The day was long.
Each minute of each hour seemed to linger on, and time even seemed to stand still during some points of time.
I kept my cell phone close, my eyes usually glued to the screen in hopes it would light up with an incoming call.
I held my hopes high that a voice on the other end would tell me everything would be okay- what I have now isn't serious, and that if I get on new medicine, things will improve.
Unfortunately, that didn't happen.
My phone never rang. The results from the battery of tests aren't in yet.
Another long night of waiting awaits me. I hope the call comes tomorrow and a voice greets me on the other line that says everything will be okay.
And if that doesn't happen- if a voice greets me and says that what I have is serious, that doesn't change my attitude.
I will carry on with joy. No matter what.
After a long (but great weekend), I sat and talked to God a while. There were tears. Some things I know better than to say to God came out of my mouth...
"God, this hardly seems fair. I've been scarred time and time again within the last 10 months, isn't it someone else's turn to suffer now?"
But as I read Scripture, I realized this:
Regardless of whether the phone rings tomorrow, and what news the doctor on the other end of the line delivers, I am certain of these things:
-God is always good.
-God is always Faithful.
-God is always watching over me.
-God is always in control.
-God always provides hope.
-God always whispers "Don't give up. Keep going."
There is always hope. Always.
I am reading A Place Called Blessing, as I mentioned yesterday. Someone says this to the author, which is kind of what people have said to me for a while. It gives me the extra push I need to get through this:
"Terrible things have happened in your life. But the fact that you're still here on this earth means that you are strong. You have courage. You've survived things in your life that would have caused most people to give up. But you didn't. You kept living."
Thank you all for the prayers. You have no idea what it means to me.
I'm so sorry you're still waiting - I can only imagine how frustrating this must be. Your attitude is still amazing. I really admire you and have you've dealt with everything that's happened to you. That quote is SO applicable to you - every word.
ReplyDeleteAs for 'things I know better than to say to God' - I think God probably appreciates your honesty. We can't help how we feel. You feel like it's unfair - fair enough, I'm pretty sure most people would. But throughout the unfairness your attitude has been positivity and you KNOW - even if you don't always FEEL - that God is good and faithful and all the other things you said. Does that make sense?