Update on my condition: I am having blood work done on Friday morning to run tests. We have an idea of what it may be, but I don't want to write anything until we are sure. Right now, I am blacking out, feeling dizzy, and my body does not stay hydrated- everything passes right through me. My mental health remains top-notch, however, so that is a blessing.
I've just finished reading A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller. It was very, very good. I want to reflect on a few things he said- but I want to fast forward and start with one of the latter quotes because I think it fits what is happening to me right now.
With the way I'm feeling, I'm not really upset or overly worried. It's strange. The whole fractured-foot incident worked me up (I suppose because that was very, very painful), but even not knowing what's wrong with me, I'm still somewhat confident in my future.
Because, I've learned for one, that God is in control. Everything is in His hands. Not ours. It's almost like I have the attitude of "Okay- You've defeated so much, this will be a piece of cake- no matter what it is."
I hope that my attitude remains the same post-diagnosis. I know it will. Because I am strong.
Anyway, going back to a quote from Miller. After he experienced what I consider a minor hardship, Miller considers Job. In the midst of his trials, Job calls out to God and asks God why He allows all of it to happen.
As Miller puts it, God really doesn't answer Job's question. He basically says, "Job, I know what I am doing, and this whole thing isn't about you."
Regardless of what the tests show on Friday, this isn't about me.
It's not my story- it's God's. And God has the story- my name- written in the book of life.
This reminds me of my favorite hymn, hands down. Of the 4 great-grandparents of mine's funerals I've attended, it has been sung at every single one. I'm But A Stranger Here... Here is verse 2:
What though the tempest rage,
Heav'n is my home;
Short is my pilgrimage,
Heav'n is my home;
And time's wild wintry blast
Soon shall be overpast;
I shall reach home at last,
Heav'n is my home.
I post that hymn because no matter what happens- no matter what rages, whatever blasts my way, it's not about me. It's about God and His story and His plan.
It's not about me. My health isn't mine- it's God's- and it's a gift from Him.
I trust whatever happens- whatever is wrong with me- will be taken care of by God. Because it's all about Him.
Blessings:
-Prayers from so many people I know (and those of you I don't- THANK YOU! :))
-Got called in to work and fill in a while and make a little money this afternoon.
-To my surprise, I found my name in the newspaper, saying I made the Term honor roll! YES! It just goes to show how strong I really am- that illness didn't stop me from going after my dreams, and going after them to the best of my abilities.
-While my condition has worsened today, this is still the day the Lord has made, and I will rejoice and be glad in it.
Everything reminds you of a hymn, hey? I wish we sang more hymns at church. My favorite is probably Be Thou My Vision.
ReplyDeleteI read about half of A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. I didn't like it that much.
I've been praying for you and will continue to do so. :)
^Be Thou My Vision is possibly my favourite too.
ReplyDeleteDylan, you're scaring me with your talk of serious diagnoses & funeral songs. Praying for you - please please keep us updated!! x
PS - Congratulations on making the Honour Roll!! (I can't bring myself to spell it the US way even though we don't have Honour Rolls here..)
Hmmm... I know the tune of "Be Thou..." but, we don't have that hymn in our hymnals...
ReplyDelete@AM- The second half of the book was the best! :) But, I did think the first half was kind of dry...
Thank you both for the prayers!
And, sorry if I came across that way- but, I don't think what I have is fatal! Did not intend for that funeral song to mean that! Sorry!
My thoughts are with you while you wait, often the hardest part. I envy you your solid faith in God and your strength to push forward.
ReplyDeleteYAY for unexpected surprises like your name in the paper (for a good thing)! :)
ReplyDeleteI haven't read much of Miller's stuff, but that sounds like an interesting read.
Funny enough, I read part of Job last night. Or rather, way early this morning. I couldn't sleep, and I landed in Job and started underlining some stuff until almost 1AM.
Half the time I don't even know the hymns you bring up--we don't sing enough hymns in our church. Our first service does, because they're the older generation and would probably be upset if we didn't. But our second service they try to keep it more modern music. Sometimes they'll throw in a hymn or two, but I feel like we need to sing more!!
Still praying! With everything that's happened with my dad lately, hearing that other people are having troubles is a little scary...