Don't Overdo It

I can’t say they didn’t warn me.

“Don’t overdo it!” I’ve been reminded time and time again.

I always respond back with a grin and a promise of “I won’t!”

And it’s not like I intended to overdo it. But I did.

Ever since I’ve been out of the wheelchair and walking again, and the weather has gotten nicer, I’ve been taking walks. Just last week, on two occasions, I ran. Just for a short distance. Sometimes it seemed too long, and it really wore me out. But at the same time, it made me feel good.

And when the words “Intramural Soccer” started buzzing through the air, my heart yearned to be able to do it, because of the fun I remember having last year.

I hoped the team I was on last year would ask me back, but, they didn’t. Very randomly, I ended up on another team, and I told myself, “You can do this!”

“Just don’t overdo it!” The words still ran through my head like a marquee.

“What can 40 minutes on a soccer field do to me?”

I ended up being on offense right from the start. I ran hard, and my level of determination was high, perhaps too high, because the strength just wasn’t in my legs. I felt weak, and after about five minutes of play, I felt as if I had been playing for four hours straight, and sought relief from a sub at the sidelines.

Don’t even think about going back out on the field. You’ve exhausted yourself already.

So much for listening to my conscience. After a few gulps of water and an opportunity to bend over to catch my breath, when a guy waved in for a sub, I was back on the field.

And I thought my running was weak the first time. Ha. This was worse. But I pushed through the pain and kept reminding myself that it was not okay to give up.

I could not have been happier when half time was called. Another minute or so to catch my breath and swallow some more water.

I asked myself what I was doing out on the field for second half. Still, I ran, feeling weaker and weaker, figuring I might as well keep playing because if I didn’t collapse from exhaustion on the field, I surely would have on the sideline.

I kept going and subbed out, and then ended up toward the goal at the end of the game. With each passing minute, I was relieved that I was still standing but wondering how I was going to hold up any longer.

It was so exhausting. I can’t even use words to describe it. But I survived. And we tied. I had the opportunity to kick during the shoot out and I scored. And the joy of that, everyone hugging me and celebrating with me, and the fun and laughs I had during the game made the forty minutes totally worth it.

But, I wasn’t doing so hot. I was parched, sweaty, tired, and it hurt every time I took a step.

I staggered back to my room. I wondered if I was going to make it down the stairs into the bathroom. The familiar urge to vomit that I experienced too frequently months ago seemed to be creeping up on me.  “It’s nothing. You’re just a little tired.” I tried to remind myself.

I made it onto my hall and into the bathroom where I collapsed on the floor, and I managed to pull myself to the toilet in time.

My “I haven’t vomited since December 18^th” streak came to an end.

I guess the anxiety from the game and the exhaustion of my body was just a little bit too much. It's okay. I'm still feeling strong today. 

Did I overdo it? Yeah…

Do I regret it? No….

Will I play again on Wednesday night? OF COURSE!...

I decided that the disease I have has robbed me of too much, and I am not going to let it rob me of any more. I promise I will take it a bit easier this next time around and pace myself a little bit better.

Gotta build up the leg and body strength again somehow, right?

Let’s keep the list going from last night, because the awesome streak has carried over into today and there is so much I am grateful for…

-More hugs!

-Getting a package in the mail with an amazing Children’s book inside from a great friend

-Being able to get out of a rumination cycle and lost in a book for an  hour and a half (something I haven’t been able to do in a LONG time!)

-Having lunch and great conversation with two professors who I look up to the most and highly respect

-Popping into a professor’s office and being able to give her a POSITIVE update on my condition, and seeing her reaction made my day

-Being thanked for being a great friend