I Think It's Over!

Is it...over...?


I crawl from underneath a heaping mess. The worst seems to be over.

At least, that's the way it seems.

I'm referring to my recovery. While I can say that I have been continuing to improve, it seemed like this past weekend, the worst of the worst has finally subsided.

And I'm trying to put everything here into words. It seems like this is comparable to an earthquake- And I was in a pretty bad earthquake. I asked my counselor in a session yesterday if what I had was what she would consider a bad case of depression.

She laughed a while and said I took depression to a whole new level.

I was laughing along with her, but, it made me kind of proud. Because I went through a lot (still am going through some stuff). But as someone reminded me the other day "You've come a long way, Dylan."

Yes, I have. I told someone today that I feel like I have made tremendous progress. I credit the doubled dosage of the new medication. She still wants to take it to a higher dosage. While I have come a long way, there is still some improvement that can made. And if one doubling of the medication did this, I am thrilled to see what another doubling could do. (If that's what she ultimately choses to prescribe). I have another appointment on Friday the 25th.

Anyway, going back to the earthquake analogy, while the major shakes and scares are over, I am now at the next stage- cleaning up the mess, getting back to "normal" like I said yesterday, and preparing for possible aftershocks. I recognize this a life-long battle, but, looking at what I've conquered and survived, any aftershock would seem minor/insignificant/something I could easily handle. I'm prepared. And they may not come at all. I don't know tomorrow.

I'm just so happy, I just want to scream to everyone passing by "I'm FEELING GREAT AND I WANT A HUG TO CELEBRATE!" Even strangers.

If you are a fellow peer and are reading my blog, you are one of a select few. There are probably only about 30 people on campus who knew what was really wrong with me.

So you are the only people I can really celebrate my new wellness with. Because I don't feel ready to share my story with any old stranger or acquaintance on campus.

I want to do things to celebrate, sing, laugh, etc. I deserve it!! Considering what I've been through to get where I am today.

And like I said, there is still some ways to go, but, I think the worst is finally over. And it feels great. And I feel so proud of myself. I deserve some giant fatherly pat on the back, I think, that says "Well done!"

I'm sorry for the rambled mess of thoughts, but it's really hard to find a proper way to express my excitement and happiness. Thanks be to God!

I want to share some pieces of a hymn that brought me to tears this morning in chapel (especially thinking about the earthquake analogy I mentioned) :

Though mountains slide into the sea, 
and waters rush where fields should be,
Though monuments and nations fall,
Your holy city stands through all.
When nothing seems to stay the same, 
You teach us your eternal name.
I AM forever Who I AM.
Above you, beneath you, around you and within you.
Be still and know that I AM God.


...When vision fades and dreams go dry,
We will on unseen things rely....