Words

Words and language are such mysteries.

Words have been good- I have been able to use words to express my sadness and sickness to doctors, family, friends, and others involved in my life.

I have been able to use words here to share my story with many of you.

I have been able to use my words to pray to God and communicate my thanks and needs to him.

I have been able to use my words to thank those who have made a difference in my life.

Words have also been bad- I have used words to tear down others. Words were used by others as they expressed their frustrations with me. Words can be dangerous.

Whether good or bad, I have also discovered that many times throughout this journey, words just weren't enough. No words I could ever come up with could effectively communicate my feelings.

No words could ever describe how afraid I was when this all started. Or am today.

No words could ever express how disappointed I've been in myself. How ashamed I've felt. How embarrassed I've been.

No words could ever express my thankfulness for certain people who continue to make a difference in my life.

No words could ever express how painful this is.

No words could ever express how much it hurts when someone walks out of your life.

No words could ever explain the confusion I am wrapped in.

No words could ever describe how exhausting this is.

No words could ever explain my present darkness.

Sometimes, people have (and sometimes in frustration), wanted to know "What's wrong!" why wasn't I actively engaged in an activity? Why didn't I want to be somewhere? "Why?!"

Many times, there were no words for the situation. I simply could not describe how I was feeling. In some circumstances I am in, there are just no words for me. I cannot find anything to compare the way I am feeling or thinking to. I wish I could.  Maybe that would, in certain circumstances, make things easier.

I also want to point out...

No words can describe what getting better feels like.

No words can describe what hope from God feels like.

No words can describe how beautiful the light is as I am walking out of this darkness.

No words will ever be able to describe how happy and joyful I will some day (and some day soon, I am confident) be.

Praise God for creating us to use words to help one another and express our concerns and thanks.

And Praise God for the circumstances where we are so at a loss for words, we need to come to Him so He can comfort us.