What Do You Think About This?

A note to my readers: In a way of trying to rid myself of some feelings of anxiety and fear, I decided to write this letter to those who hate me. While I do not intend to send it to them, it was a bit of a relief to write it. Any comments, suggestions, advice, etc. are very much appreciated.

Hi,

How has your summer been? I hope it was great. I’m having some feelings of stress anxiety when I think about returning to school and I wanted to ask you some things.

I don’t know if you ever realized how much you hurt me by all that you have done. I think if you knew how much it did to me, you would have given up a long time ago.

I wanted to let you know I’ve really come around. Maybe what they say is true, “Time heals all wounds.” I can’t speak on your behalf, but I have grown so much since you turned against me in February. Not only from my various illnesses, but also from all you have done to me.

I know you were tired. I know you were hurting. I know you needed a break. I didn’t have a problem with that.

But then one day you just turned on me. I was falsely accused of things. I was ignored. I was avoided. I was constantly glared at. I was judged. I was persecuted against. I was bullied. And it made life harder than it already was, even though I didn’t know that was possible.

I don’t know  why you think I’m a terrible person and you want nothing to do with me. Do you realize you’re the only ones who think that?

One day, toward the end of the year, you were walking with a few other people, and the group passed me on the sidewalk. All of the people in the group gave me a big smile, a warm greeting of “Hey Dylan!” and the like. And what did you do? You didn’t say a word. You glared. You looked at me like I was unworthy to be on this earth and you wished I’d not have been on that sidewalk. What was I supposed to do?

I don’t know why you’ve been so cruel in various manners. I still am in a bit of disbelief about the evening when I was sitting with a professor, and she tapped me on the side and said, “Is it just me or are they glaring at you?” and sure enough, there you were, giving me one of the meanest looks I have ever seen in my life.

I don’t know what you’re hanging on to because you’ve never given me an answer, and you have not said a word to me since March.

My question for you is- what emotion, what thing of the past, what issue are you still holding on to, and why? Why can’t you let it go? Why can’t you show the love your Heavenly Father first showed to you?

What will you think when one day you look back on your life? Will you say, “I’m so glad I was so cruel and bitter toward him for so long. It made my life so much better.” ? Will that be the crowning achievement of your life?

Do you know how hard it is on a person to hold on to such feelings of resentment, anger, and hostility? Why do you continue to harm yourself like that?

I guess I wrote this because I have a request. I don’t expect you to be my friend. But remember, I am a treasure in Christ’s arms. I am precious in His sight. I may not be in yours, but I am in His.

And you’ve not been treating me like the treasured possession I am. My request is, will you please stop glaring at me? Will you please stop just giving me a cold look when I pass you on the sidewalk and say hi? Will you please stop avoiding a table just because I’m sitting at it?

Did you ever once consider how any of this has made me feel?

You’ve been hurt, I know that. You feel like you’ve been kicked in the teeth and you’re angry about it. I know that. But shake it off! And STEP UP! Do not let the feelings of hurt, bitterness, anger, etc. that are meant to bury you, indeed, bury you. But let them go. And chose to bless others. Not necessarily me, but I just ask you expend that energy into helping someone.

I guarantee, if you find someone to help, you will be cured of your sadness and your feelings of hurt. You will be blessed through the process.

Allow this experience to serve as a resource to help others and find the blessings in your life. The most crowning achievement in your life will not be how many people, like me, you stepped on to bring yourself up; but rather, how many people you were able to forgive, help, and be a blessing to.

I have friends who are praying for you. I do not hate you. I have forgiven you (and you know that). I know you’re a treasure in the arms of Christ,  as well, but that doesn’t eliminate these feelings of fear and anxiety I have.

Please. Shake this off. STEP UP. Choose to be blessed.

Peace to you.