I Laid Down My Sword

Today was the day. The second Sunday in October. (Tomorrow is the date- October 10th).

I know I've been writing about this a lot, but, it is really helping me to look back and see what has changed and how far I've come in the timespan of 365 days.

I remember that day- but not many after. And that's why it was so hard for me to try and put this into a book. Why I've only written those 2 excerpts.

Because, I don't remember much of the story after that. 

But I do remember this day. And I remember what I felt like...

-Forgotten by friends

-Worried about many things

-Under pressure. We're talking a lot of pressure.

-Under stress. We're talking a lot of stress.

-Under a lot of emotional turmoil.

-Trying to help so many people and not ever help myself.

-Overwhelmed.

-Tired. Running on 4-5 (or less) hours of sleep a night.

-Over-involved. A member of everything.

I just couldn't do it anymore. And neither could my body. And with a lot of tears shed in the days prior and knowing something was going to happen, it was one of the hardest days of my life.

Because I knew something was coming. And I just let it happen. I remember the hours before church thinking, 

"You can't go on. It's time to rest. You will be okay. But just rest. Stop trying to fight me. You've fought for long enough and you don't have the strength anymore. It's time to lay down your sword and give up on this battle."

And, while I didn't necessarily give up, I just knew it was a battle I wasn't going to win. I didn't ask it to come- and I didn't know it was coming in the form of losing my ability to walk. But it came. And the illness completely consumed me. 

I don't know really what happened in those 6 weeks. But they are 6 weeks where I was hit- time and time again. I laid down my sword and let the enemy completely take me over. I was on the ground and I was being kicked, slapped, stabbed, smashed.

Fast forward 10-12 months later. Here I am now.  And I realize, it wasn't me who laid down the sword. It was God. God stepped in and said,

"You've fought the fight, Dylan. Well done. Lay down your sword- it might be hard for a while, but let me take over. Let me take on this battle. Let me lift up my sword, which is far stronger than yours. I will win this battle for you. It might be a long battle. But I will fight for you. You only need to be still."

And I look back on today's events. And I rejoice.

I rejoice, because, before church, two of my best friends texted me and asked if I wanted to go to 11:00 church with them. I sat between them. I was in God's house surrounded by 2 of the greatest guys I have ever met, sharing in the worship experience and rejoicing in our Christian fellowship.

I rejoice, because, after church, I was walking with one of them and his girlfriend, and we noticed her car had been hit. I was late for work, but I stuck around and helped notify the authorities and try and scope suspects.

I rejoice, because, at work, my coworker knew what day it was. And she reminded me, "Look how strong you are now."

I rejoice, because of e-mails I have received throughout the day, and because of people I have talked to, who have both reaffirmed my vocation and and encouraged me.

I rejoice, because, I sat with my co-op teacher, who is also my colleague and my friend, and we talked a lot. She is just amazing and I look forward to our continued partnership and friendship.

I rejoice because I look at the roadmap of what's ahed. I am so excited for second quarter and for what I get to be doing.

I rejoice because right now, life is just amazing. I know I get some days where I have a bad attitude, like Friday, but it happens. 

Thank you, God, for what has happened and who I am today. I will never be the same since I laid my sword down.

Another prayer request- Please, pray for my professor's baby. Professor G., and her baby's name is Jonah. Only a few months old. I saw her before church this morning and I talked to her. That little baby looked up at me with a giant smile and really, big, bright brown eyes.

Prof. G informed me that baby Jonah is undergoing open heart surgery on Tuesday. She was very frazzled, but today was holding up okay. The poor little boy, so innocently lay there, not knowing what lies ahead. He has a hole in his heart and a valve not working properly. I almost was in tears as she told me about it and I looked down at his precious little face. I told her I was going to do the most I can do- pray. And I ask you to please do the same.