an explanation?
Okay- so that happened, and then the said person began glaring at me, and generally giving me cold looks, even if I passed this person on the sidewalk and said Hi and smiled.
Is it so bad that I just want a simple explanation why? It's just really bothering me. Not only that, but I live in fear of what the said person will do next. I've asked for answers, but I've been ignored.
I believe that the said person is getting some sort of satisfaction from thinking that this person is bringing me down. I don't understand what sort of gratification that brings, as I have said before "hurt people hurt people." I don't know what's going on in the said person's life, but I don't really think it gives this person the right to treat me this way.
I guess my question to readers is- is it so wrong to want to know why? Does anyone have any ideas as to why this person might be doing this?
To make matters worse, the said person may be reading this. If that is the case, listen- you're not winning. You may think you are bringing me down, but you're not. I just want to know why.
If I had in some way seriously wronged or hurt this person, I would understand. But I didn't.
So any advice anyone has will be taken with much gratitude! I've come to the end of my rope- I'm out of things to do, and I've pretty much left the situation up to God! I pray frequently about it.
It's funny, even though this person hasn't asked, I've forgiven them. And it feels great. And no matter what the next action this person will take, I'm ready to forgive them. If something is that wrong in their life that they feel they need to do this, I kind of feel sorry for this person...
I read tonight in my Morrie book, "The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in." - Morrie.
Yes. Giving out love feels great.
Lord, help me to give out as much love as I can....
I know I give out love in the songs I sing that bring a smile to people's face. I know I give out love in the very jovial laugh I've been blessed with. I know I give out love through the gift of music God's blessed me with. I know I give out love when I tell someone I'm praying for them.
There's a song that comes to mind- it's the prayer of my heart. May God use my illness and my experience to build me up and be a blessing to others.
Today's blessings:
-Riveting class discussions
-Almost being able to preserve a dead chipmunk- hopefully tomorrow I will be successful!
-Beautiful weather and sitting outside reading to enjoy it
-It's confirmed- the date is still potential- but I AM going to be an intern for a famous children's book author! (Just for a few days in the summer of 2012- but the opportunity is still amazing- and FREE! And I get to stay at this author's house!!!!!!!!!!!)
-I'm just so stinking excited about the above blessing I want to emphasize it again!
-A fantastic dinner at Chez Bubba's restaurant with 2 great friends
-Done with all of my homework so I can head to bed early.
And may the prayer of my heart always be... Make me a servant today.
Don't feel the need to only post joyful things if there's other stuff you want to say - we like that you frequently have happiness to write about but I don't think any of us are going to judge you in the slightest if you ever write about anything else! :)
ReplyDelete-Could there be a justifiable explanation?
If we're talking 10 year olds, then no, there probably isn't. But adults? I think no matter whether there IS a justifiable reason, the person doing the ignoring would probably have a reason in their own mind. Even if that reason is just "my friends don't like you and I'm going along to fit in with them" - and that itself would be a powerful force to make someone stay away from you, I think.
I'm praying for you that you'll get the answers soon, but stay patient.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding - Proverbs 3:5
Also I thought the song you posted was going to be this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q660KO2hTD0. Obviously it wasn't - I liked yours though. But I really love this one & had forgotten all about it. I guess you probably know it, but if not, hope you like it :)
And CONGRATS on the internship!! Woohoooo that is awesome!!!
Oh and I forgot your second question, haha oops.
ReplyDelete-Is it wrong to want a simple explanation?
No, not in the slightest, and in this situation where you (as far as you can tell) haven't done anything wrong, you definitely deserve one.
Can you confront them in person instead of your blog, or have you already done that? It is not wrong to want an explanation as to why you are being shut out. That is very hurtful, and you deserve to know the reason why. It is okay not to always post things that are positive. We all get to know each other better when we can share our pain. I hope you get an answer soon, and can move on.
ReplyDeleteI have no idea why anyone would do that. And it's definitely not wrong to want an explanation.
ReplyDeleteAlso, who is this famous author you speak of?
@Just Me- You're right though, I think I'm dealing with someone with the mind/maturity level of a ten year old....
ReplyDelete@Angela- Yes, I have tried via every avenue possible. I just get ignored or glared at.
@Anonymously Me- I don't either. This person must be truly wicked, heartless, evil if they get a satisfaction from seeing someone suffer. I will post the name of the author when I have a confirmation set for sure! :)
Maybe, but you know that they aren't *actually* 10, so whatever it is and even if it is completely unfounded, I guess they probably do think they have a reason. Praying x
ReplyDeleteCan I had another way you bring love? Kind of?
ReplyDeleteYou bring me joy every time I check to find a new post. You seem to radiate love and hope in everything that you say (write), and that always makes me smile!
I don't think it's wrong to want an answer/explanation, and I think there's a reason, however strange that reason may sound when it's found. I know that I'd want an explanation.
I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOUR INTERN OPPORTUNITY!!! THAT IS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteWow! Thanks Becca! That means so much to me!
ReplyDeleteI just came across this... I'm sorry for all that you're going through, but remember God is strong!
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to put a differnt perspective on your post... Is it possible that this person has already given you an answer by ignoring you, and simply does not want to be friends? That might hurt, but it might also be the case. I don't know the situation, but maybe they have already moved past whatever is the trouble. You would then have to accept it, for it will unlikely change (based on my past experiences). And if it does change, then you can be thankful for whatever friendship is left. But that is their decision, too, remember. We cannot control what others do, no matter how much we might like to at times. Also, from experience, I would say to acknowledge whatever answer you're getting, even if it's the person ignoring you. Just because we may want another answer, doesn't mean we will get it if we keep after the person (so there may never be an answer that seems 'justifiable').
Hope that puts a different spin on things and that your mind can be open to them! I've had too many interesting life experiences not to share what I 'know'!
Thanks, Mary Beth... I guess I've accepted that this person and his two leaders/companions do not want to be friends. And frankly, if this is the way they treat people, and try to gain status by stepping on someone else's throat, I don't really want to be their friend.
ReplyDeleteI know that the "doesn't want to be friends" may be the answer, but still, does that give the person the right to glare at me? Not even say Hi? Totally ignore me? It just doesn't make sense.
If that is the reason, I still have to think their is a why. The one person I am speaking of was one of my closest friends, helped me through a lot, was totally nice and kind to me before this happened (thinking back to a year ago before I fell ill). It just seems so weird that one day this person would just totally turn against me and progressively get worse. I just believe that this person hates me and that they enjoy seeing me suffer- this person has not given me any other reason to believe otherwise.
Thanks for putting in your perspective- It makes sense, but part of me still strongly believes that there is more to the story and I would really like the answers so I can be done with this...