It's Coming

This is a hard time of year.

I said it was going to be happy, and a celebration. But it's hard.

Because the week after homecoming (which is this weekend), is the day (October 10th) when my body gave up and the following day, the 11th, I was diagnosed.

What a hard time of year. Remembering all of the problems that buried me.

I could make you a laundry list of all of the things that led up to my body giving up. I have a feeling some of them wouldn't make any sense. Unless you knew me at that time of my life and what I was trying to endure.

And on October 10th, my body finally said, "This is too much. I've had enough. I'm shutting down for a while."

I remember very well the events that led up to it. But after that, there is a period of about 6-8 weeks of my life, that I lost.

About 8 weeks were robbed from my life. I lost them. I don't remember much about what happened.

I remember I couldn't think. I couldn't eat. I could barely get out of bed. I fell behind in classes because they became a lull. I could barely move.

And I don't remember much of anything that happened during those 6-8 weeks.

I know- in the grand scheme of things, those 6-8 weeks will seem rather insignificant. But they were important.

But memories that I would have had to grasp on to-  they're gone.
Valuable information I learned in class- it's gone.
Special days or events that happened- I don't know whether or not they did.
Things people did for me, said for me- I haven't a clue.

I feel robbed.  Some say, "Well, it's been a year, I thought you were over all of that stuff?"

No, I'm actually not. Every day I try and process it. Every day I have to fight and make choices to make sure it doesn't happen again. Every day I put 7 pills in my body to prevent anything further to happen. Every day I have to see the people who won't speak to me because I'm different and because of what happened. Those things are real now, and those things will stick with me for a while.

And this is a hard time of year because I remember all of the bad things- all of the pressures- that I had to endure during that time. I just could not take another thing happen to me- my body exploded (imploded).

But it's also a time to think back to see God's hand throughout everything. I don't know really what happened between me and Him those 6-8 weeks.

But I am confident He blessed me in more ways I could ever imagine.

You'll probably hear more about this in the coming days, because the 1 year mark is quickly approaching.

It is a hard time of year. But I'm letting God handle the pressures. God is saying, "Dylan, I know these next few days will be full of pressure and painful memories. But get out of my way. Let me handle these pressures. Move! Get going! I will take care of it! Get out of my way!"